Do Fermented Vegetables Increase Your Cancer Risk?

Nutrition Diva listener Brian wants to know: 

"Do the benefits of fermented vegetables such as sauerkraut and kimchi outweigh the risk of getting stomach cancer. I understand that Koreans, who eat a lot of kimchi, also have the highest rates of stomach cancer. So, I'm wondering whether increasing our consumption of these products in order to help the beneficial bacteria in our guts is worth the risk."

Brian is right: People in Asian countries, where fermented vegetables make up a large part of the diet, do have higher rates of stomach cancer than elsewhere in the world.  

What are the main risk factors for stomach cancer?

Fifty years ago, stomach cancer was the most common type of cancer diagnosed worldwide. And the good news is that the global incidence of stomach cancer has declined significantly over the last decades. This is due in part to declines in smoking, which is a significant risk factor for stomach cancer. It's also due to better detection and treatment of h. Pylori, a bacterium that commonly infects the digestive tract and can cause stomach ulcers as well as stomach cancer. H. Pylori is readily eradicated by antibiotic therapy and now that we know to look for it, and how to get rid of it, ulcers and stomach cancer are far less common.

What's the link between fermented veggies and cancer?

However, the incidence of stomach cancer remains high in Korea and elsewhere in Asia. And, believe it or not, the very high consumption of fermented vegetables is thought to be one contributing factor.  This is a little confusing because eating more vegetables is a good way to reduce your risk of cancer. And, as Brian points out, fermented vegetables also contain probiotic bacteria, which foster a healthy gut. 

At the same time, fermented vegetables contain nitrosamines. These compounds, which are by-products of the fermentation process, can have carcinogenic effects. Here in the West, the primary source of dietary nitrosamines are cured and processed meats. In Korea, where total nitrosamine intake is much higher, the primary dietary sources are smoked or salted fish and fermented vegetables. 

The traditional Korean diet is also much higher in sodium than the typical Western diet (which is not exactly low in sodium), and this may be another contributing factor to the high rates of stomach cancer. Sodium, in high amounts, can irritate the lining of the stomach and perhaps make it more vulnerable to the carcinogenic effects of nitrosamines.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the traditional Korean diet, while high in fermented and pickled vegetables, may be quite low in fresh vegetables. The nutrients in fresh vegetables, especially vitamin C, can neutralize the nitrosamines in the digestive tract. And...

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Listen Now: The Broken Constitution

This is The Broken Constitution, a miniseries from Unknown History from Quick and Dirty Tips and Deep Background from Pushkin Industries. Below, you can listen to all three episodes of this special miniseries all about Abraham Lincoln. how he needed to break the Constitution in order to remake it. It's all based on the new book The Broken Constitution: Lincoln, Slavery, and the Refounding of America by Noah Feldman. 

This series answers questions like: 

• Why was the Constitution before Lincoln's presidency a "compromise Constitution?" 
• How did Lincoln's attitude toward the Constitution change over the course of his presidency?
• Why does it benefit us to think of the Constitution as a living document? 

Navigate through the playlist above to listen. Be sure to follow Unknown History on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts for more fascinating history, and if you want to hear more from Noah, check out his podcast Deep Background from Pushkin Industries. On Deep Background, he brings together a cross-section of guests to explore the historical, scientific, legal, and cultural context of today's news.

Want even more? Order The Broken Constitution wherever books or audiobooks are sold.

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18 Tips to Get Ready for the Holiday Season

What to know when buying your holiday tree

Opting for a beautiful live tree this year? If you’re getting a pre-cut tree, make sure you test its freshness before you buy it—you never know how long it’s been sitting in the lot exposed to the elements. Try these quick tests to find the freshest tree possible:

• The branch test: Grab a branch firmly between your fingers and gently pull it toward you, then let it go. If lots of needles shake off the tree, it’s not fresh enough; if only a few needles fall, the tree is probably still in decent shape.
• The fragrance test: Snap a needle in your fingers and give it good whiff—the needle should be moist and deliciously pine-scented. If you don’t get a pungent dose of pine, the tree is likely drying out.

Inexpensive tree food

Did you know that sugar works as a tree food? Simply add some to the water each time you water your tree.

How to Enjoy the Holidays Without Wrecking Your Diet

Humidifier for a healthy tree

The heating system in your home can dry out your tree, dulling its color and piney fresh scent. To give your tree a healthy boost of moisture, place a humidifier in the room to counteract the drying heat—it’ll stay fresh, and you can soak up the holiday spirit as long as possible.

Easy way to water your holiday tree

If you have trouble getting a watering can to reach underneath the lowest bows of your holiday tree, throw several ice cubes into the base each day to easily keep it watered.

Free tree stand

Instead of buying a stand for your tree, simply fill a bucket with sand. You can still water it, and you won’t have to deal with the hassle of re-adjusting the stand so the tree isn’t crooked.

Cat danger

Cat lovers, beware! When it’s time to trim the tree, never use tinsel if you have a pet kitty. Cats love to play with tinsel and eat it, and it can be deadly if it gets stuck in their digestive system.

How to Simplify Your Holiday Celebration and Save Your Sanity

Popcorn garland tip

Making a popcorn garland for the holidays? Use dental floss! It’s stronger than regular string, and less likely to break when you wrap it around the tree.

Save energy this season

Did you know that one strand of traditional holiday lights running five hours a day for 30 days can add up to $10 to your electricity bill? This Christmas, make sure you use LED lights, which will only run you 12¢ for the...

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Here's Why Giving Is the Secret to Getting Ahead

With the approach of the American Thanksgiving holiday, many of us are focused on being thankful right now. And being thankful is something we should all do. Gratitude can give our minds and hearts a boost, especially when times are tough.

But "Thanksgiving" is a compound word that combines "thanks"—the gratitude I just mentioned—and "giving." So, let's give giving some air time today. And I'm not talking about the giving that involves financial donations to charitable causes (although, of course, do that if you can!) but the giving of yourself—your spirit, time, wisdom, and insight. Because as it turns out, being a giver at work is actually a competitive advantage. Research shows givers are the real winners.

Today we’ll talk about the why, what, and how of being a professional giver. We’ll cover strategies you can put to work today. Or at least after the turkey is fully digested.

Giving in action

Years ago, I started a new job. On day one, I met a giver named Ann. She took one look at my deer-in-headlights expression and invited me to lunch. She was generous and candid, sharing tips on how things really got done, offering to make introductions, and advising which pre-packaged items in the cafeteria were likely to induce salmonella.

That lunch was the first of many. Ann showed me the same generosity of spirit throughout my five years at that company. And my time wouldn’t have been the same without her.

I’ve since left that job, but Ann remains a dear friend. She still works there her career has sky-rocketed. She’s a senior, highly respected executive who still gives her time generously. Now, she’s also, of course, excellent at what she doe—giving alone doesn’t ensure success. But in a sea of high-performers, being a giver can offer just the competitive edge you need to win.

If this sounds squishy, rest assured ... I've got data.

What defines a giver?

Research conducted by Wharton professor Adam Grant (as described in this Fast Company interview) shows that people who are givers at work ultimately achieve the greatest long-term professional success. Grant defines success broadly and across industries, looking at measures like productivity and revenue production in business, and patient outcomes in healthcare.

Grant identifies three types of people.

1. Givers are those who "want to help others independent of an easily foreseeable payback. They...

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9 Tips for Perfect Push-up Performance

Push-ups are a popular exercise for building upper body muscle strength and endurance. They work your triceps, chest, and shoulders while also strengthening your core when performed correctly. 

For many people, including myself, push-ups are one of the first exercises we learn to perform. It’s probably because it’s one of the few exercises that’s effective, yet doesn’t require any equipment and can be performed just about anywhere. 

