Selasa, 31 Oktober 2017

Buying a Home? Best Ways to Save Your Down Payment

Buying a Home? Best Ways to Save Your Down PaymentIf your goal is to buy a home, you’ve probably been thinking about how and where to save money for a down payment. That’s exactly what Satta, a member of the Dominate Your Dollars Facebook group, recently asked.

Satta says, “My husband and I plan to buy a home in the next two years. But the interest rate on our bank accounts is not great, so I was considering opening an online savings account with a higher rate. What are the pros and cons of using an online bank for this?”

In this post, I’ll cover the best places to stash cash for your new home. Plus, I’ll tell you how much you should save and tips to accumulate a down payment faster.

Free Resource: Online Bank Comparison Chart (PDF) - compares top online accounts on a one-page guide.

What Is a Down Payment When Buying a Home?

For most people, buying a home is the largest purchase you’ll ever make. Becoming a homeowner isn’t for everyone—but if it is one of your financial goals, I recommend that you begin preparing as far in advance as possible.

In How to Prepare Your Credit for a Mortgage Approval, you can read or listen to six tips for building credit before you apply for a mortgage. That will help you get a loan that costs as little as possible.

But before you can even qualify for a mortgage, you’ll need to prove to a potential lender that you have enough in savings to fund a down payment. It’s a one-time cash payment you pay upfront at the closing.

The reason you have to make a down payment is because home lenders generally won’t finance 100% of the purchase price. The bigger the down payment you can make, the less risky the loan is for the lender.

The bigger the down payment you can make, the less risky the loan is for the lender.

Plus, there are closing costs on top of a home’s purchase price. They vary depending on where you buy a home, but often include:

  • credit check 
  • loan origination or underwriting fee 
  • discount points, which allows you to get a lower interest rate   
  • inspections 
  • appraisal 
  • survey 
  • title insurance, which protects the lender if the title isn’t clean 
  • recording the new deed

See also: Best Mortgage Company to Shop Your Home Loan

How Much Down Payment Money You Need When Buying a Home

So, exactly how much of a down payment do you need to buy a home? Depending on the lender, the kind of loan you get, and your financial situation, you'll typically have to pay a minimum of 5% to 20% of a home’s purchase price.


Of course, everything is negotiable. When you make a purchase offer on a home, you can request that the seller pay some or all of your closing costs. You can also haggle with your mortgage lender not to charge certain upfront fees.

If you do negotiate with a lender to avoid fees, just make sure that it doesn’t cost you more in the long run. They can make up for fees by charging you a higher interest rate or including fees in the total amount of the loan, which means you’d end up paying interest on your closing costs.

The money for a down payment can come from your savings or gifts from family. If you’re already a homeowner, your down payment can come from the money you make when you sell your current home.

Be aware that the standards for buying a second home or an investment property are more stringent. You’re typically required to pay a much bigger down payment, such as 10% to 20%, for non-owner occupied real estate.

See also: Should You Get or Pay Off a Home Mortgage?

Private Mortgage Insurance (PMI) and Buying a Home

PMI is s a special kind of insurance that lenders typically require you to pay when you borrow more than 80% of the value of a property, even if you have excellent credit.

Speaking of putting down 20%, that’s a magic number when it comes to private mortgage insurance or PMI. PMI is s a special kind of insurance that lenders typically require you to pay when you borrow more than 80% of the value of a property, even if you have excellent credit.

PMI protects the lender if you can’t pay your mortgage and they have to foreclose. As a borrower, you don’t get any benefits from PMI, so if you can put down a minimum of 20%, you can avoid that expense altogether.

See also: Avoid Private Mortgage Insurance (PMI) on Your Home Loan

6 Tips to Save for Down Payment When Buying a Home

Before I cover some of the best places to put your down payment money, here are some tips to help you save as quickly as possible:

Savings Tip #1: Automate it

When you make saving more convenient you’re more likely to do it. So make automation your friend by having a portion of your paycheck deposited into a separate savings account just for your down payment.

You might choose a fixed amount, like $200 per month. Or you can specify a percentage of each paycheck so you save more when you get a raise or bonus.

Saving Tip #2: Save all raises and bonuses

For a set period of time, consider saving all extra income you receive from work.

For instance, if you get a 3% raise, increase your down payment savings percentage by at least that amount. Or if you get quarterly or annual bonuses, transfer the full amounts to savings.


Saving Tip #3: Save your tax refunds and gifts

Don’t forget that windfalls like tax refunds, cash gifts, or inheritances give you the perfect opportunity to save for a down payment on your next home.

Savings Tips #4 Start a side hustle for extra income

Sometimes you need to get serious about creating additional income in order to save enough for a down payment.

Consider how you can use your skills to provide a service—like tutoring, website maintenance, or giving music lessons—and bring in quick money to set aside. Or you could find a part-time or seasonal job that fits into your full-time work schedule.  

Saving Tip #5: Save your old car payment

If you paid off your car loan or are close to it, resist the urge to buy another one. Keep your car and save an amount equal to the payment for your down payment.

Saving Tip #6: Tap your IRA

The rules for a traditional or Roth IRA allow you to tap up to $10,000 to buy or build your first home, without having to pay a 10% early withdrawal penalty.

The rules for a traditional or Roth IRA allow you to tap up to $10,000 to buy or build your first home, without having to pay a 10% early withdrawal penalty.

But there are downsides to taking an early distribution from any type of retirement account. One is that you’ll owe federal and state income tax on any distributions that were not previously taxed.

Another con is that you set back your progress on retirement savings, which is more important in the long run than becoming a homeowner.

Also see: How to Buy a Home in 10 Steps

Best Places to Save a Down Payment When Buying a Home

Once you begin saving money for a house down payment, you’ll probably get a little anxious about where to keep it. You might be tempted to invest it with the hope of turbocharging its growth.

Unless your target date to buy a home is more than 5 years down the road, I don’t recommending putting your down payment savings at any investment risk. As you know, the financial markets are volatile in the short term, which means you could lose all or a significant portion of your money right before you need it.  

What about certificates of deposit or CDs? They may offer a slightly higher rate than savings or money market account, but you give up liquidity. Your money is locked up for the term of a CD, such as 6 months, one year, or more.

The fact is that getting a tenth of a percent more interest doesn’t make it worth it—unless you’re absolutely positive you won’t need the money before a CD’s maturity date. Otherwise you’ll pay a penalty to cash out sooner.


Instead, tuck your down payment savings in a high-yield, FDIC-insured savings account. That insures your money will be completely safe, give you flexibility, and earn some interest to boot.

Online banks typically offer the highest interest rates because they don’t have as much overhead as institutions with local branches. However, local credit unions can be competitive—if you qualify for membership.

Also see: Bank or Credit Union—Which Is Better?

Online banks typically offer the highest interest rates because they don’t have as much overhead as institutions with local branches. 

Interest rates for online savings accounts change frequently, but here are some good options I recommend Satta check out that have no minimum balance requirements and pay close to 1%:

Making sacrifices to become a homeowner can bring many benefits—especially if you live in an area where owning is less expensive than renting. If you have a fixed-rate mortgage, every mortgage payment you make builds equity in your home, which is a terrific way to build your net worth and wealth.

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Mortgage Concept image courtesy of Shutterstock



What is Sole Water and Is It Good For You?

what is sole water and is it good for you

Nancy writes: “What's your take on sole water? I've been hearing a lot about it and how fantastic it can be, but don't want to jump on the bandwagon if it's detrimental to my health.”

What is Sole Water?

Sole (so-lay) water, if you haven’t heard of it, is a new fad being promoted by various “alternative” health and wellness gurus. Basically, it amounts to drinking salt-water. Not just any salt-water, mind you. But a special solution made from Pink Himalayan Salt and purified water.

Himalayan salt is harvested from the Himalayan mountains, which used to be ancient seabeds. The pink color is due to the presence of various minerals and impurities in the salt. Most of the minerals found in Himalayan salt have no known function in the human body. Some, such as potassium and magnesium, are essential. Others, such as cadmium, mercury, and arsenic, are actually harmful if consumed in sufficient quantities. Fortunately, the quantities we’re talking about here are too small to be harmfulbut, by the same token, are also too minute to be nutritionally meaningful.

