How Do I Remove Myself from Group Texts Without Insulting People?

Have you ever gotten stuck on a very active group text that keeps blowing up your phone? Do you desperately want to get out of it? Here’s a question from a listener about this very issue that many of us have had to deal with. 

The Problem

Dear Lisa,

I have learned so much from your podcasts and from Smart Talk.  I have a question that has come up enough times to merit asking you about it. Maybe you could add it to your list of topics to cover.

How does one ask to be removed from a group text without causing offense? In my case it has happened in family texts and in departmental text threads. At the very least I have texted, “Could you please remove me from this text?” and I have sent a whole long explanation about why I preferred to be excluded at that time.

No matter how I word it, someone always gets snitty.

Any suggestions?

Jill S.

One Solution: Ignore It

Here’s the thing—when you want to leave a group text (three or more people), it can feel like rejection to the others. And did you might not know that our brains respond similarly to rejection and physical pain. Studies show that rejection really hurts. In fact, according to MRI results, rejection stimulates the same regions of the brain as physical pain does. In addition, many studies suggest that even mild rejections lead people to take out their aggression on others. It makes sense because, according to Jean Twenge, an NIH researcher in social rejection, "Humans have evolved into creatures motivated to form stable, lasting relationships with others. This is deeply embedded in the culture."  

Add to the fact that communicating your desire to leave the group via text or email makes your request seem somewhat impersonal. It’s so difficult, without voice tone or facial expression, to mitigate the abruptness of words on paper. Hence, the invention of emoticons. And although they help in personal communication, they aren’t the same as face-to-face communication (and certainly aren't appropriate for work communication). So it’s not surprising that when you explicitly ask to leave a group text, some people might get snitty.

So, my advice? Just mute the conversation and let it run its course and eventually die off.

Another Solution: Remove Yourself Quietly

But if you really want to be removed from the group, you do have another alternative: remove yourself. In most text applications, you can choose to leave the conversation...

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Feeling Out of Sorts? Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Might Help

What are your most important needs in life? Take a moment to consider. Don't think about hopes, dreams, or goals, but needs—things you can’t do without.

Has there ever been a time in your life when all of your needs were met and you wanted for nothing?

Probably not. It's more likely that you’ve always felt the need for something beyond what you already had—better health, more job security, more time with friends and family, more time for hobbies, or a greater sense of fulfillment in life.

When you've come to the conclusion that something's missing in your life, how do you name what it is?

When you've come to the conclusion that something's missing in your life, how do you name what it is? And what needs do you focus on meeting first?

Dr. Abraham Maslow wondered about this almost 80 years ago and came up with a framework called Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It’s an oldie but a goodie! In this theory, Maslow proposed that we have five categories of needs, and these categories are arranged in a hierarchy. 

You can visualize the different categories of needs stacked on top of each other like in a pyramid, with the lower levels as prerequisites for the higher levels. Maslow believed that we progress through the hierarchy of needs from bottom to top—once one level is adequately satisfied, the next level comes into focus.

What is Maslow's hierarchy of needs?

Let’s briefly look at each of the categories. Consider whether you feel fulfilled in each of them.

Physiological (basic) needs

These are basic survival needs like food, water, sleep, and ambient temperature so that we’re not too cold or too hot.

Notice that these are biologically-driven needs. If something's amiss, you'll know it! If you don’t have enough food or water in you, your body will tell you. And if you're chronically short on these essentials, your mental health will suffer, too. Research has demonstrated that food insecurity—not having enough access to nutritious food on a regular basis—is associated with psychological stress and psychiatric problems.

Because these needs are so fundamental to survival, Maslow considered them to be...

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'Money,' 'Monies,' or 'Moneys'?

Michael S. asked:

"It's accepted to say, 'to hold moneys for payment in trust.' I presume 'moneys' is plural; I've also seen it spelled 'monies.' Does this mean, then, that the singular would be 'a money'?"

Ha! Well, it’s an interesting question, Michael. The singular word “money” is always a mass noun, like “water" or “furniture.” 

• I need some money. 
• I need some water. 
• I need some furniture. 

You’d never say “a money.” But the word does have two acceptable plurals: “moneys” and “monies.”

The “-ies” spelling always looks like it should be pronounce “monies” to me because it looks like “ponies” with an M, and then I think of Billy Idol, but that’s just my problem. It doesn’t affect what’s right or wrong.

Garner’s Modern English Usage and the AP Stylebook both say “moneys” is the better spelling, but it’s not nearly as clear when you go look at what publications are actually using. 

'Monies' Is Now the More Common Spelling

The most popular spelling of “monies/moneys” has varied dramatically over the last 200 years. 

In the early 1800s, the “-ies” spelling was most common, but the “-eys” spelling took over strongly until the mid-1970s. But since then, “monies” has become more popular in both books that Google has scanned and in the “New York Times.” The magazine “The Economist” also appears to favor the “monies” spelling. 

The frequency of monies and moneys in Google Books over time.

Dictionaries and Style Guide Don’t Match Actual Usage

It seems as if dictionaries and style guides are lagging actual usage, and I’m not the only person to notice. The Cambridge Guide to English Usage also notes that “‘Moneys’ is given preference over ‘monies’ in all...

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What Is a Diaeresis, and Why Do We Use It?

A listener named Al recently wrote in about our segment on the word “reenter.” Sometimes it’s written with a hyphen, and sometimes without.  

He suggested a third option: using the diaeresis. 

What is a diaeresis?