With gyms closed and workout equipment sold out for several months during the early days of the pandemic, it became a staple upper body exercise for anyone wanting to stay in shape. I remember performing a twice weekly strength workout consisting of push-ups, pullups, and lunges with a backpack full of canned goods for resistance. 

Although push-ups are familiar to many, few actually perform it in a way that maximizes strength and endurance gains while also reducing the risk of injuries. 

9 tips for performing a perfect push-up

Before I delve into the tips for performing a perfect push-up, I’d like to first mention that there are a ton of push-up variations to choose from. For example, wide push-ups, diamond push-ups, incline push-ups, decline push-ups, just to name a few.

My focus here will be on the standard push-up that’s performed on a flat surface with your hands directly under your shoulders. Your feet can be together or hip-width apart. 

This variation of the push-up is good for just about anyone. Beginners can perform the standard push-up on their knees to reduce the resistance. Advanced exercisers can perform it with a weighted vest, plate, or, like me, backpack filled with canned goods on the back to increase the resistance. 

With this in mind, let’s jump into the 9 tips for perfect push-up performance. 

Tip 1: Keep your middle finger pointed straight forward

With your hands directly under your shoulders, you want to ensure that your middle fingers are pointed straight forward. This...

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The Prevalence of Little White Lies in Online Dating

Have you ever been perusing profiles on dating sites and seen someone who looks too good to be true?

Sure, there may be bots trying to catfish people or influencers trying to gain more followers, but I’m talking about a profile of a normal person who seems a little too polished. You search for clues in their profile that might indicate that they're lying or consider the extent to which pictures were edited. Do you “swipe right” and hope this person turns out to be as amazing as their profile makes them seem?

On the flip side, you might be considering how much you can stretch the truth when creating your own profile. Yeah, you might not love hiking right now, but it’s something you want to get into. Maybe you gained a few pounds over the holidays, but your New Year's resolutions are to get back on the dating scene and lose weight, so why not portray yourself as a little lighter since you’re going to lose that weight anyway?

How common is deception in online dating and what does it look like?

Deception in online dating, both your own and others', is a common issue that people worry about, but things may not be as dire as they seem. Although online deception is common, with some research estimating that 80% of people engage in deception, the things people are lying about are quite minor. For instance, people often fudge their weight and height a bit, particularly in the direction that is considered to be attractive—which for people who identify as men usually means they add a few inches to their height, and for people who identify as women may mean they take a few pounds off their weight. 

Relationshopping: why dating apps can lead to choice overload

One perspective is that some people may view their “profile as promise”, where they present the version of themselves they are working towards instead of who they are today. This might be the case when someone talks about hobbies or goals that they are not actively involved in or haven't achieved just yet. They present an idealistic version of themselves in an attempt to put their best foot forward, and to be fair,...

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How to Cope When Your Child Has a Favorite Parent

Are you a parent who can barely get one second to yourself because your child is constantly following you around? Do they insist that they need you and refuse to accept help or comfort from their other parent?

Do you find yourself having to come to your child’s or your partner’s rescue when the two of them are in yet another conflict where your child is insisting that you do something for them that their other parent is available and capable of doing?

Maybe you’re a parent who is often sent away by your child in favor of their other parent. Your child screams for their other parent to give them a bath, change their diaper, or make their grilled cheese. When your partner has to go out, your child clings to them on the way out and wails for what seems like forever after they leave, refusing to allow you to comfort them in any way. Maybe your child constantly tells you how their other parent does X, Y, or Z better than you?

One of the most common dynamics I see in my practice is the scenario where a toddler or young child shows an extreme preference for one parent over the other. Parents have expressed feelings around this dynamic that span from neutral to hurt to furious to exhausted. The rebuffed parent can feel rejected, excluded, and helpless. The preferred parent can feel like they never get a break from being the go-to parent for both their child and their partner. It feels unsustainable for everyone.

A child’s extreme parental preference can result in a situation where there tends to be one parent longing for more parent-child connection and one parent feeling overloaded with parent-child connection.

A child showing favoritism towards one parent is very common, especially in the toddler years. And the favoritism might switch from one parent to the other and back again. It’s yet another way that some toddlers begin to experiment with being autonomous and asserting themselves.

It can fade out as your child matures or it can be a lasting dynamic if an older child feels they have more in common with one parent or finds it easier to be open with them. I've often heard from teens that they have more in common with or feel more understood by one parent, or that one of their parents is more flexible or responds with more empathy when they make mistakes.

In the little-kid years, however, a child’s extreme parental preference can result in a situation where there tends to be one parent longing for more parent-child connection and one parent feeling overloaded with parent-child connection. So what are good ways to address parent favoritism when it pops up?

How to Manage Your Anger and Frustration as a Parent

Here's how the preferred parent can cope

Hold your boundaries

Sometimes, one parent's...

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Semicolons

I get questions about semicolons a lot, so it's time to clear up some confusion.

Use semicolons to separate things and add variety

Semicolons separate things. Most commonly, they separate two main clauses that are closely related to each other but that could stand on their own as sentences if you wanted them to.

Here's an example: "Squiggly loves chocolate; he even put it on his tacos once." The two parts of that long sentence that are separated by a semicolon could be sentences on their own if you put a period between them: Squiggly loves chocolate. He even put it on his tacos once.

One reason you might choose to use a semicolon instead of a period is if you want to add variety to your sentence structure, for example, if you thought you had too many short, choppy sentences in a row. But when you use a semicolon, the main clauses should be closely related to each other. You wouldn't write, “It was below zero outside; Squiggly loves chocolate,” because those two main clauses have nothing to do with each other. In fact, the other reason to use a semicolon instead of a period is if you want to draw attention to the relationship between the two clauses.

Now let's talk about the two forms of punctuation that are most commonly misused in place of semicolons: 

1. Semicolons versus colons
2. Semicolons versus commas

Semicolons versus colons

People often ask me what the difference is between a semicolon and a colon, and there are a couple of differences. 

First, the purpose of a colon is to introduce or define something. For example, you could write, “Squiggly checked the temperature: it was -20 degrees outside.” I'll admit that these differences can be subtle, but I would use a colon in that sentence instead of a semicolon because the second clause (the temperature) strongly relates back to the first clause (Squiggly checking the temperature).

Semicolons separate things. Most commonly, they separate two main clauses that are closely related to each other but could stand on their own as sentences.

The second difference between a colon and a semicolon is that when you are joining things, you use a semicolon to join things of equal weight, whereas you can use a colon to join things of equal or unequal weight. For example, you can use either a semicolon or a colon to join two main clauses, but you can only use a colon to join a main clause with a noun. Here's an example: "Squiggly has a favorite flavor: chocolate." You couldn't use a...

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8 Myths About Therapy, Busted

Today, I'm going to talk about some of the common myths or misconceptions about therapy. Many of these myths have been made popular in the general media, while you may have heard others from friends or family. Either way, I want to dispel these myths and give you the truth!

Myth #1: Therapy is for crazy people

The way that the term crazy can be used by the general public often minimizes and bullies the legitimate experiences of others. Often, when we use this word, it's meant to be hurtful and not as an actual descriptor of behavior.

Let's put it this way: if you went to a medical doctor and said, "I'm in pain," they would ask you a series of questions to determine what's causing your pain because that statement is too general to actually mean anything.

So, when we say crazy, what do we mean? Someone who has been depressed, anxious, lost a parent, seen active combat in war, struggled with substances, experienced burnout, had a miscarriage, gone through a divorce, has low self-esteem, or are unsure of their next steps in life? All of the above and more?

Do you see my point? Therapy is for everyone and by this broad definition we are either all crazy or none of us are.