These pink crystals have become fairly ubiquitous. They do look pretty in a salt grinder. The trace minerals can impart a mellower, more complex flavor that a lot of people find pleasant. And, because they’re not as pure, unrefined sea salts are sometimes a bit lower in sodium than regular table salt.

But now, Himalayan salt is also being used to make sole water. The usual procedure is to dissolve pink salt crystals in water to make a concentrated solution. Then, you mix a teaspoon of this concentrate in glass of water and drink it once or twice a day. I’m not clear on why this two step process is necessary. It seems to me that you could just dissolve a ¼ teaspoon of salt in a glass of water. But apparently, that disrupts the vibrations...or something.

In any case, drinking this on a daily basis is said to provide an astonishing array of benefits. Here is a list gleaned from the Internet (that most reliable of sources).

The Supposed Health Benefits of Sole Water

  • Detoxifies the body
  • Balances systemic pH
  • Improves hydration
  • Improves mineral status
  • Reduces muscle cramps
  • Helps balance blood sugar
  • Supports hormone balance for everyone, no matter what hormonal issues you face (no, seriously, that’s a verbatim quote)
  • Helps balance blood pressure
  • Improves sleep
  • Acts as a powerful antihistamine
  • Supports weight loss
  • Supports thyroid and adrenal function
  • Reduces cravings for addictive substances
  • Rids the body of heavy metals
  • Prevents arthritis, kidney and gall bladder stones
  • Boosts energy
  • Prevents varicose veins
  • Strengthens bones

Whew! Can you believe how powerful this stuff is? Yeah, neither can I.


Does Sole Water Really Work? Not Really...

Some of the claimssuch as balancing your blood pressuredon’t even make sense. Others are far-fetched extrapolations based on biological functions that involve sodium and/or various minerals.

But the amount of minerals that you get from using Himalayan salt or drinking sole water are far too small to be affecting these functions in any measurable way. And there’s no substantiation for the claims that these tiny amounts of minerals are somehow more usable or powerful because they are in some sort of energetically-charged form or harmonically-balanced proportions.

The "Science" Behind Sole Water

But what about the double-blind placebo controlled research that’s cited as scientific proof that this stuff works? There does appear to have been a single, unpublished study which used a highly questionable, unvalidated testing methodology to measure various indicators of “optimal wellness.” And the findings didn’t come close to supporting the kinds of claims that are being made for sole water.  

Drinking salt water can act as a laxative, which may be helpful if you’re constipated but will not remove toxins from your body. Drinking salt water can also cause nausea or vomiting, so it’s not a strategy I would recommend.

Of course, the internet is full of anecdotal reports about how drinking sole water has had miraculous effects on people’s health. But I think we’re looking at a whole lot of placebo effect, uncontrolled variables, and just plain old marketing. Pink Himalayan salt can be an attractive way to season your food. Drinking sole water, on the other hand, is a pseudo-scientific fad with little provenor even plausiblebenefits.

Do you have a question or claim you'd like me to research? Post it below or on the Nutrition Diva Facebook page.  And if you enjoy listening to podcasts, I hope you'll add the Nutrition Diva to your playlist!

Image of Himalayan Salt © Shutterstock



Istanbul and Beyond: The Rich Story of Turkey's Food

istanbul and beyond

Robyn Eckhardt and her husband David Hagerman have spent decades exploring and eating throughout Turkey. In their new book, the reader is taken on a journey to discover the food of Turkey, from the street fare of Istanbul to the seafood of the Black Sea, the dairy of the Northeast and the pomegranates and chilies of the Hatay province.

To hear the full interview with Robyn, listen using the embedded audio player, or on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, and Spotify.

COILED TAHINI BUNS

TAHINLI ÇÖREK

In these lightly sweet bread coils, which are eaten for breakfast or as a snack, with tea, layers of tender buttery dough conceal pockets of rich, nutty sesame paste. My touchstone for this treat has long been the version from Yedi Sekiz Hasan Pasa, a bakery in Besiktas district, on Istanbul’s European side, that dates back to the latter years of the Ottoman Empire. There the pastries are bigger than the palm of my hand and heavy with sesame paste. Veysel Büyüksolak, a young pastry chef at Istanbul’s Nicole restaurant, helpful advice when I attempted to replicate the buns at home. To create the flaky layers, a circle of dough drizzled with tahini is rolled into a rope, which is in turn twisted before being coiled. In Turkey, pastry chefs and home cooks use an oklava, a long, thin rolling pin, to roll and stretch their dough. You can buy an oklava, which is also useful for making plain pastry dough, online , or use a 20-inch piece of wooden dowel or light metal piping instead. For those with little patience for rolling dough, I’ve also included directions for making buns that are smaller, plumper, and less flaky but no less delicious. The dough ropes may leak a bit of tahini when they are stretched, twisted, and coiled. Just wipe the sesame paste from your work space with your finger and smear it over the dough; the oil will leave a desirable sheen on the pastry.

These buns keep for up to 5 days and freeze well. They’re best warm: Wrap in foil and reheat in a 350°F oven.

PREPARATION TIME: 1¾ hours, plus 1 hour rising time

MAKES 8 BUNS; EACH SERVES 1 OR 2

FOR THE DOUGH

  • ¾ cup water
  • 1 tablespoon instant yeast
  • 4¾ cups (26 ¹⁄8 ounces) bread flour, plus additional for kneading and rolling out the dough
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1½ teaspoons fine sea salt
  • 2 large eggs
  • ¾ cup vegetable oil

FOR THE FILLING

  • 2½ cups tahini, plus more if needed
  • ¼ cup plus 2 teaspoons sugar

FOR THE WASH

  • 1 egg
  • 1 teaspoon water
  • Pinch of fine sea salt
  • 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon untoasted white sesame seeds
  • 2 teaspoons sugar

Instructions on the following page.


1. MAKE THE DOUGH: To mix in a stand mixer, see below. Put the water in a large bowl and sprinkle the yeast over it. Whisk together the flour, sugar, and salt in another bowl.

2. Beat the eggs and oil together in a small bowl, add to the yeast mixture, and stir lightly to combine. Add the dry ingredients and use your hands or a dough scraper to mix and cut the ingredients together. When the mass comes together, it will be sticky and oily; turn it out onto an unfloured surface and knead, adding up to 2 tablespoons of flour, 2 teaspoons at a time, as necessary, until the dough is smooth and only slightly tacky, about 8 minutes. Transfer the dough to an unoiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and let rise until it has increased in size by half, 30 to 45 minutes.

3. Turn the dough out onto an unfloured work surface and divide it into 8 roughly equal pieces. Roll each piece into a ball, cover with plastic wrap or an upturned bowl, and let rest for 15 minutes.

4. Place the racks in the upper and lower thirds of the oven and heat the oven to 400°F.

5. ASSEMBLE THE PASTRIES: Lightly flour a large work surface. Place a dough ball on the surface and roll it out to an approximately 10-inch circle. If you started with a regular rolling pin, switch to an oklava or other long pin (see headnote). Lightly flour the bottom third of the dough and the pin. Place the pin at the top edge of the dough and roll the dough up around the pin as you move it toward you. Stop after every second or third rotation of the pin, lightly place your palms side by side at the center of the pin, and roll it back and forth beneath your palms as you move your hands away from each other along its length. Use a light touch and roll in short strokes. You should feel and see the dough stretching. Continue rolling the dough up onto the pin and stopping to stretch it until it is completely wrapped around the pin. Lift up the pin, flour the work surface again, and carefully unroll the dough onto the surface, turned 90 degrees from its original orientation. Don’t be discouraged if the dough is not a perfect circle, or if it is not much larger than when you started; this just means that you need to apply more pressure to the pin as you roll it out again. If the dough sticks to itself, flour it a bit more heavily before rolling it onto the pin again. Repeat this technique—wrapping the dough around the pin and turning it 90 degrees each time—as many times as necessary to achieve a very thin circle at least 16 and up to 20 inches in diameter. If, when you’ve finished rolling the dough, it’s thicker in some spots than in others, use the rolling pin to even it out. Work your way around the dough circle, lifting the edges to the center to make sure it doesn’t stick, gently stretching the dough as you do so. Be sure not to tear it. Alternatively, use a regular rolling pin to roll the dough out to a 12- to 14-inch circle.

