Old 'They,' New 'They'—Why Singular 'They' Is an Example of Language Change in Action, Even Though It's Hundreds of Years Old

Why did the AP style guide say it’s OK to write “Some student forgot their backpack” but suggests that writers avoid “Aiden forgot their backpack” in the same 2017 update?

Why can some people say “That driver didn’t use their blinker” but not “Alex never uses their blinker” without getting confused or mixing up pronouns? 

Or, more relevant to many of us who aren’t journalists: what’s going on with this "Dear Amy" letter in which an advice-seeker writes, “Dear Amy, I am fine addressing someone whatever gender-identification they prefer. What I object to is the use of ‘they’ as a singular pronoun.” You may notice, as many readers did, that this letter-writer used singular “they” in the exact same sentence where they objected to the singular use of “they.” This is surprisingly common, too—that people will use “they” in the very same breath as insisting that it’s too difficult or confusing to use “they” for a single person. So what’s going on? Are these people hypocrites? Careful linguistic analysis says no: these people are reporting an actual constraint on their unconscious mental grammar; they just don’t know how exactly to clarify when singular “they” sounds natural and when it feels mentally difficult. 

The reason people struggle is that there are really two uses of singular “they”: an old use, which has been in use in English as far back as 1375, and a new use, which is part of a big language change in the 21^st century. The difference between the old singular “they” and the new singular “they” has nothing to do with agreement between singular and plural words. In fact, the thing that makes the difference for your brain is whether you’re using “they” to refer to a general or unknown person, or whether you’re using it to refer to a specific person—especially someone you know. Uses like “some student” or “each person” are grammatically singular, but the vast majority of English speakers will use and accept “they” with these phrases. These general uses don’t even need to be gender-neutral: “each woman has a right to feed their baby,” and similar uses, are very common. 

But the general uses are grammatically different from the specific uses. The new use of “they...

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