Myth #2: Therapy is for weak people

Needing help is a natural state of being. While we want to be as independent as possible, we all need support from time to time. This all makes sense—from an evolutionary perspective humans are tribal and we like to function in groups.

You're not weak for going for therapy. You wouldn't call an athlete weak for needing a personal coach to help them improve their performance, so why would you shame a person for needing a therapist to improve their entire life and wellbeing?

In fact, I would say that it takes an incredible amount of strength to be honest with yourself and approach the challenge and personal growth and development.

Myth #3: Therapy is just talking

If you listened to my interview prior to becoming the host of this podcast, you’ll remember my stance on this. In case you missed it, I’ll remind you of my direct quote: "Talking is the instrument by which the intervention is delivered to the patient, like a needle, delivering a life-saving vaccine to someone. The magic isn’t in the poke of the needle, it’s in the content of the syringe and what mechanisms are activated as a result."

Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t go to school for 10 years simply to talk to people. Like any doctor, I wanted to learn how to fill a need in our society. Talking is a tool that I use, the same way a medical doctor might use a stethoscope. If it were only talking, then you could talk to anyone and get the same result...

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Tag Questions, Amirite?

Some days it seems that the most common kind of understanding is misunderstanding: Every conversation—not to mention each e-mail, IM, or text message—is rife with opportunities for crossed circuits and hurt feelings. There’s no end of advice about how to avoid miscommunication: Keep things simple. Take your time. Be aware of cultural differences. But missing from all these communication-helper lists is a little linguistic tic that most people use every day: the tag question.

What are tag questions?

You know what tag questions are, don’t you? Tag questions are those little questioning upticks, usually found at the end of a sentence—like that "don’t you"?—that grease the conversational wheels. Linguists see these questions as coming in two different flavors: the kind that ask for information or confirmation ("you’ve got the tickets, right?"), called "modal" tags, and the kind that try to connect with the hearer’s feelings, softening a statement or opening the door for more conversation, called "affective" tags ("that was certainly unexpected, wasn’t it?").

Since they help keep information flowing, you’d think that tag questions would be appreciated for their importance to the language, or at least held up as a useful communications tool, but in fact, they’re almost ignored, and occasionally even mocked.

Who uses tag questions?

This may be in part because tag questions have been identified as a "female" speech pattern. The linguist Robin Lakoff, in her landmark 1975 book "Language and Woman’s Place," listed tag questions alongside qualifiers ("kind of"), weak expletives ("oh fudge!"), and empty adjectives ("fabulous," "lovely") as tools used by women to soften or weaken their statements. Based on her own impressions, Lakoff associated tag questions with "a desire for confirmation or approval which signals a lack of self-confidence in the speaker."

But as it turns out, that is only one view of the social aspect of tag questions. Studies done more recently have found that men use tag questions at least as often as women (one study found men using tag questions twice as often), and that men are more likely to use the supposedly-less-confident "ask for more information or confirmation" kind of tag questions. And the "softening" kind of tag question—the kind used to facilitate conversation—was identified less with gender than with power. It turns out that the people who are in charge of making sure conversations go well—"powerful" speakers, such as talk show hosts, doctors, and teachers—are the ones who tend...

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Your Complete Guide to 401(k) Retirement Accounts

Most people know they should save for retirement; however, using a 401(k) may seem too overwhelming or complicated and prevent many from getting started. When I was in my 20s, I didn’t invest in my company’s 401(k) because I wasn’t sure what would happen if I left my job. Not understanding the retirement account rules held me back, and I don’t want that to happen to you. 

While 401(k)s come with critical IRS regulations you should know, they’re not as tricky to master as you might think. If you’re lucky enough to work for an employer offering a 401(k), participating can be a powerful way to build wealth for retirement. 

In this guide, I’ll cover everything you need to know about 401(k)s, so you can accumulate a healthy nest egg and have a secure financial future.

What is a 401(k)?

In simple terms, a 401(k) is an employer-sponsored account for workers to save money for retirement. However, if you’re self-employed, you can have a solo 401(k).

The two main types are traditional and Roth. With a traditional 401(k), your employer (or you, if you’re self-employed with a solo 401(k)) deducts contributions from your paycheck before taxes get withheld and deposits them in your account. You defer paying tax on your deposits and investment earnings until you take 401(k) distributions in retirement. 

If you don’t qualify for a Roth IRA because your income is too high, a Roth 401(k) or solo Roth 401(k) are great options because they have no income limits.

With a Roth 401(k), your employer deducts contributions from your paycheck on an after-tax basis and deposits them in your account. While you must pay tax upfront on contributions, your withdrawals of deposits and earnings in retirement are entirely tax-free. 

Can You Contribute to a 401(k) and an IRA in the Same Year?

...

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Are Plant-Based Meats Really Better for You (or the Planet)?

The market for plant-based meat alternatives is growing fast, but many are wondering whether these meat-free yet highly-processed foods are really a better choice, in terms of nutrition or the environment. These days, we’re also curious about how various foods and dietary patterns affect the microbiome, which in turn influences so many aspects of our health. And there’s some new research on that to share.

First, let me clarify what type of foods we’re talking about. We’re not talking about cultured meat products, which are actual meat but produced without animals.

Yes, Lab-Grown Meat (Without Animals) Is for Real

I’m also not referring to veggie burgers, bean burgers, and other products which aren’t trying to mimic the flavor and texture of meat. (Or at least, aren’t trying very successfully!)

I’m talking about products that are designed not just to stand in for meat but to mimic it with increasing verisimilitude. For example, Impossible Burger, Beyond Burger, and Meatless Farm all have products that look and cook just like raw ground beef. They are often sold right next to the actual ground beef and are packaged so similarly that if you weren’t paying attention, you might easily think they were ground beef. 

These types of plant-based meat alternatives are not intended for people who find the idea of eating meat disgusting. These are for people who really enjoy eating meat but feel like it would be better for their health—or the health of the planet—not to.

But would it? Let’s take a closer look at how they stack up.

Are meatless burgers more nutritious?

While old-school veggie burgers are often lower in fat and calories, the new plant-based meat alternatives are formulated to be much closer to the nutrient profile of meat. They have close to the same amount of protein, fat, and calories. Some even have the same amount of saturated fat and heme iron, a form of iron that is normally only found in animal foods. So, they may not offer the same nutritional advantages that people generally expect from a vegetarian diet.

Nutritional Comparison of Plant-based Beef Alternatives

One advantage that these plant-based meat alternatives do retain, however, is that they do not create heterocyclic amines (HCA) when grilled. These compounds are created when meat or fish are cooked over direct or high heat and have been linked to cancer. The amino acids involved in this reaction are only present in animal muscle tissue. So, grilling a plant-based burger will not create HCAs and does not pose this...

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How to Introduce a Puppy to Your Older Dog

Your pup is middle-aged, or older. She’s not as energetic as she used to be. The idea that one day your household may be dogless makes you cringe. And maybe a puppy would liven your own dog up. The local shelter has a litter of super-cute puppies. Should you bring one home?

As usual, the answer is “It depends.” Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself before bringing home baby.

Question #1 - Is your older dog healthy?

My old lady Izzy adored puppies, but in her arthritic last few years she really did not need one bouncing off her hips. If your older dog has a chronic health condition or has lost much of her hearing or sight, puppy energy may be too much for her. Talk to your vet if you have doubts.

Question #2 - Does your older dog enjoy other dogs?

If your older dog has plenty of canine friends, it’s an easy call, especially if those friends include any pups who happen to appear. If she’s not the life of the dog party but she exchanges polite greetings with most dogs and has a few friends she plays with, ditto. But plenty of dogs are indifferent to other dogs, or afraid of them, or quick to get into fights. These dogs will not magically fall for a new puppy roommate.

Do Dogs Need to Play With Other Dogs?