6. Distribute ¼ cup plus 1 tablespoon of the tahini over the dough circle. The easiest way to do this is to scoop up a tablespoonful at a time, hold the spoon a foot or so above the dough, and move your hand as you tilt the spoon. Don’t skip the edges of the dough—if you end up with some tahini on your work surface, just use your finger to dab it up and smear it on the dough—and don’t worry about unevenly distributed tahini. Sprinkle 1¾ teaspoons of the sugar over the tahini.

7. Roll the dough up into a rope. The rope needn’t be perfect, and it shouldn’t be too tight, but try to keep it as thin as possible. If once you’ve rolled the dough into a rope, you find that tahini has leaked out, just wipe it up with your fingers and gently spread it over the outside of the rope.

coiled tahini buns

8. Lay the rope on your work surface parallel to your body. Starting in the center of the rope, with your hands about 8 inches apart, pick up the rope and move it gently up and down while gently tugging on it; it will begin to stretch. Repeat this motion several times, working on different sections of the rope, until it is 3 to 3½ feet long. Alternatively, if in Step 5 you opted to work with a smaller circle of dough, your rope should be about 1½ feet long after stretching. (To complete this step on a smaller work surface, loop the rope back on itself several times and work on a small section at a time.) As you work, try to keep the rope equally thick along its length.

9. Now twist the rope: Place the palm or fingers of your left hand on the rope about 1 foot in from its right end and, holding that bit of the rope in place, twist it with your right hand. Don’t twist so tightly that the rope curls in on itself, but the twist marks should be visible. Repeat, working your way down the rope, until it is twisted along its entire length.

10. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper. Form the rope into a loose coil on one of the sheets, leaving an ⅛-inch gap between each ring of the spiral coil. Tuck the end of the rope underneath the outer edge of the coil. With your palm or the heel of your hand, gently press down on the coil to join, but not fuse, its rings. Lay a damp towel over the pastry while you use the rest of the dough to make 7 more coils, distributing them between the two baking sheets and covering with a damp towel as you finish them

11. MAKE THE WASH: Beat the egg with the water and salt in a small bowl and brush the surface of the buns with it. Sprinkle ¼ teaspoon of the sugar and ½ teaspoon of the sesame seeds over each one. Bake until the buns are walnut colored, 16 to 20 minutes, switching the baking sheets from top to bottom and front to back at the halfway point.

12. Transfer the baked buns to a wire rack and let cool for at least 20 minutes before serving. Once cooled completely, the buns can be wrapped well in plastic wrap and stored for up to 5 days or frozen. for up to 1 month.

TO MIX BREAD DOUGH IN A STAND MIXER

Mix the dry ingredients (plus spices, if included) in the bowl of a stand mixer. Mix the yeast with the water (plus any other liquids, yogurt, and/or eggs, if included) in a separate bowl. Pour the liquids over the dry ingredients.

Attach a dough hook to the machine. Mix on low speed until the dough begins to come together, then increase the speed to medium. Knead the dough until it reaches the consistency described in the recipe (smooth and elastic, or smooth and slightly tacky), 5 to 10 minutes, depending on the recipe. Stop the the machine as needed to scrape the dough from the hook. (If, after 5 minutes of kneading, the dough is still sticking to the bowl, add flour, 1 scant tablespoon at a time, kneading for 30 seconds after each addition, to bring the dough to the proper consistency.) Turn the dough onto a work surface, form it into a ball, and transfer to a lightly oiled bowl.

Coiled Tahini Buns from Istanbul & Beyond by Robyn Eckhardt. Copyright © 2017 by Robyn Eckhardt. Used by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. All rights reserved.



Minggu, 29 Oktober 2017

5 Ways To Be a Less Angry Parent

a parent angry with a child

One question I’m continually asked by both Mighty Mommy listeners and parents in my own circle is, “How do you keep so calm and seem to enjoy parenting as much as you do with eight kids?”

Truthfully, I’m flattered that I have a reputation for being such a joyful parent, because I’m human like the rest of us moms and dads and have had my fair share of trying and challenging moments in the trenches of parenthood.

While I don’t profess to have all the answers, I do know what has worked for me while raising a large family. The one constant that seems to be my “magic bullet” is realizing that the only person who I can control is me—therefore, I have to be good with “myself” to stay on top of my parenting game, no matter what’s happening around me.

Today, I'm sharing five surefire ways you can help alleviate some of the stressors of parenting which in turn will help keep your anger at bay and allow you to enjoy the most out of raising your family.

5 Ways to Keep Your Parenting Anger at Bay

  1. Tip # 1: Enjoy parenting in the present moment
  2. Tip #2: Put your wipers on
  3. Tip #3: You get what you give
  4. Tip #4: Turn your voice into a whisper
  5. Tip #5: Ask for help

Let’s look into each a little further.

Tip # 1: Enjoy Parenting in the Present Moment

It's human nature to drift away from the present and sink into a memory from the past or indulge in wishful thinking about what our future holds. For a parent who is listening to a toddler throwing a tantrum in the grocery store because she can’t have a handful of candy bars at the checkout lane, it’s no wonder thoughts of sending the kid off to college are all we can think about before we blow a gasket and simply try to get out of the store unscathed.

There’s no question when we’re having a difficult day with our kids we might want to wish that time away. But if we shift our mindset to accepting that many of our parenting moments aren’t going to be easy and that our kids need us, it really can make you appreciate your overall parenting job a lot more. One of my favorite times of the day is in the morning when we’re all getting ready for school or work. I used to run around like a headless chicken trying to get everyone out the door, but now that my kids are older and can help get themselves ready, I can focus on the little things, like watching my 11-year-old experiment with weird new ingredients in her oatmeal or listen to our curious six-month-old puppy go crazy when the bus comes down the street. If nothing else, when you stay focused on the interactions happening with your family right then and there, you will start to connect with your kids and spouse in a more positive way and can be a bit more joyful and a lot less cranky.

Tip #2: Put Your Wipers On

I’ve always been a very visual person. In the world of learners, I am most definitely a right brain person. In other words, my dominant side of the brain looks at visual reference as a whole, and then works its way into noticing finer details. You can only imagine that as a child learning to tie my shoes, my parents had the patience of saints, because I had to see the “how to” visual over and over again! (Thank you mom and dad!)

My parenting style is also very visual. I tend not to focus on where my kids might be stuck, but instead, where they are going. To do this, I’ve relied on a visual tool: “emotional” windshield wipers. When times are tough, I visualize I’m in the midst of a very rainy day, and turn on my wipers to clear away the excess water, fog, and muck. Doing this allows me to wipe away a very bad day and instead focus on a more hopeful, joyful day. If nothing else, it has certainly limited my unpleasant outbursts, for which my family is very grateful.


Tip #3: You Get what you Give

Many years ago, before I became a parent, I saw a quote that captured how I wanted to live: “Life is an echo. What you send out, comes back. What you sow, you reap. What you give, you get. What you see in others, exists in you. Remember, life is an echo. It always gets back to you. So give goodness.”

This quote sums up much of my philosophy about the energy and mood we as parents put out there when raising our family. If you give off a negative, irritated vibe, you will most likely receive that right back. That’s not to say we can’t have angry feelings from time to time throughout our parenting days, but if you can center yourself in a positive frame of mind when the going gets tough, for example, keep some slogans in your head to help you regain your composure. Say something to yourself every time you feel your emotions rising. It can be anything from “Stop” or “Breathe” or “Slow down” to my favorite, “This too shall pass.”

Whatever words will help you, take that moment and go through a list of priorities. I even have a mental picture in my head handy, my happy place, to calm myself down: I think of a beautiful beach with a comfy chair, a cool drink, and my favorite book just waiting for me to come relax in. Visualizing a happy outcome helps calm me down quickly and go from furious to serene.

Visualizing a happy outcome helps calm me down quickly and go from furious to serene.

