How Your Bedtime Routine Impacts Your Relationship

I am someone who has a very strict, and very early bedtime of around 9 pm every night. That doesn’t mean that I go to sleep at 9 pm, but it does mean I start my bedtime routine at that time, even on weekends. My husband, however, is of the opinion that sleep is a waste of time, and he enjoys having his space at night. We both work from home and we have a child, so getting alone time can be difficult—but it’s something we both value and want each other to have. 

The reality is that not having the same bedtime can be difficult. I get to take some time away from screens and go to bed in a dark quiet room. When he gets to bed, considerably later than me, he now has to do his whole routine with me asleep. If that involves scrolling through social media on his phone, it means he may interrupt my sleep with the light from his phone or the sound of videos playing. 

He tries to avoid this disruption to my sleep by spending his wind-down time on the couch. Inevitably, he falls asleep while watching his latest Netflix documentary and wakes up in a daze around 2 in the morning to stumble to bed. I feel guilty about him falling asleep on the couch every night and try to accommodate his bedtime needs with my own. With this routine, we're not getting the quality sleep we probably need.

Our bedtime conundrums are not uncommon. It seems like everywhere you look, there are articles and news stories about the importance of sleep hygiene. Sleep hygiene refers to the optimization of your environment to promote the best sleep outcomes possible, such as through limiting technology use, sleeping in a dark room, having a set bedtime and wake time, and having a going-to-bed routine. Something that you may not know, however, is that your bedtime routine with your partner can impact both your quality of sleep and the quality of your relationship.

How your bedtime routine affects your relationship

Research has identified that how couples spend their leisure time together is one of the biggest predictors of their relationship satisfaction. Bedtime is an obvious time of day to get to spend with one another. It is usually free of children and work responsibilities and provides a space for couples to interact with one another. More importantly, it provides an opportunity for couples to build intimacy together. It may seem fairly obvious, but...

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