And in turn, they may not be so good for a puppy. Very young puppies seem to have a “license” with most adult dogs, who’ll put up with in-your-face, sometimes annoying behavior that they wouldn’t tolerate from an adolescent or grown dog. Now, even the most patient adult dog may sometimes get fed up – you can expect an occasional lip curl, growl, or snap. It’s normal. What isn’t so great for a puppy is life with an adult dog who barely tolerates him, or who routinely aggresses against him. Dogs are social animals. To live with someone hostile to them produces chronic stress, which can alter the brain permanently and have long-term negative effects on their behavior. 

Question #3 – Will a puppy affect your older dog’s quality of life?

By the way, before you decide that the villain is the older dog who dislikes puppies, remind yourself that she was there first. Life with a puppy wouldn’t be any more fun for her than life with her would be fun for the puppy. Of course, if you have a large house, plenty of open space for exercise, and terrific dog-management skills, you can raise a puppy even if your older dog isn’t a fan. And it’s okay to adopt a puppy for your own sake. Just make sure that the pup’s presence doesn’t diminish your older dog’s quality of life.

Question #4 -...

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Is There Any Escape from the 40-Hour Workweek?

In a recent edition of the New York Times’s Work Friend column, a reader asked whether the 40-hour workweek is still required if one wants to earn a full-time salary. And writer Roxane Gay offered a response which, in summary, was "yep!"

 

Personally, I think Roxane Gay is one of the wisest and most thoughtful writers of our time. And I respect every point of view she’s willing to share. And yet in this instance, I think the question warrants a deeper consideration than is offered here. And I’d love to share my own views today.

 

In 2015, I too felt done with the 40-hour workweek. Or so I thought. I was working full-time as an employee, commuting, raising kids, and I was burned to the core. I had the same question—can I replace my full-time income without the 40-hour workweek?

 

At first, I believed the answer was no, but I ultimately tapped into a better question—“Is the 40-hour workweek actually the problem, or is the problem something different?”

 

And what I learned for myself once I started my business in designing leadership experiences was that it wasn’t the 40-hour week that was plaguing me. More specifically it was: 

• Which 40 hours 
• How I spent those 40 hours 
• The lack of impact I felt from those 40 hours

If you too are struggling with the 40, then give some reflection to what, specifically, is plaguing you. Because I learned some lessons along the way that might inform some changes you can make to make the 40 better fit your lifestyle.

Look at which 40 hours

You’re fed up with the 40-hour week. But maybe the issue is which 40-hours you’re compelled to work. Maybe your issue is you need a window in the middle of the day for you or your kids or a yoga class or a hobby... or just a nap. 

 

As work has gone remote, teams and clients have globalized, and technology has allowed for effective asynchronous communication, there’s no better time than now to reconsider your "when."

 

Can you ask your boss for a flexible schedule that has you working early morning and later afternoon with a break in the middle… or whatever configuration suits your needs? 

 

Be creative. Have a plan (i.e., I’ll use my morning to interact with clients in Asia, and my late afternoon to develop pitches, manage projects, project budgets, etc.). Be clear about how this will serve to keep you engaged while also keeping your team and company goals on track.

Look at how...

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Rest Week: Why Taking Breaks From Exercising is Crucial

It’s the week of Thanksgiving and I know that many of you are looking forward to spending quality time with loved ones and feasting on turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. The last thing you want to think about is exercise!

But if you’re like me, the thought of skipping out on regularly scheduled workouts may bring on a sense of guilt that makes your stomach hurt more than overindulging on Thanksgiving. 

So this time each year, for as long as I can remember, my solution was to compress my workout week by exercising on back-to-back days with the goal of being done by Thanksgiving day. It’s a bit tortuous and those of you who follow this practice know exactly what I mean!

Until one day, I discovered that there are actually really important benefits to taking regular week-long breaks from exercise.  Now, I can spend Thanksgiving week with loved ones, feasting on great food, and not feeling guilty about taking a break from exercise! 

Benefits of regular week-long breaks from exercise

Over the last several years, I’ve incorporated week-long breaks from exercise roughly every six to eight weeks. I find that somewhere within this time frame, I start to notice one or more of the following:

1. Less motivation to exercise

2. More fatigued during exercise

3. A plateau in fitness gains 

4. Onset of new aches or pain

These are signals to me that a break is needed. Everyone is different, so you may notice shorter or longer time frames, as little as four weeks and as much as twelve weeks, for the onset of similar signals. 

You would think that taking a whole week off from exercise would result in a loss of fitness, right? Surprisingly, not only is this not true, if you’re pushing yourself...

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NaNoWriMo Bonus Excerpts: "The Listening Path"

The newest audiobook from beloved author Julia Cameron, The Listening Path is a transformational journey to deeper, more profound listening and creativity. Over six weeks, listeners will be given the tools to become better listeners—to their environment, the people around them, and themselves. The reward for learning to truly listen is immense. As we learn to listen, our attention is heightened and we gain healing, insight, clarity. But above all, listening creates connections and ignites a creativity that will resonate through every aspect of our lives.

Each week, listeners will be challenged to expand their ability to listen in a new way, beginning by listening to their environment and culminating in learning to listen to silence. These weekly practices open up a new world of connection and fulfillment. In a culture of bustle and constant sound, The Listening Path is a deeply necessary reminder of the power of truly hearing.

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8 Ways to Help Your Child Develop Gratitude and Thankfulness

A Project Parenthood listener recently sent me an email requesting some help. Here’s his email (edited for clarity):

Hi Dr. Coor—thanks so much for the podcast, I’ve gotten so many good tips from your episodes that I thought I’d ask your advice on something.

I’m feeling really irritated after having spent a lot of time and energy pulling off a last-minute—and quite successful I might add—outdoor celebration of my child’s 5th birthday yesterday. 

She got a ton of gifts and cards from friends and family during the celebration and seemed to have a great time. There’s just one thing though—I didn’t hear a single thank you from her all day! I was mortified as she opened gift after gift, just tossing them aside before demanding the next one!

I thought we were modeling being grateful. We don’t force her to say “thank you”, but we do say “thank you” to her all the time, and show our genuine appreciation for her when we feel it.  We certainly thanked the gift-givers while she was opening them, but she just didn’t catch on. I’m just not getting how we’re supposed to give and get her material things without her turning out to be completely spoiled.

Is this normal 5yo behavior? Is there something we should be doing or not doing that would encourage more gratitude?

Thanks for your help, and thanks again for all you do!

Well, first I want to say to this parent that it’s such a pleasure to know that the information I’m sharing here has been helpful for you. And I want to acknowledge this parent’s courage in reaching out for help and support. It’s one of the hardest things to do as a parent, even though it’s one of the most important things to do as a parent. It really does take a village to raise a child, and I feel honored to be a part of the proverbial village for all of you listeners!

If you are a listener who’d like my help applying a respectful parenting approach to a parent-child issue you’re having, send me an email at parenthood@quickanddirtytips.com or leave me a voicemail at (646) 926-3243) and let me know if it’s okay to play your message on the show.

Back to this parent’s conundrum.

Out in public—especially in a gift-giving situation—when your child isn’t adhering to societal norms of "manners" and "politeness" it can bring up a lot of shame. Shame, being a particularly vulnerable emotion to experience, can switch your nervous system into fight/flight/freeze survival mode.

With your survival-mode lenses on, everything starts to seem more dangerous. In a split second, you’re on high alert. You judge your...

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The Surprising Health Benefits of Expressing Affection

Today's episode begins in a classroom. I was taking a course on interpersonal communication and well-being, in which we discussed how communication in our relationships has measurable and substantial impacts on our health. That's not limited to our relationship's health! It also means physiological and mental health as well.