Tip #4: Turn Your Voice Into a Whisper

Even when you're not angry, you may find yourself yelling, “Get in the car! We're late for practice!” If you make a softer voice a habit, you'll be less prone to yell at other times, too. When I turn the volume down and whisper to my kids, it gets their attention immediately because they know I have something important to say. One trick to try: Speak to your family members only when you're in the same room whenever possible, instead of yelling from room to room.

Tip #5: Ask for Help

There will never be a perfect parenting regimen, but there can be a much better balance between angry/resentful and relaxed/content if you’re willing to make tradeoffs in certain areas of your life. A large part of the successful balance equation is when parents finally realize they must tune into their own emotions as well as their own physical and mental health requirements. That way, when your tea kettle is about to boil over, you can recognize this and take the time to refuel your own tank. This is never easy, especially if you don’t like to ask for help, but once you realize the extreme importance of building a reliable support group of other parenting friends, family members, grandparents, and especially your spouse, you won’t be as likely to fall apart when your toddler stuffs your new scarf into the toilet (for the fifth time).  

How do you handle your angry parenting outbursts? Share your thoughts in the comments section at http://ift.tt/1zMEe2L, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5

Image © Shutterstock



Jumat, 27 Oktober 2017

7 Beliefs of Emotionally Healthy People

scale holding a heart and brain indicating emotional well-being

We all know the basics of being healthy: eat well, exercise, and get some rest (especially when you’ve got your country’s 500th anniversary to plan, your wedding to arrange, your wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it) because, as they say, if you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything.

But how to improve the health that happens between our ears? Today, we’ll do a checkup of seven beliefs emotionally healthy people hold.

Two big footnotes on this. One: no one carries around all these beliefs all the time, without exception. We each struggle in our own way. So don’t be alarmed if you think your own belief system could use some shoring up: Nobody is 100% healthy 100% of the time. Two: I’ll be the first to say there’s no rigidly definitive list of healthy beliefs. But IMHO, these are the biggies, so let’s count them down, leaving the most important for the end.

Belief #7: “I can stay the course.”

This belief gives rise to two attributes: grit and self-control. Grit is staying the course long term: it’s doing difficult or tedious stuff over months or years in service of a larger goal. You might make a commitment to study algebra every night, even if you hate it, to get your GED. You might bring your lunch to work and skip Starbucks for a year in order to save for that Alaska cruise. You might perform your standup routine to some lost German tourists, a couple of drunk guys, and the heckler who’s always there in order to further your comedy career.

By contrast, self-control is staying the course short term: Call this resisting temptation. It’s keeping your cool even when the bank teller seems to be working in super-slo-mo. It’s not taking the bait of the guy with the facial tattoo taunting you from the end of the bar. It’s sticking to your diet even though the Cheesecake Factory’s Oreo Dream Extreme made an appearance in your actual dream.

Don’t get me wrong, we all fall prey to temptation and instant gratification. I fritter away an embarrassing amount of time online myself. But to build our grit and self-control muscles, just like real muscles, we have to exercise them.

Why are grit and self control so important? Because some wishes can’t be instantly granted through Seamless or Siri: A career. A loving relationship. Good health. All these things take time and staying the course to be built and maintained.

Belief #6: “I can do things I don’t feel like doing.”

You can tell this is a Savvy Psychologist list because of this entry. This belief, in my opinion, is the best-kept secret of our time. The result is called mood-independent behavior, but really it’s just doing stuff you don’t feel like doing, and then watching your mood catch up.

Too often, we do things only when we feel like it. Feeling lazy? We stay on the couch. Craving a Big Mac? Eat it now. Not in the mood to work? The rabbit hole of the internet is a swipe away. We let our mood define our behavior.

So try putting behavior first, especially if you know it’s something you’ve enjoyed in the past. Feeling draggy? Hit the rock climbing gym and watch your energy turn around. Not feeling particularly jazzy? Sit down at the piano and watch yourself get into the music. And if your mood doesn’t follow? No harm done. At least you got the thing done.

Try putting behavior first, especially if you know it’s something you’ve enjoyed in the past.

This little trick also works for facing fears. The way to build confidence is to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little at a time. If you stick to the things you’re 100% sure about, you’ll polish your current repertoire, but you won’t move forward. So tackle new things and face old fears. Struggle and frustration feel like failure, but really they’re just growing pains. If you can push through and get used to feeling temporarily incompetent or insecure—feelings we all hate—you’ll be on your way.

Belief #5: “I can roll with the punches.”

This belief allows you to handle challenges and be flexible. Life is full of disappointments, mistakes, roadblocks, and attempts to be efficient by bathing your cat during your own shower. But when things go wrong, emotionally healthy individuals adjust rather than giving up or being stubbornly inflexible.

Imagine a continuum and label one end “rigid.” Follow it down the line and you’ll next encounter “flexible,” “spontaneous,” and finally, at the other extreme end, “impulsive.” We want to float somewhere in the middle—the flexible-spontaneous realm.

But being flexible doesn’t just apply to actions. To be sure, flexibility includes retooling your study habits after failing the first exam or rethinking your route home when there’s unexpected construction, but it’s also more than that.

Rolling with the punches also applies to emotion. Frequently flying into jealous rages (or just rageful rages, for that matter), freaking out, or sinking into a pit of sadness on a regular basis doesn’t mean you’re hopeless, but it does mean we need to change something.

Likewise, leaning too heavily on unhealthy coping like self-injury, drowning your sorrows, or otherwise obliterating your feelings with drugs, sex, sugar, shopping, video games, or anything else pop psychology has deemed “addictive” is a sign that we need more coping tools in our toolbox.

So what are the tools that allow you to roll with the punches? For one, feel what you feel. Allow yourself to feel the more difficult emotions—fear, shame, guilt, vulnerability—rather than just bravado and rage. You can also access your feelings through your body—consciously relax, exercise, or mindfully breathe. Reach out to people who care about you. Do things that make you feel better but without a huge cost. Find the balance between treating yourself and numbing yourself. Drinking everything in the house and staying in bed for a week probably isn’t rolling with the punches. Some Thin Mints and a few episodes of "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt," followed by taking your cat to a professional for that bath? Roll on.


Belief #4: “Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.”

Sirius Black got it right when he said, “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

And while none of us likely has a house elf named Winky, all of us encounter people who do things for us every day—customer service reps, the bus driver, custodians, drugstore clerks—and each of them deserves our respect.

An important note: the knowledge that they’re getting paid to help you isn’t a substitute. Respect and money aren’t interchangeable, plus in the long run, respect buys a lot more than money.

Now, as for how to treat people who take up two parking spaces, that’s another episode...

Belief #3: “I can laugh at myself.”

When we’re only in it to win it, we’re definitely taking ourselves too seriously. Red flags include being judgy, micromanaging, always having to be right, getting defensive, holding grudges, never apologizing, or anything else that smacks of holier-than-thou self-importance.

So how to laugh at yourself? What are the things you’re embarrassed about? What are your worst qualities? What are the things your haters say about you? Own them. Stephen King once said, “I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries.” George W. Bush famously said to the Yale graduating class, “To those of you who received honors, awards, and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students — I say, you, too, can be President of the United States."

All in all, believing you can love and are worthy of love allows you to connect to other people.

If you’re the first to laugh at yourself and say you’re hypersensitive, dramatic, or a stick-in-the mud, you magically transform your failings and vulnerabilities into self-deprecating charm.

Belief #2: “I am capable.”

Call this “I can do hard things,” “I can handle whatever life throws at me,” “I’m competent. “Believing we can’t handle things—that we’re incapable or incompetent—drives all anxiety. Indeed, growing people’s belief in their own competence is 50% of what I do in my clinic every day.

So where does the belief of “I’m capable” come from? Experience. Push yourself a little, then a little more. Try new things, talk to new people, go new places. The reward is a sense of your own power and capability that will carry you through the years.

Belief #1: “I can love and am worthy of love.”

Believing you are worthy of love and can give love in return—which everyone is, even if you worry you’re the exception—pays off for a lifetime.

To build our case, let’s look to Harvard University’s Study of Adult Development, which has followed the lives of 724 men for over 75 years. The study began in 1938 and it continues to this day and beyond. The researchers have gathered data on everything: the men’s physical characteristics, their drinking, their careers, their marriages, their relationships with their mothers, and much more. And what did they find?

