I have a single friend who hates hearing this question: “Why are you still single?” Or, the similar question: “How are you still single? You’re so great!” She feels like the question implies that something is wrong with her or her approach to dating, or worse, that being single is in some way a reflection of her ability to get a partner rather than her desire to not be partnered. Not everyone has the desire to be in a romantic relationship. Whether it's the desire to be single just for now, or the lack of desire to be partnered long-term, singlehood is a totally valid decision. Similarly, being unintentionally single doesn’t inherently signal that there is a problem that needs fixing.
As we start to approach February, we may see increasing pressure from our family, friends, or society generally that we should be in a relationship. Some of this pressure may come from common misconceptions that single people may be immature or self-centered, or that marriage is and should be the end-all-be-all goal for everyone.
Even with some of these outdated perceptions, the number of adults in the United States living without a partner continues to increase. Rates of marriage are falling. Even though rates of unmarried cohabitation, or living with your romantic partner, are rising, the number of adults living by themselves is still increasing. In 2021, 15% of American adults lived alone, compared to only 14% in 2011. The largest group of single adults is among people younger than 35 years old, with about 3 out of 5 adults younger than 35 living without a partner. So if you happen to be single and younger than 35, you are in good company.
What does the research say about singlehood?
So, does being single mean you’re inherently sad or lonely as your family and friends’ questions imply? Fortunately, research supports a resounding “no” to that question! Research has found that single people, compared to married people, are ...
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