We were looking at a body of research that explored how expressing affection in our relationships has statistically significant impacts on each of these areas of health. Study after study after study has consistently—and impressively—found support for how even minor affectionate exchanges can have actual, measurable impacts on our physical and relational health.

In some cases, the results are so incredible it almost defies reality! To me, it seemed almost too good to be true. How is it, as one study showed, that writing a brief letter to a loved one can reduce your cholesterol?

The more I looked into the topic, the more frustrated I became. How is it that this simple interpersonal behavior can have such consistent, significant impacts on our bodies? And what does that mean for our relationships?

How do we express affection?

First, let's step back a bit, and define what "expressing affection" actually means. There are three primary categories for how people express affection that researchers have identified:

1. Verbally: These are the ways in which we directly express to our partner how much we love, care, and appreciate them. Verbal affection can be expressed face-to-face, over the phone, or through written means such as through text, email, or a letter.

2. Non-verbally: These are gestures or touches that are meant to express those same sentiments of love and care toward our partner. For example, these behaviors include hugs, holding hands, or smiling.

3. Indirect Tasks: These are overt methods for expressing love, care, and appreciation for our partner, such as through cooking, or spending time together.

...

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4 Tips For Navigating Thanksgiving and COVID-19

I lived in New York City for the entirety of the COVID-19 pandemic, and I have to say: saying the initial few months were rough is an understatement. If you weren't an essential worker (big thanks to all of you out there), you sheltered in place. We didn't go outside for anything other than groceries, the pharmacy, and the occasional socially-distanced walk or run. And, given the massive surge last winter, many of us missed traveling for the holidays with our families.

It was stressful! And while today, we live in a world where COVID is ever-present, we are encouraged to approach life in this new normal, and that's a whole different kind of stress.

Now it's the holidays again and there are tough decisions to make. Mainly: should I stay, or should I go?

You might be asking yourself: do I want to face a potentially angry mask-less passenger on a plane and my uncle with undiagnosed and untreated alcoholism? Or maybe you're thinking: how do I go through another holiday flying solo? No matter your situation, I'm here with four tips to help you through this holiday season in the new normal.

1. Accurately assess your level of COVID comfort

This is something that I have consistently asked my patients to consider throughout this entire pandemic. You can rate this on a scale from 0 to 10, with 0 being "I haven’t left my apartment since March 2020" and 10 being "I routinely go to large underground parties with no windows, no light, and no vaccine requirements."

Depending on where you fall, list out the activities that you think feel safe. For instance, I’m pretty moderate. I am fully vaccinated, and I don’t wear a mask when I’m outside in the park for my run, but I do wear a mask indoors when I’m shopping. I have yet to go on a plane since the pandemic, but I am considering it as there are friends and family that I'd like to visit next year. Music festivals and other large-scale events are still a no-go for me.

Whatever your comfort zone, don’t judge it. It’s important to be honest in this assessment.

When I think about my comfort zone, I consider my mental and physical health, as well as public safety. I’m not a zero on the scale because being totally isolated at this point in the pandemic doesn’t appear to be justified given that I don’t have an underlying medical condition that would expose me to increased risk. Plus, I’m fully vaccinated and follow masking guidelines. However, I’m not a 10 because with the new variants it seems like too much risk for too little reward. But that’s just my assessment for me! You need to think about what's important to you, and how comfortable you feel.

2. Cope ahead

Whether you're preparing for travel or preparing to be home alone, you want to cope ahead. Think about the potential challenges and explore what...

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What Does 'Veni, Vidi, Vici' Mean?

Latin. The language of ancient Rome, and of gladiators, emperors, conquerors, and poets. Latin is a dead language today—it’s spoken nowhere in the world as a primary language—yet it remains evocative. Phrases that were coined in Latin centuries ago still have meaning for us, even now, in the 21st century.

Today we’re going to talk about three of the most famous Latin words in history—"veni, vidi, vici"—meaning “I came, I saw, I conquered.”

You probably know that these words were spoken by Julius Caesar, the general and statesman who ruled the ancient republic of Rome. 

Here are a few things you might not know about this phrase and about Caesar. 

'Veni, vidi, vici' means 'I came, I saw, I conquered'

Caesar made his “veni, vidi, vici” proclamation after winning in the three-sided civil war that rocked the Roman empire in the first century BC. After defeating King Pharnaces of Pontus at the city of Zela in 47 B.C., he sent a letter back to his friend Amintius in Rome. He wrote, “I came, I saw, I conquered.” 

This wasn’t just a boast; his victory was super fast. Caesar and his armies defeated Pharnaces within five days of their arrival at Zela—and after only four hours of fighting.

When Caesar returned triumphantly to Rome, he held a victory parade. “Veni, vidi, vici” was inscribed on a large placard called a “titulus,” that was carried at the head of the parade. That Latin word is the origin of our English words "title," "tilde" (the little squiggle you see over the letter N in Spanish), and "tittle" (the name of the dot over the lowercase letters I and J). 

Caesar 'crossed the Rubicon' literally, not figuratively

The Roman civil war had been brought about by political infighting too complicated to explain here. But the first official stroke in the war was taken by Caesar when he marched his troops out of their province in Gaul (the region we call France today), across a small river, and into Italy. The river was called “the Rubicon.” 

In crossing the Rubicon, Caesar broke the law because generals were not allowed to move their armies out of the province to which they were assigned. Caesar’s action was decisive; it was an unmistakable act of war. 

Ever since, the phrase “crossing the Rubicon” has meant any step someone takes that commits them irrevocably to a new course of action.

'Julius' isn’t a first name

Another interesting fact is that the “Julius” in “Julius Caesar” wasn’t the general’s first name. In other words, it wasn’t a name his parents picked out...

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Why 'Penultimate' Doesn't Mean 'Best'

It’s not uncommon to see people misuse the word “penultimate” to describe something as better than the best, even more ultimate than the ultimate, but it actually means “the next to last.”

'Penultimate' comes from a Latin word that means 'almost ultimate.'

My editor, Adam Cecil, told me a hilarious story about one of his friends who misused the word and caused quite a problem, so I thought it would be fun to have him here to share that story with you today. 

ADAM: Very happy to save some people some trouble here. Essentially what happened is one of my friends misused the word and told his girlfriend at the time that she was his penultimate friend. His only defense was that he truly just did not know what the word meant and thought it meant ultra ultimate, but it caused quite a bit of a tiff, and they did eventually break up. I wouldn't't say it was because of this, but it didn't help.

MIGNON: It definitely didn't help. So I hope we can keep other people from making the same mistake. I'll start with telling you where the word comes from.

“Penultimate” comes from a Latin word that means “almost ultimate,” so the next to last book in a series, the next to last day of a vacation, the next to last month of the year, and the next to last game in a player’s career are all penultimate items or events.“Penultimate” is not the best of the bunch or the last of something; it is the second-best of the bunch or second-to-the-last of something. 

• Squiggly won the penultimate prize in the raffle. (That would be the second to last prize in the raffle.)
• Aardvark’s team is preparing for the penultimate game of the season. (That would be the team’s second to last game of the season.)

From the television version of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”:

Believe me, ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing penultimate about this one. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the proverbial it. After this, there is void... emptiness... oblivion... absolute nothing. 

Origin of ‘Penultimate’

“Penultimate” was actually a noun before it became an adjective. According to Etymonline, “penultimate” referred to the “next to the last syllable of a word or verse.” For example, I found an old dictionary from the 1800s that instructed people to “...

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3 Tips to Host Your First Thanksgiving (Without Losing Your Mind)

Fact: As you read this, millions of Americans are franticly preparing for Thanksgiving dinner in one way or another. Whether it’s planning where you’re going to eat, what time you’re going to start, or what will be on the menu, every single person who celebrates Thanksgiving has turkey on their brain at this very moment.