Quite simply, as Dr. George Vaillant, the longest-tenured of the study’s four directors summed it up, "Happiness is love. Full stop." Indeed, the men in the study who were the most satisfied in their relationships—those who felt loved and gave love—at age fifty were the healthiest at age eighty.

Now, if you grew up in a family where you had to earn love through achievement, obedience, or simply keeping quiet and out of the way, this belief might not come easily for you. You may carry around in your core the idea that love has to be earned or worth has to be granted. If that resonates with you, you deserve more than a podcast episode; search out a qualified therapist you like and trust and do some good work.

All in all, believing you can love and are worthy of love allows you to connect to other people, which in turn makes life happy, healthy, and long.

Get even more savvy tips to be happier and healthier by subscribing to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher, or get each episode delivered straight to your inbox by signing up for the newsletter. Follow on Facebook and Twitter
 
For free, helpful downloads to fight social anxiety and be your authentic self, visit EllenHendriksen.com.
 
Image © Shutterstock


Kamis, 26 Oktober 2017

4+ ‘Skeleton’ Idioms: Skeleton in the Closet, Skeleton Key, and More

an image of a skull from a skeleton to illustration skeleton idioms

Halloween is nearly here. So today we’re going to talk about some frightening phrases and their origins.

Specifically, phrases with the word “skeleton.”

A skeleton is made up of all the bones in a body—from the femur in your upper leg, which is the biggest bone in the human body—to the stapes, the teeny tiny bone that conveys sound from your outer ear to your inner ear.

We all have a skeleton. But hopefully, not all of us have a “skeleton in the closet.”

Skeleton in the Closet

That’s because a “skeleton in the closet” refers to a dark family secret—a source of pain, shame, or tragedy. The expression evokes the image of a household that seems perfectly normal—until you start poking around and find an unpleasant surprise.

Fiction is full of such skeletons. TV’s “Downton Abbey” had a ton, from Lady Mary’s indiscretion in season one to Lady Edith’s “trip to the continent” in season four. (We won’t spoil anything, but suffice it to say that both women had a secret they were desperate to keep.)

Edgar Allen Poe’s narrator in “The Tell-Tale Heart” had a literal skeleton in the closet—or rather, under the floor—that he was trying to hide. And Charlotte Bronte’s “Jane Eyre” featured the ultimate skeleton in the closet—a family secret kept under lock and key—until the day it escaped. 

FYI, this term was first used in literature by William Thackery, in 1845, but it’s believed to have been used earlier in common talk.

Skeleton Crew

Let’s look now at “skeleton crew.” A skeleton crew refers to a team of workers that’s been pared to the bone—reduced to the minimum number of people needed to get the job done. For example, a restaurant might normally have five servers on the floor and one person bussing tables. On a quiet night, though, they might get by with a skeleton crew of just three servers, with each of them taking turns cleaning tables.

This phrase draws on one of the shades of meaning of “skeleton”: the bare outline or most necessary features of something. 

Skeleton Key

This meaning is also used in the phrase “skeleton key.” 

A skeleton key is a key that’s made to open many different locks. It can do this because most of the pointy “bits” on its “blade” have been filed away, leaving only one bit at the end. That bit allows you to turn the key and throw back the bolt on many different locks.   

In other words, a skeleton key uses the bare minimum of metal needed to do the job.

By the way, old-fashioned skeleton keys kind of look like a skeleton. But that’s a coincidence, not the cause of the name.  

Skeleton at the Feast

Here’s an interesting phrase you may have never heard: “the skeleton at the feast.” This skeleton is meant to remind us that life holds tragedy as well as pleasure—that even when we’re feeling most alive, death is always nearby.

This idea is first mentioned by Plutarch, a Greek biographer born way back in 46 CE. He wrote the “Moralia,” essays on a whole range of ethical, political, and literary topics. In one of the essays, he describes the

“… skeleton which in Egypt they are wont, with fair reason, to bring in and expose at their parties, urging the guests to remember that what it is now, they soon shall be … it does not incline the guests to drinking and enjoyment, but rather to a mutual friendliness and affection.”

Plutarch is saying that ancient Egyptians actually brought a real skeleton, or a wooden image of a corpse, to the dinner table.

A skeleton at the feast is also mentioned by Petronius, a Roman author who was one of Plutarch’s contemporaries. In his comic novel “The Satyricon,” he describes a dinner party given by Trimalchio, an immensely rich freedman—who is a former slave.

During the party, Trimalchio brings in “… a silver skeleton, put together in such a way that its joints and backbone could be pulled out and twisted in all directions.” He flings the skeleton around, so it falls into different postures. Then he recites this poem:

“O woe, woe, man is only a dot:
Hell drags us off and that is the lot;
So let us live a little space,
At least while we can feed our face.”

So, whether you take Plutarch’s advice and embrace friendship this Halloween—or take Petronius’ advice and just “feed your face” with candy—we hope you have a wonderful, safe holiday.

More ‘Skeleton’ Phrases

There are so many more “skeleton” phrases out there! Some are still in use; others, like “skeleton gig,” meaning a bare-bones carriage, are archaic. Here are just a few for you to chew on:

  • skeleton map, skeleton plan
  • skeleton battalion, skeleton company
  • skeleton pack
  • skeleton bob
  • skeleton roof
  • skeleton break
  • skeleton gig
  • skeleton drill
  • skeleton larva, skeleton shrimp
  • skeleton suit
  • skeleton weed

Samantha Enslen runs Dragonfly Editorial. You can find her at dragonflyeditorial.com or @DragonflyEdit.

Sources

Ammer, Christine. Skeleton in the closet. American Heritage Dictionary of Idioms, 2nd ed. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2013. 

Brewer, E. Cobham. Skeleton at the Feast. The Reader’s Handbook of Famous Names in Fiction, Allusions, References, Proverbs, Plots, Stories, and Poems. J.B. Lippincott Company, 1910.

Dent, Susie. Skeleton. Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, 19th ed. Chambers Harrap, 2012.

Encyclopedia Britannica, online edition. Lock, skeleton, Gaius Petronius Arbiter, Plutarch. (subscription required, accessed October 25, 2017).

Oxford English Dictionary, online edition. Oxford University Press. Skeleton (subscription required, accessed October 25, 2017).

Petronius. The Satyricon (J.P. Sullivan, translator). Penguin, 2011

Plutarch. Delphi Complete Works of Plutarch. Delphi Classics, 2013.

Visser, Margaret. The Rituals of Dinner. Open Road Media, 2015. 

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.



‘Sofa’ or ‘Couch’?

picture of a sofa to illustrate couch, davenport, chesterfield, and settee

What you call a long, upholstered piece of living room furniture depends on where you live and when you were born.

‘Davenport’

For example, “couch” and “sofa” are currently the most popular names, but my parents called it a davenport because that name was once common in the upper Midwest, which is where my parents grew up. The name came from the A.H. Davenport Company, a manufacturer of this type of furniture in the mid-1800s and into the early 1900s, including pieces that furnished the White House. From a Google Ngram search in books, it looks as if “davenport” peaked in the United States in the mid-1940s after which its use dropped dramatically and then has been stable at a lower rate since around 1970.

trend of davenport use for couch over time

Usage of ‘Couch’ and ‘Sofa’

In 2009, I posted a nonscientific online poll asking what you call a long, upholstered piece of furniture, and nearly 4,500 people replied. "Couch" was the clear winner with 71% of the responses, “sofa” was next with 27% of the responses, and all the others had fractions of a percent:

  • Couch 71.1%
  • Sofa 26.6%
  • Chesterfield 0.8%
  • Settee 0.8%
  • Davenport 0.6%
  • Divan 0.3%

Some people told me that “lounge" (which I neglected to include in the poll) is a dominant term in Australia. 


Anecdotally, I’ve seen the assertion that “sofa” is proper, and “couch” is slang, but I couldn’t find any data or reference books to back that up. It may simply come from the fact that “sofa” is more popular in Britain, and “couch” is more popular in the United States, and some British people consider American terms to be less proper. Also, “couch” probably won so dramatically in my online poll because the respondents skewed American.