However, for those of you out there tasked with hosting Thanksgiving dinner, an added level of stress is like an unwanted dollop of Uncle Howard's lumpy gravy. What’s even worse than hosting is when you’re a rookie Thanksgiving dinner host/hostess. That’s right, hosting Thanksgiving dinner for the first time could very well be the Super Bowl (or Turkey Bowl) of all hosting obligations. Yet have no fear: we’re all in this together. So before you overcook that turkey, frantically search Pinterest for the coolest table decorations, and spend hours Googling the best recipe for pumpkin pie, check out my top three Quick and Dirty Tips for How to Host Your First Thanksgiving.

Tip #1: Make it your own

The concept of hosting Thanksgiving dinner is much better than actually hosting Thanksgiving dinner. On the surface, we all have romantic ideas about what a perfect Thanksgiving dinner will include: delicious food, a warm ambiance, and holiday cheer throughout. We all listened to the archive of Clever Cookstr episodes so we'd be the grandest chefs that ever existed, and your table décor resembles the home of Domestic CEO.

4 Thanksgiving Crafts Your Kids Will Love

Yet sadly, my dear friends this will likely not happen. Sure, Clever Cookstr will give you all the tools you’ll need to make a killer meal, but if this is your first time out the gate hosting Thanksgiving, do not overstress about being awarded the next Top Chef. No matter how much time you spend on Pinterest hunting down the “easiest Thanksgiving DIY décor ideas,” they’re not as easy as it seems, and DIY doesn’t always get done by just yourself. Hear me out; I’m not trying to be a stick in the mud at all! In fact, I love Thanksgiving more than any other holiday. I’m just being realistic and having...

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Good Debt vs Bad Debt: Your Plan for Paying Off Debt Faster

Many people think that all debt is bad and should be avoided or paid down as quickly as possible. However, you should break down debt into two types: good and bad. It’s essential to understand their differences so you stay away from bad debt as much as possible and leverage good debt when it can help you.

This post will cover the differences between good and bad debt and some practical examples. Plus, I’ll review seven simple steps for paying off your debt as quickly as possible. Understanding these concepts will help you save money, build your net worth, and create more financial security for the future.  

Examples of good debt

One way to know if a debt is good or bad is to ask yourself if it pays for something that will appreciate or depreciate over time. If you use debt to finance an asset that can or should increase in value, it’s typically good. And debt that finances something that loses value is terrible.

Good debt is good because it can increase your net worth or wealth over time. One example is a home mortgage, which allows you to purchase an asset that typically appreciates over time. While there’s no guarantee that your home will be worth more in five years than today, in general, real estate appreciates about 3% to 5% per year. 

In 2021, there are parts of the country that have seen home prices rise 20%! But it depends on where you live and the features of your property. Plus, mortgage rates are at historic lows, making them one of the least inexpensive debts to repay. 

A certain amount of interest you pay on mortgages and home equity loans is tax-deductible, making them cost even less on an after-tax basis. The combination of benefits makes getting a mortgage for an affordable home one of the best possible debts.

Another good debt is a loan for a college education. While a student loan isn’t backed by an...

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5 Ways to Save Yourself from Overeating this Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to gather with friends and family, be grateful for all we have, and stuff ourselves silly. I'm not that concerned about the long term consequences of this. As I've said before, a single day of excess isn't going to make you gain weight any more than a one-day juice fast is going to make you lose weight.

Nonetheless, it's no fun to push yourself away from the table and realize - too late! - that you've eaten to the point of discomfort. 

Here are 5 strategies that can help you enjoy this year's feast without regrets:

Sponsor: This episode is brought to you by NatureBox. Discover smarter snacking with a new NatureBox each month. Get your first box FREE when you go to NatureBox.com/qdt.

 

Thanksgiving Tip #1: Keep the Appetizers Light

The traditional Thanksgiving menu features a lot of heavy, rich dishes - lots of starches, creamy casseroles, and everything is dripping with butter and gravy. It's not a light meal. Unfortunately, the pre-dinner snacks tend to be just as heavy and rich as the main event! All too often people sit down to dinner already half-full from the snacks they've been nibbling all afternoon while dinner is prepared. 

See also: 3 Tips on How to Eat Less Without Feeling Hungry

 

Rather than filling up on calorie-dense appetizers like cheese and crackers, clam dip, nuts, and bacon-wrapped pineapple chunks, keep the pre-dinner snacks light: crisp radishes and snow peas with a yogurt based dip, kale chips, and steamed edamame, for example. Clearing away all the snacks about an hour before dinner will also help ensure that people sit down to the table with an appetite. 

Thanksgiving Tip #2: Use Smaller Plates

Research shows that when we use smaller plates, we serve ourselves smaller portions, consume fewer calories, but feel just as satisfied as we do after eating more calories off of larger plates. Now consider that the average size of dinner plates has gone from 9 to 13 inches over the last 30 years and our rising rates of obesity don't seem that surprising.

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Time to Question Your Old Work Habits

My dad has always been a runner. So, when I graduated from college determined to bump up my own fitness, I took up running. Because in my family, fitness was running.

 

Two years later, slim and grumpy, I had an epiphany. I HATE running! I had defaulted to running as a means of fitness simply because I’d never stopped to question it. But in 2003 I joined my first gym, and a whole new beautiful world opened up to me. Today, I do everything at the gym…except run. And I’m fitter now than ever. Sorry, Dad.

 

The point is that sometimes we hold onto assumptions about the way things are or should be. We stick with routines and habits. Not because they’re true or good. Just because we’ve never questioned them. And sometimes those old assumptions can get in the way of our best results.

 

I see people doing the same thing in the workplace. We do things on autopilot out of habit. But it’s time to stop and question some of these defaults. 

 

Today let’s talk about the most common habits that have us stuck, and the tactics we can use to break out of them.

1. Saying yes to the meeting

When a meeting request comes in, chances are you check your availability. And if the time is open on your calendar, you accept. Right? I was guilty of this for years. 

But what if we asked better questions? Instead of asking “am I available?” what if you tried asking…

• Do I believe that whatever is on the agenda for this meeting actually warrants a meeting?
• Is there something specific the organizer is looking for me to deliver in this meeting or is it just to keep me in the loop (in which case, a quick email after the meeting would suffice)?
• Would attending this meeting help me to deliver on my goals and commitments?
• Will this meeting provide me with an opportunity for exposure or connection to someone important?
• Is participating in this meeting the best relative use of that hour?

If your answers are anything but yes, then you owe yourself the gift of a pause before you hit “accept.”

 

Being invited to a meeting doesn’t—or shouldn’t—obligate you to donate an hour of your time to someone else’s agenda. An open slot on your calendar doesn’t have to equate to an implicit invitation to anyone else to snatch up that time.

 

Next time you receive a calendar invite, pause and reflect before you hit yes. Your time is a precious resource, and part of your job is to manage its expenditure wisely. 

 

Is that meeting indeed the best use of your time? Or is saying yes just a habit worth breaking? ...

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The Fastest Way to Relieve Sciatica Pain at Home

Have you ever experienced pain on one side of your butt or hip that radiates down your leg? Describe this pattern of pain to your primary care clinician and I bet you’ll be told that you have sciatica, a relatively common condition that up to 40% of people will suffer from at some point in life. 

Your clinician will likely explain that sciatica is caused by irritation, inflammation, pinching, or compression of a nerve in the lower back from a herniated or slipped disc. They may ask you to avoid certain activities, prescribe you meds, and refer you to a physical therapist or a spine specialist. 

Like any well-informed patient in the digital age, you do your own homework by Googling “sciatica” and all the top search results, each from highly reputable sources, confirm that the pain you’re experiencing is coming from your spine. At this point, most people would feel anxious, worried, or scared because sciatica sounds pretty serious. I know I would be! 

But what if I told you that sciatica may not be a result of a herniated disc or even have anything to do with your spine? What if I also told you that 3 simple exercises may quickly and effectively reduce or eliminate sciatica symptoms in a few short weeks? 

Understanding sciatica 

As a physical therapist, sciatica is one of the most common conditions that I see and I get several new cases every week from clients young and old.

The sciatic nerve is the longest nerve in your body. It begins at the lower part of your spinal cord, travels through your hips and buttocks, runs along the back of each thigh and leg, and terminates in your foot. Sciatica refers to pain that radiates along the path of the sciatic nerve when the nerve is irritated.

Sciatica is commonly attributed to prolonged sitting, heavy lifting, increased stress on the spine from obesity, damage to the nerves from diabetes, and age-related changes to the spine. Up until relatively recently, the spine was considered to be the main source of sciatica caused when a herniated disk or some other structure in the spine presses on the nerve. 

However, one study that looked at the spine of 215...

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Where Should You and Your Partner Spend the Holidays?

The holiday season is meant to be a time filled with joy, friends, family, and good food. In fact, Thanksgiving in particular is one of the happiest days of the year. All of the social rituals and expressed gratitude on that day are linked to reported increased happiness and reduced feelings of stress for 68% of Americans. In the last year in particular, many of us felt the strain of missing out on holiday experiences due to COVID-19. The social connection during this season is something that many people look forward to. 

However, with the holidays comes certain expectations for how people ought to experience each holiday. We feel obligated to see family, to travel long distances, and to celebrate in particular ways. This sense of obligation may lead romantic partners to feel competing ways about how they should be spending each holiday. Do we go to my family or your family? What did we do last year? I don’t like the way your family celebrates this holiday. You don’t want to be interrogated by my nosy Aunt this year. We want to create our own traditions in our own home for the holiday. 

Navigating these competing concerns can be difficult. Whether it’s your first holiday as an official couple or the 15th time you’ve had to decide where to go for Thanksgiving, these decisions may invoke a sense of anxiety or discomfort. This is particularly true for people who have fought about this in prior relationships or in their current relationship during the prior holiday seasons. So, how can we more effectively navigate this?

Navigating milestone conflicts

The holiday season is a set time every year that we can expect to encounter. Research tells us that when an event is associated with recurrent conflict, like fighting with your partner about where you are spending the holidays, it can preemptively produce anxiety or worry in anticipation of that conflict occurring. This worry may spark intrusive, or ruminative, thoughts about the issue and/or your partner. This conflict can feel high stakes and produce overly emotional conversations because they center around meaningful relationships in your life or touchy subjects, like your family, money, or your faith.

...

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NaNoWriMo Bonus Excerpts: "What About the Baby?"

What About the Baby? Some Thoughts on the Art of Fiction gathers the bestselling novelist Alice McDermott’s pithiest wisdom about her chosen art, acquired over a lifetime as an acclaimed writer and teacher of writing.

From technical advice (“check that your verbs aren’t burdened by unnecessary hads and woulds”) to setting the bar (“I expect the fiction I read to carry with it the conviction that it is written with no other incentive than that it must be written”), from the demands of readers (“they’d been given a story with a baby in it, and they damn well wanted that baby accounted for”) to the foibles of public life (“I’ve never subscribed to the notion that a film adaptation is the final imprimatur for a work of fiction, despite how often I’ve been told by encouraging friends and strangers, ‘Maybe they’ll make a movie of your novel,’ as if I’d been aiming for a screenplay all along but somehow missed the mark and wrote a novel by mistake”), McDermott muses trenchantly and delightfully about the craft of fiction.

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How to Handle Holiday Parenting Stress

It’s that time of year again! My parent clients who gather with extended family during the winter holidays are starting to stress out. Folks are either traveling to holiday gatherings or they’re planning and hosting them.

While there are some parents who are fondly looking forward to connecting with family members, others are dreading the less positive aspects of meeting up with far-flung family.

How will your kids manage the different rules in other adults’ homes? What will you do about kiddie cousin conflict, when your sister and brother-in-law tend to use harsh shaming and punishments to "solve" squabbles? How will you deal with the side-eye you get from your own parents when you choose respectful discipline approaches instead? Do you enforce your children’s normal routines from home when the other kids and adults have very different daily rhythms? What if your child isn’t great with transition and change? What if you aren’t great with transitions and change?

The rigamarole of holiday logistics can lead to challenging behavior from both you and your children.

Here are 7 ways to reduce family anxiety during the winter holidays:

1. Prepare for family differences in habits and routines

If you’ll be staying with family, talk with the other adults involved beforehand about general wake times, bedtimes, and eating times. As you begin one task or activity, remind your child of what’s coming up next. “After this card game, we’ll read some books, and then it will be time to help Auntie Jane with dinner.”

Does your child have certain sensory sensitivities and needs? Let your extended family know about these ahead of time and how you plan to handle them. The fewer surprises for everyone, the better.

2. Discuss everyone’s expectations beforehand

Don’t assume that just because you’re family that you’re all on the same page about what day-to-day living looks like. Make sure everyone communicates their hard limits and boundaries before your gathering. Otherwise, you might be unpleasantly surprised to find out that your sibling took for granted that you were buying all of the groceries and doing all of the cooking and cleaning at the vacation rental.

How much togetherness/solitary time does everyone need and how can that be accommodated? How will you handle kid conflicts? If you’re hosting at your place, do your kids need to put away any special toys that they’d prefer no other children play with?

3. Set yourself and your kids up for success

Before embarking on your family’s traditional afternoon nature hike, make sure everyone in your nuclear family has had their biological needs taken care of. A well-fed, well-slept, well-connected kiddo is going to have a much easier time tolerating their baby cousin’s poking and the...

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How Trauma Hijacks the Brain

Have you ever wondered how trauma might be impacting your brain?

Today, I'm going to introduce the concept of the triune brain, and how each part of your brain may process your traumatic experiences. Triune means, literally, "three in one." The triune brain model describes three areas within the brain that have a unique way of understanding and processing information; however, they are meant to function as a cohesive whole.

However, trauma and attachment issues can disrupt this cohesion and lead to things operating out of sync.

The triune brain model

The reptilian brain

In the triune brain model, the oldest part is the reptilian brain. It’s fully developed at birth and includes the brain stem and cerebellum. It operates on instinct and is responsible for the survival-related functions of the body.

The reptilian brain is most closely linked to sensorimotor or body processing. Examples of reptilian brain functions include: reflexes or instinctive trauma responses such as fight, flight, or freeze, startle responses, crying for help, aggression, and urges to hoard resources. It also controls autonomic responses that we experience as body sensations and basic life-sustaining processes like digestion, heart rate, body temperature, and respiration.

The reptilian brain is active whether we are asleep or awake to make sure that these vital functions are working properly. Because the reptilian brain governs basic instinctive actions, it acts very quickly, much more quickly than the neocortex, which we'll get to later. If a baseball is flying at your head, you don’t typically have to think about your response: your reptilian brain will make you duck instinctively.

The mammalian brain

The mammalian brain, a.k.a. the emotional or limbic brain, is responsible for our emotional and relational experiences. The mammalian brain includes the thalamus, amygdala, and hippocampus. It is also available to us at birth and connects the reptilian and neocortex parts of our brains.

Emotions lend another dimension to our experience by letting us know of our likes and dislikes, helping to identify what is emotionally important or meaningful to us. It also colors how we perceive pain and pleasure, and adds emotional richness to our lives and relationships.

In regards to our relationships, it allows us to be aware of our impact on others and of their impact on us, and it allows us to socially engage with others and attach. It’s also responsible for us feeling drawn towards or away from things and to hold emotional memories of our experiences.