There may also be differences by class, at least in Britain, that didn’t show up in my poll. For example, I found a linguistics corpus study that says middle class people in Britain were more likely to use “sofa” or “couch,” whereas working class people were more likely to use “settee.” 

Origin of ‘Couch’ and ‘Sofa’

Dictionaries say that "couch" is actually the older term and has been around since Middle English (as "couche") and comes from an Old French (“culche”) word meaning "to put into place,” “to lie down,” or “to put into bed.” 

"Sofa" made its appearance in English at least a couple hundred years later, coming from the Arabic word "soffah" or “suffah” which originally meant “a bench.” “Sofa” came to describe the piece of furniture we think of today in the early 1700s.

In the old days, a couch may or may not have had a back or may have had a half-back , and may have had only an armrest on one end or had a raised end such as a psychiatrist’s couch, but my impression is that today, “sofa” and “couch” are both regularly used to describe furniture that has both a back and arms.

Examples of ‘Chesterfield’

Some responses to the poll led me to believe that chesterfield” is more popular in Canada than in the U.S. and may also have some traction in California, and some online searching further convinced me that “chesterfield” is more popular in Canada than in the U.S. For example, here’s a line from a book called “Melanie Bluelake’s Dream,” written in 1995 by a Saskatchewan teacher named Betty Fitzpatrick Dorion:

  • While Rachel jacked up the thermostat, Melanie curled up in a shivering ball on the chesterfield.

And here’s another example from nonfiction book called “Growing Up: Childhood in English Canada from the Great War to the Age of Television” by Neil Sutherland. In this example a woman is taking about her grandmother and says

  • I always came and sat right beside her on the chesterfield to watch TV.

Dictionary.com also notes that “chesterfield” is “chiefly Canadian.” Unfortunately, Google Ngram searches only let me filter by British English and American English, so I can’t track Canadian trends over time, but I did find a linguistics study that says “chesterfield” in Canada is much like “davenport” in the United States: it was a common term years ago and is still sometimes used by older people, but among younger Canadians, “couch” is the common term.

Multiple sources say the furniture gets its “chesterfield” name from the nineteenth century Earl of Chesterfield, Lord Phillip Stanhope, who may have commissioned a long seat with “deep buttoned upholstery, rolled arms, and equal back and arm height” so his noble visitors would have a comfortable place to sit.

Summary

To sum up, “couch” and sofa” are currently by far the most popular terms in the U.S. and the U.K. British writers appear to favor “sofa,” and American writers appear to favor “couch”; and you may occasionally hear “divan,” “settee,” “chesterfield,” and “davenport,” especially among older people. 

Finally, for a bit of fun, I laughed at this argument one respondent made to prove that the correct term is “couch.” He asked, "Who ever heard of a sofa potato?”

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.



10 Strategies for Lowering Cholesterol

Here’s an all-too-familiar scenario you may have already encountered:

You visit your doctor for a physical and she orders a cholesterol test as part of your baseline lab work.  You hate needles and think to yourself, "I’m in perfect health, but I guess I’ll do that blood test anyway, since I’m already here."  You survive the needle, go home with a band aid on your arm, and forget about the whole thing. A few days later, you receive a call from the doctor's office giving you the news -- your cholesterol is so elevated that the doctor wants to see you in person to discuss it. 

You beg the receptionist to squeeze you in the following week for an appointment, while sweating bullets because you are afraid you're going to literally drop dead at any moment due to plaque build-up in your blood vessels. Finally, the day of the appointment arrives and the doctor tells you that you have two choices:

1.  Lose weight, exercise, and change your diet in a significant way

or

2.  Start taking a cholesterol-lowering medication

What?! A pill?! You hate pills.  In fact, you’re not even sure you can swallow them.  Sure, you know that you may have put on a few extra pounds, and you’ve stopped exercising since the birth of your twins…16 years ago.  But thankfully, you haven’t needed a pill until now.  Plus, you’ve heard all kinds of hoopla over the cholesterol medications and you are deathly afraid of those, too.  What to do?  How do you opt for option number 1 – you haven’t got the first clue where to start lowering your cholesterol on your own without medications?  Well, let’s learn about some strategies you can implement on your own to lower your cholesterol in today’s episode.

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What Is Cholesterol?

When your doctor orders a “cholesterol test,” she’s looking for a few numbers:

  • LDL:  Your “bad” cholesterol, the one that is notoriously known to be associated with heart disease if left untreated over a long period of time. (So you can relax now, you are not going to drop dead today).  For most healthy people without diabetes, heart disease, or kidney disease, the LDL goal is less than 130.
  • HDL:  Your “good” cholesterol.  Exercise and weight loss helps increase this number (you want it to be as high as possible, preferably over 40).
  • Triglycerides:  This is another type of “bad” cholesterol that tends to be elevated in people who consume high fat or high carbohydrate diets. The goal for most adults is less than 150.
  • Total Cholesterol:  A combination of both your good and bad cholesterol

See also: What Is the Difference Between LDL and HDL Cholesterol?

 

Why care about your cholesterol?


As we have alluded to earlier, it causes plaque buildup.  It can clog your arteries and cause heart disease, heart attacks, strokes, and peripheral arterial disease (clogged blood vessels in your legs), to name a few unpleasant and deadly conditions.

10 Strategies to Lower Your Cholesterol without Medication

So now that we know it’s important not to ignore your high cholesterol, we need to learn strategies that help lower it. (But wipe off the sweat dripping down your chin because it is not typically an emergency situation, either).  If you opt to lower your cholesterol on your own, without medication, discuss it with your doctor first, then consider the following 10 strategies: 

  1. Limit Total Cholesterol:  Do not consume more than 100mg of total cholesterol daily.  Read food labels so you can keep count of your intake.  If you don’t know how to read food labels, consider asking your doctor for a referral to a dietician.
  2. Limit Saturated Fat:  When reading those food labels, pay close attention to the saturated fat content.  Saturated fat should comprise no more than a maximum 5% of your total daily calories, which for most people is about 10 grams a day. 
  3. Avoid Trans Fat:  Trans fat is found mostly in processed foods, fried foods, desserts, and sweets.  Your diet should contain as little trans fat as possible in order to lower your cholesterol.
  4. Limit Carbohydrates:  Eat a balanced diet with no more than ¼ of your plate comprised of carbohydrates, and choose complex carbs that are more efficiently metabolized – such as brown rice and whole wheat breads and pasts, rather than white.  Avoid sweets altogether.  Lower carb intake will help you lose weight, along with lowering your triglyceride cholesterol and, in turn, your LDL.
  5. Eat Non-Fat Dairy: When selecting dairy, opt for non-fat options of milk, cheese, yogurt, etc. 
  6. Eat Plant-Based Protein:  For at least one protein source a day, opt for a soy-based option rather than an animal-based source – such as veggie burger, tofu, soy beans, etc.  This is why some vegetarians have excellent cholesterol panels – they consume little animal proteins.
  7. Increase Fiber:  Adults require a minimum of 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day, which are good sources of fiber.  Fiber is also found in some fortified cereals, whole wheat breads, oats, and barley.  Aim for 25 grams of fiber a day.  If you have difficulties consuming this amount, then consider supplementing with psyllium powder or fiber supplements.
  8. Lose the Extra Pounds:  If you are overweight, work to lose those extra pounds.  This is best achieved through exercise and a healthy, well-balanced diet.  “Dieting” is only temporary – most patients who diet regain the weight eventually.  It needs to be a true lifestyle change to really make a difference in your overall health.
  9. Exercise:  Perform a minimum of 30 continuous minutes of cardiovascular exercise (where your heart is pumping and you are sweating) for most days of the week (that means at least 4). Get-Fit Guy has tips on how you can get reap health benefits by working out for just 12 minutes a day!
  10. Limit Alcohol:  Alcohol is a large source of calories and is often high in fat and triglyceride content.  Even one glass of wine a day is an extra 100 calories that you can do without.  Limit alcohol intake and when you do drink, choose red wine. See also Nutrition Diva's episode on Red Wine and Cholesterol for more.

So now that you know what to do, get cookin’ (using plant-derived oils, of course) – because your doctor likely wants to follow your progress with another cholesterol panel in 3-6 months. 

Were you diagnosed with high cholesterol? If so, how did you lower it?  Share it with us on the House Call Doctor’s Facebook and Twitter pages!