How do these parts of the mammalian brain work? The thalamus receives information from our five senses. When that information includes threat or danger cues, the...

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How Places Get Their Names

If you’ve ever tried writing fiction or dabbled in world-building in video or table-top games like Dungeons and Dragons, you may have noticed that one of the more challenging elements is something you may not expect—coming up with place names.

When you think about it, as exotic and evocative as the names some writers can come up with (J.R.R. Tolkien leaps to mind), here in the real world, place names can be a bit on the boring side.

If you’re reading/listening in North America, you might immediately think of how many cities and towns are simply named directly for places from the “Old World”: places like London, Ontario; Paris, Missouri; Brussels, Illinois; Amsterdam, Pennsylvania; Berlin, Connecticut; and Dublin, Texas. Sometimes the founders of places like this put a “new” at the beginning, as in New Hampshire, but sometimes it seems like they were just homesick and wanted a familiar name for their new surroundings.

Beyond just taking an old name and applying it to a new place, most names for cities, towns, and regions can be sorted into two main categories: geography and history. When you get right down to it, places are usually named for the things around them, or someone famous who contributed to their founding, or maybe even both.

For example, the city where I went to university was called Peterborough. It was named for a man named Peter, and the suffix “borough” comes from the same word that lends itself to the endings of places like Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and Edinburgh, Scotland; it’s derived from an Old English word meaning “hill” or “hill fort.” So Peterborough is “the city on the hill that Peter helped build.” 

Pittsburgh is named for William Pitt and was the site of Fort Pitt.

As for Edinburgh, the first bit is much older and has its own complicated and contested history, but if you’ve ever been, or ever get a chance to visit Edinburgh, you’ll immediately recognize that the “burgh” part is from the hill. The castle is on a huge hill.

In the UK, a lot of places have the ending “-cester” or “-chester” (Manchester may be the most prominent one, but you'll find Dorchester, Gloucester and the famous Worcester as well). That ending comes from a Latin word meaning “fort” or “castle.” So someone built a castle in a nice place, it became more and more well-known as people settled around it, and then eventually that became the name of the city or town or even region itself.

By the way, it might seem like this is a specifically UK thing, but remember how homesickness led to the naming of US and Canadian cities and towns? There are actually 27 towns across the United States named Chester!

Speaking of...

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10 New Words from World War II

A few months ago, I participated in a game-show fundraiser for The Noah Webster House with a bunch of other language people, and Peter Sokolowski from Merriam-Webster made an off-hand comment about World War II being a rich source of new words, which made me curious about which words, so I thought since today is Veterans Day in the United States, it would be a good time to satisfy that curiosity.

"How might you go about finding such words?" you might wonder. Well, the online version of the Oxford English Dictionary has some fabulous search filters, and the most interesting way I was able to search for WWII words was to search for entries that include the word “slang” in their etymology and show the first time the word was used as being in the early 1940s. 

1. Cakehole

You may remember that a few episodes ago, when we were talking about the word “schnozz” being a word for your nose, I mentioned that “piehole” is a word for your mouth. Well, my 1940s slang search turned up a similar, earlier word—“cakehole”—that also describes your mouth, and it started out as military slang. You can tell because the first citation is from a 1943 book called “Service Slang” and reads, “Cake hole, the airman's name for his or anyone else's mouth.”

“Piehole” is much newer; it didn’t show up until 1983, but I’d be willing to bet it was modeled on “cakehole,” so we can ultimately thank those 1940s airmen for both. I guess back then cake was just more popular than pie.

The term made me wonder if troops got cake in their rations. It seemed unlikely since I can’t imagine cake traveling well, and as far as I can tell, at least for troops from the US and UK, they didn’t get cake. The treats they got in their rations were typically candy. I guess they were just fantasizing about cake.

And that line of reasoning led me to investigate Twinkies because of their famed long shelf life. Could they have been stable enough to travel with the troops? I mean, they’re kind of cake. 

Twinkies did exist by World War II. They were invented in 1930, but back then their shelf life was only 26 days. And it turns out that even today with more preservatives, the...

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7 Ways to Boost Productivity

Employees working from home have more freedom to choose their hours, as long as they get their work done, and the great WFH experiment has shown that they really are. That’s because productivity isn’t about the exact number of hours you work, but how smart you work and how much you achieve in that time.

Everyone wants to achieve peak productivity, but it’s not something you can achieve on demand or force anyone into. To be productive, you have to want to work, be in an environment that enables quality work, and have the resources you need to do the work.

To that end, here are 7 ways that you can create the conditions that encourage productivity.

Get organized

Having to search for the files, information, or tools you need to complete your assignments is the very opposite of productivity. Likewise, hunting for the right cloud tool and trying to remember which one you used last time also messes with your focus and throws your productivity off course.

It may seem like a waste of time to file documents properly or organize work tools if they’re all easily searchable on your device or in the cloud, but searching through folders is an irritating task that takes up time and saps your energy.

It’s worth devoting an hour or so to getting your house in order. That means filing documents logically and saving tools somewhere you can easily find them.

How to Be Productive When the Organization Isn't

Take more breaks

It can be tempting sometimes to push yourself to work even when you’re not focusing, just to notch up the expected number of work hours a day, but it’s counter-productive. You just end up getting less done, and then you probably take a longer break as a “reward” for having worked for so long.

Take a break. Breaks allow you to reset your concentration, helping you regain energy and focus so you can work more effectively.

But use the break wisely. It’s best to do something totally different, like playing solitaire for free online. This kind of game requires a different type of thought process which helps stimulate your brain so you return to work refreshed.

Change your surroundings

As the saying goes, a change can be as good as a holiday. Working in a different physical environment can help wake up your thinking and stop you from getting stuck in a rut.

True, not everyone is able to go on a workation, but you could change which room you work in in the...

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Grammar Quirks: Ann Cleeves on Not Letting Grammar Get in the Way

Grammar Girl: What’s your favorite word and why?

Ann Cleeves: "Serendipity." I love the sound of it, but also the concept, that sense of chancing on a new idea, thing, or person just at the right time. I first went to Shetland because of a serendipitous meeting in a London pub with someone who was heading off to be assistant warden in the Bird Observatory in Fair Isle. He let slip that there was a vacancy as an assistant cook. I couldn’t cook, and I knew nothing about birds, but they must have been desperate because they gave me the job! I went on to meet my husband on the island—he was a visiting birder—and to make lifelong friends there. Shetland is also the setting for the novel that changed my career.

GG: What’s a word you dislike (either because it’s overused or misused) and why?

AC:  This is probably completely irrational, but I do dislike "so" at the beginning of a sentence. Broadcasters use it a lot now and usually it’s completely unnecessary. It’s become a habit, I think, and it serves no real purpose.

GG: What word will you always misspell?

AC:  "Affect" and "effect."  I need someone to explain the context in which each is used!  I’m still not entirely sure.

Affect Versus Effect

GG: What word (or semblance of a word) would you like to see added to the dictionary? Why?

AC:  "Pixieshittery," used to describe the kitsch tat found in gift shops, especially in faded seaside towns. It was coined by a friend of my husband, and it’s gone on to become part of my vocabulary. It is so descriptive. I used it in one of my Matthew Venn books and readers loved it too.

GG: Any grammar pet peeves we should know about?

AC:  Like many people I hate the misuse of the apostrophe, which is used to denote belonging in certain circumstances—as in "the boy’s ball" (singular "boy") or the "boys’ ball" (plural)—but also a missing letter ("don’t" for "do not"). Of course, there are exceptions to the rule so "its ball" is correct although it means belonging, to differentiate it from "it’s stupid" where a letter is missing …...

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