Please note that all content here is strictly for informational purposes only.  This content does not substitute any medical advice, and does not replace any medical judgment or reasoning by your own personal health provider.  Please always seek a licensed physician in your area regarding all health related questions and issues.



Rabu, 25 Oktober 2017

How to Negotiate for More Money

how to negotiate for more money

Hard work, grit, and luck always play important roles in earning more at your job or business. But an often-overlooked ingredient to success is your ability to negotiate in the workplace. If you don’t know what’s possible or fail to make your value visible, you could be missing out on a variety of benefits.

Don't assume that you can't increase your profit from a job or business relationship. If you don’t look out for yourself by negotiating items—such as salary, training, job title, additional resources, paid vacation, or the terms of an agreement—no one else will.

In my interview with Kelly Gushue, Founder and CEO of Personal Finance Warrior, we discuss key points that everyone should know about negotiating. Here are some of the topics we cover:

  • How gender differences impact how we negotiate
  • The best way to respond when a potential employer asks for your salary history
  • The right way to ask for a raise or promotion--and why hearning no can be a good thing
  • Where to research what your salary range should be for your location and industry
  • How to get benefits you want, even if you’re turned down for a raise
  • 5 steps to structure a negotiation that gets past no
  • Why leveraging another job offer can be the key to making more

[Listen to the interview using the embedded audio player or on Apple PodcastsSoundCloudStitcher, and Spotify]

How to Negotiate for More Money 

Here are five tips to ask effectively and negotiate, even when the answer is no, contributed by Kelly Gushue:

  1. Show business metrics
  2. Know your value
  3. Negotiate other benefits
  4. Develop a plan for a key project
  5. Present another job offer

Let's go deeper into each. 

1. Show business metrics.

Make a list of the business results you and your team delivered and include specific business metrics you achieved. Use as many numbers and business measures that are relevant for your manager and your division.

2. Know your value.

Conduct research on the salary range for your role, location, and industry. Talk to your manager about this data and discuss how your company stacks up. Ideally, you want to request the upper end of the salary range.


3. Negotiate other benefits.

If you asked for a raise and were refused, don’t give up. Whether the problem is a limited budget, low company revenue, cost-cutting measures, ask for other benefits instead of money.

You might ask for an additional week of vacation, a day per week to work from home, gym membership reimbursement, travel to an industry conference, training, equity, or a better bonus. There are creative ways to ask for additional benefits beyond your salary.  

If you asked for a raise and were refused, don’t give up.

4. Develop a plan for a key project.

When there is a limited budget, create a project, in addition to your full-time role, to earn a raise over the next six months. Partner with your manager on a project that generates revenue, cuts costs, or adds value to your division.

Ask your manager for support in advocating for your salary raise if this project is successful. Keep your manager informed of the progress with the project and timing of the next salary raise.

5. Present another job offer.

After six months, if you created a project that adds value and you still don’t get the raise or promotion you want, it may be time to look for another job. When you present another job offer, your current manager has the choice to match it or let you go.

Often a manager will find additional funds to keep you if they believe you're adding value. If not, it’s time to move on to the next job and get ready for the next negotiation!

The co-host for the MSNBC "Morning Joe" show, Mika Brzezinski, was earning just 10% of what Joe was making in the early days of the show. In her book, Knowing Your Value: Women, Money & Getting Your Worth, Mika explains why several of her negotiations for pay raises were unsuccessful.

It wasn't until Mika threatened to leave Morning Joe that she finally got a pay raise. Sometimes an employer or business partner must fear losing you in order to realize your value and do what's necessary to keep you.   

Related: How to Get Paid What You Want

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Selasa, 24 Oktober 2017

How Exercise Can Prevent Depression

Photo of a woman laying sadly on a yoga ball in her exercise clothes

A recent study on exercise and the prevention of depression aimed to determine whether or not exercise provides protection against new-onset depression, the intensity and amount of exercise required to gain protection, and how the protection might work.

To do this they examined 33,908 adults, selected on the basis of having no symptoms of common mental disorder or limiting physical health conditions. The researchers followed them for 11 years, during those years they collected measures of exercise, depression, anxiety, along with a range of potential confounding and mediating factors.

What they concluded was that regular exercise of any intensity does indeed provide protection against future depression. Even relatively modest changes in levels of exercise may have important public mental health benefits and prevent a surprisingly high number of new cases of depression.

The study suggests that 12% of future cases of depression could have been prevented if the participants had engaged in at least one hour of physical activity each week. Interestingly, the majority of the protective effects occurred at low levels of exertion and were observed regardless of intensity.

The HUNT Study

Another study (the HUNT study) followed thousands of participants in Norway for 9-13 years. They found their volunteers by inviting the entire population, aged 20 or older, to fill out a basic screening form for depression and anxiety. After reviewing the submissions, they invited the happiest 70% to participate. 8,400 were excluded due to serious physical illness, which left nearly 34,000 in the study.

Potentially confounding data, such as smoking status, BMI, resting heart rate, and demographic data were collected at various visits over the years. Blood pressure, heart rate, weight, height, waist, and hip circumference were measured by specially-trained nurses. The research team also accounted for variables which might impact the association between exercise and common mental illness. These included socio-economic and demographic factors, substance use, new onset physical illness, and perceived social support. In the end, about 22,500 participants completed the study.

At the beginning of the HUNT study, all participants were asked to report their frequency of weekly exercise and their degree of aerobic intensity using three different categories:

  1. Without becoming breathless or sweating
  2. Becoming breathless and sweating
  3. Exhausting themselves

During the follow-up stage of the study, participants completed a self-report questionnaire (using the Hospital Anxiety and Depression Scale) to indicate whether the subject was experiencing any anxiety or depression during the years of the study.

Correlation Between Exercise and Depression

In a nutshell, those participants who exercised were less likely to develop depression than those who didn’t. The cool thing is, it didn’t matter how much exercise they did as long as they did some kind of “deliberate physical activity” for a minimum of an hour per week.

Yup, only one hour of exercise for the entire week and it also did not matter how intense that exercise was. It could be a leisurely bike ride, CrossFit, spin class or yoga. We’ll get into some other creative options in a bit.

Research author Samuel Harvey from Black Dog Institute and UNSW stated: "We've known for some time that exercise has a role to play in treating symptoms of depression, but this is the first time we have been able to quantify the preventative potential of physical activity in terms of reducing future levels of depression. These findings are exciting because they show that even relatively small amounts of exercise—from one hour per week—can deliver significant protection against depression.”

That's good news for all of us who just can't or don’t want to commit to a daily and lengthy gym session or can’t even imagine signing up to run a marathon.

Staying on an Exercise Routine

The social and physical health benefits of exercise partially explain the shielding of depression, but the research also reported that some biological mechanisms, like alterations in the vagal tone, did not appear to have a role in protecting against depression.

If the social benefits of exercise make the real impact, it would appear that simply getting out and about, getting your heart rate up, and engaging in some active self-care is what makes the real difference. Although the researchers felt that a lot still remains unexplained.

There is also a question of whether there's actually a "reverse causation" going on—people with mental health issues may struggle to get enough exercise in the first place. So it can be a chicken-and-egg scenario: which comes first, the lack of exercise or the depression?

The thought here is that if we are sick, or blue, or overwhelmed, it is our lunchtime workout or our morning jog that is the first thing to get taken off of the to-do list. But the data suggests that if we maintain even a brief schedule of light activity, we lower the chances of developing depression in the future. Preventing 12% of depression cases is significant, and you don’t even have to step foot in a gym to make it happen.

These results drive home the need to integrate exercise into mental health plans and into broader public health campaigns. If we can find ways to increase the population's level of physical activity, even by a small amount, we will likely see substantial physical and mental health benefits across the board.

With sedentary lifestyles becoming the norm worldwide, and rates of depression being on the rise, these results are of particular importance because they highlight that, once again, even a small lifestyle change can lead to significant mental health benefits.


How to Exercise and Prevent Depression

Well first, 60 minutes per week works out to 8.5714 minutes per day. You could even round that up to 10 minutes per day, to make it easy and potentially give yourself one day per week where you get too busy, forget or otherwise miss your preventative workout. What can you do between 8-10 minutes per day?

Go for a walk: Let’s start with an easy one. The researchers pointed out several times that intensity was not a factor so why not just get up from your desk, your lazy boy, even out from behind your standing workstation and go for a 10- or 15-minute walk.

Tabata Set: A Tabata set involves alternating between a high-intensity and an anaerobic exercise for 20 seconds (hard), followed by 10 seconds (easy), for a total of four minutes. Heck, you could even do this one twice.

The Scientific 7-Minute Workout: The New York Times made this workout famous a few years ago. 12 bodyweight moves that require only a chair and a wall, reportedly combines cardio and weights into about seven minutes of discomfort.

The Get-Fit Guy’s 10-Minute Full Body Burn: With one pair of dumbbells and a chair, step, stairs, or box. Warm-up with 25-50 jumping jacks, then complete 10-12 repetitions of each set of exercises twice, back-to-back with minimal rest, and move on to the next set.

  • Set 1: Dumbbell Squat With Overhead Press to Bent Side Raises
  • Set 2: Dumbbell Push-Up Row to Single Arm Dumbbell Row
  • Set 3: High Knee Step-Ups to Reverse Lunges

The Get-Fit Guy’s 10 Minute Maximum Calorie Burn: Complete this routine as a circuit, three times through, with minimal rest between exercises. No warm-up required.

In addition to mood, exercise helps improve a number of health problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes, and arthritis.

  • 25-50 Jumping Jacks
  • 5 Push-Ups
  • 10 Squat-Thrust-Jumps
  • 5 Push-Ups
  • 10 Vertical Jumps
  • 5 Push-Ups

Throw a ball or a frisbee around: Why not make it fun? Grab a friend or two and head for a park or a large parking lot and toss a baseball, football, or a frisbee around. I am willing to bet that not all of your throws will be exactly on target so aside from the throwing and catching, there will probably be some running and likely some shouting and laughing as well.

Rethink your commute: Is there a way you can avoid sitting in traffic, in a car, or on a bus, and get some exercise instead? I am sure there is. You can park further from the door, get off the bus a few stops early, ride your bike to work or walk. I am a huge believer in adopting a car-less mindset, even if you don’t want to sell your old clunker and become a pedal-estrian.

In the episode How to Do High-Intensity Interval Training, you learned that short, intense bursts of cardiovascular exercise can boost the metabolism and ultimately burn many more calories than long, slow cardio sessions. In the same way, quick 10-minute workouts spread throughout your day can elevate your heart rate, get you breathing hard, stimulate a toning effect on the muscles, and also protect you from future depression.

More Evidence on Exercise and Mood

We've talked about how studies show that low levels of the two neurotransmitters, glutamate and gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), often lead to depression. But according to a study in The Journal of Neuroscience, moderate exercise can increase these levels which can result in increased resilience and a capacity to respond to mental challenges.

According to the Mayo Clinic, exercise helps prevent and improve a number of health problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes, and arthritis. The ongoing research on depression and exercise shows that the psychological and physical benefits of exercise can also help improve mood.

Even though the links between depression and exercise aren't entirely clear, it is clear that working out, pumping iron, hitting the bricks, pounding the pavement, and all other forms of getting active can definitely ease symptoms of depression, protect against future episodes of depression, and simply make you feel darn good.

For more info on this and other topics, tips, or to join in the conversation, head over to http://ift.tt/1xq4tPg or http://twitter.com/getfitguy. Also don't forget to subscribe to the Get-Fit Guy podcast on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, SoundCloud, Spotify, Google Play or via RSS.



How to Use the 'Idea Parking Lot' in 4 Simple Steps

actual parking lot representing the 'idea parking lot'

Oh boy, meetings. I just love meetings! No...I don’t. I hate meetings. You start talking about important points, like market share penetration of Opus-branded Penguin Panty Snowcones, and the next thing you know, someone goes off on a tangent about who left Tom Riddle’s diary in the gender-neutral bathroom. Again. But it’s the middle of the discussion about what sizes of Penguin Panty Snowcones to offer. As relevant as it might be, now is not the right point in the conversation.

Tangents in meetings waste everyone’s time. People who showed up for the main topic have to sit through the meeting, trying to pretend they’re not reading their email on their laptop. The person who called the meeting doesn’t get the answers they need, like what colors of Penguin Panty Snowcones are expected to produce the highest sales. 

Tangents are “sticky”

People go on tangents—and stay there—for good reasons! They think the tangent is important: Tom Riddle’s diary might contain a clue for magically insuring the success of the Penguin Panty Snowcones product launch. They keep returning to the tangent to make sure the concerns don’t get lost. And of course, just because the person thinks their issue is relevant doesn’t mean it is. But debating the relevance in the middle of a meeting probably isn’t constructive. Parking lots solve all these problems.

Step 1: Add a parking lot

To make your own parking lot, draw a square on your whiteboard, blackboard, flip chart, smartboard, or whatever canvas you’re using to capture ideas in your meeting. If you don’t have a shared visible space for the parking lot, ask one team member to be the Meter Person and keep track of the parking lot in their notes.

Explain to everyone there that this is the “parking lot,” where all tangential ideas live. Ensure that everyone in the meeting understands that everything in the parking lot will be addressed at the end of the meeting. Tom Riddle’s diary goes into the parking lot. 

Step 2: Make relevancy personal

Then assign one person to give a “relevancy challenge.” When something comes up that isn’t relevant to the meeting’s purpose, the Relevancy Czar says, “Should we put this in the parking lot so we can stay on track?” The group can then decide by a quick show of hands, verbal agreement, or a quick cupcake-throwing battle, whether or not the tangent should be put in the parking lot.

When your co-worker yells out, “We must test market to the aquarium-going population!,” it’s the Relevancy Czar’s chance to pop that right into the parking lot.


Step 3: Relegate things to the parking lot

If everyone agrees an item is interfering with progress, write it in the parking lot. There’s always a chance that it’s already there, in which case point out to the group that that particular item will definitely be handled in the parking lot review at the end of the meeting.

The Relevancy Czar can take this a step further. If the same tangent comes up again, don’t ask the group if it should be sent to the parking lot. They already decided it should be. Instead, say to that person, “good catch! That’s already in the parking lot, we’ll get to it at the end of the meeting.” Once they’ve brought up the question of what flavors should be in the Penguin Panty Snowcone product line 18 or 19 times, even the most ardent tangent-goer will get the message that it will be taken care of before the meeting adjourns.

Step 4: Review the parking lot!

Of course, you actually need to take care of things on the parking lot before the meeting adjourns. Set aside 5–10 minutes at the end of the meeting to review the issues. If you don’t take the time to address people’s issues, those issues will not go away, and the people in the meeting who brought them up will only get more troublesome. Next time, your assurances that it’s safe to put things in the parking lot will not be trusted.

Parking lots keep you on track and moving forward.

Go through the parking lot with the group. Take action on each item.

Delete items that really weren’t relevant to the discussion, or now aren’t relevant. Tom Riddle’s diary? Penguins just don’t care. 

Defer things that are relevant to the whole group. Schedule a slot in the next meeting agenda to discuss those items. Test marketing to the aquarium audience seems like it could be a seriously relevant idea. It gets deferred to the next full-team meeting.

Delegate things that are relevant to part of the group to the subgroup that cares about that item. The finance people on the product launch simply aren’t the ones to consult on snowcone flavors. But it’s an issue that is perfect for a sub-team of designers, chefs, and market researchers. 

Parking lots keep meetings on track and moving forward. Set aside a parking lot, and create a relevancy czar to steer things to the parking lot when they’re veering off course and threatening to roll over the fence and into the bleachers. When a tangent arises, add it to the parking lot, and spend the last five minutes of the meeting deciding to delete, defer, or delegate the parking lot items. Soon, your meetings will be racing to completion, and you’ll be the envy of all the cool kids with your new Penguin Panty Snowcone.

I’m Stever Robbins. Follow GetItDoneGuy on Twitter and Facebook. Want great keynote speeches on productivity, Living an Extraordinary Life, or entrepreneurship? Hire me! Find me at http://ift.tt/1l2uWN6

Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!