The diaeresis is a diacritical mark that looks like two little dots above a letter. It sometimes appears in English over the second of two consecutive vowels. If you’re familiar with German, you may have mistaken it for an umlaut since they look the same. The diaeresis’ job in English is to show that the second vowel is treated as a second syllable. Think of the long E in “Chloë,” for example, the second O in “coöperate,” or the I in “naïve.”

Diacritical marks in English

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “I’ve seen these words before, and they didn’t have any little dots in them.” 

That’s because the diaeresis, along with most diacritical marks, have fallen out of use in English. Take the word “hotel.” It came into English from French. It originally meant a mansion, and it originally had a pointy hat over the O; that is, an accent circumflex. That accent often appears in French over vowels after which an S used to appear. “Hôtel” used to be “hostel.” When the S went away over time, the circumflex over the O appeared. (1,2)

When “hôtel” came into English, it sometimes appeared with the accent, but that quickly disappeared. Have you ever seen “hotel” spelled with an accent? It’s rare.

Same with “résumé.” The Merriam-Webster dictionary shows the first reference of this word with an acute accent over both E’s. (An acute accent is a little dash tilted to the right.) However, plenty of people write the word "resume" without the accent marks, and three of the largest job portals on the web, LinkedIn, Monster, and Indeed, all avoid the accent marks.

And that make sense. Generally speaking, as foreign terms become naturalized into English, their accent marks fade away. That’s what’s happened with “hotel” and will likely happen with “résumé.” 

The origin of the diaeresis

That leads us back to the diaeresis. It had an important function back in the day. In fact, it was used in ancient Greece to separate a vowel at the start of a new word from a vowel at the end of a preceding word. That was important because Greek used to be written without any spaces between words! So that diaeresis—which comes from the Ancient Greek word for “division”—was really essential! (3)

While we’re...

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Can Passive Income Make You a Millionaire?

Have you ever heard the statistic that millionaires have an average of seven streams of income?

I tried to find the survey, report, or some official repeating that statistic, but I was unsuccessful. That said, seven sounds about right to me.

More importantly, how do we get those seven income streams? (If you want to jump ahead, here are some great passive income ideas.)

What spurred this blog post was an idea put forth by my friend at ESI Money in which he talks about how the first million is the hardest. ESI shares how his net worth growth has accelerated. The first million took 19 years of work (the clock started when he started working, not at birth!) but the second million took just four years and nine months.

The more money you have, the more money you'll get.

The rich do get richer! Here's the playbook.

Active versus passive income

Let's start by talking about making money—in other words, your income.

There are two types of income—active and passive.

Active income is when you do work and are paid for that work. If you work at McDonald's, you are paid for the hours you work. If you work in an office, you may not clock in and clock out but you are paid based on the work that you do. If you do nothing, you will no longer be paid.

Don't mistake passive income for zero work.

Passive income is when the payment is not directly tied to active work. Interest and dividends are prime examples of passive income. Typical passive income sources are front-loaded with active work, for which you are paid a small amount, while the bulk of the income comes later.

Don't mistake passive income for zero work. It's still working; it's just that your income is not directly tied to the hours worked. Anyone who owns rental properties knows that it's considered passive income but there is quite a bit of work involved. The work is front-heavy, but if you are lucky, you can collect rental checks without incident for many months before having to do work.

For example, my friend Paula shares monthly real estate investment reports. In March 2016, she profited $7,461 on less than six hours of work. In July, she spent three weeks and $13,648 renovating a rental to increase yearly income by $4,740. Rental income is passive but it requires work.

How do you accumulate wealth?

Here's the next key to the puzzle. Accumulating wealth is uncomplicated:

• Sell your time for money
• Spend less than you earn
• Invest your savings so it will grow...

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14 Tips to Stop Impulse Buying and Save Money

No matter how frugal you are, no one is immune from making impulse purchases from time to time. But the more you give in, the more harmful it can be to your financial life.

Overspending is a common barrier to achieving key financial goals, such as saving 10% of your gross income for retirement or building a 3-month emergency cash cushion. Spending more than you can afford, or buying things you simply don’t need, can throw your financial stability off kilter.  

Instead of caving to impulses, develop strategies that stand in the way between the compulsion to buy and buying. Use these 14 tips and tricks to resist bad spending habits so you can save more money.

14 Tips to Stop Impulse Buying and Save Money

Here’s more detail about each strategy to kill impulse buying.

1. Shop with a list

Whether you’re shopping for groceries, holiday gifts, or clothes, have a list of what you really need to buy and challenge yourself to stick to it.

You’ll always find something you didn’t know you wanted, whether it’s Oreos or designer shoes on sale. Using a list as your shopping plan keeps you focused so you’re less likely to become distracted by anything that’s not on the list.

A good rule of thumb is to give yourself at least 24 hours to decide if buying something is a need, or just a random impulse purchase, by “sleeping on it.”

2. Use a waiting period rule

Create a rule that before buying anything over a certain amount, such as $50 or $100, that you’ll give yourself time to think about it. It could range from an hour to a month, depending on your propensity to splurge. But the longer you can wait the better.

A good rule of thumb is to give yourself at least 24 hours to decide if buying something is a need, or just a random impulse purchase, by “sleeping on it.” That allows enough time for your impulse to settle down so you can approach the purchase with a clear mind if you really do need it.

If you’re shopping in a brick and mortar store and find something that you think you can’t live without, take a picture of it and its price. You can revisit the item after your waiting period has expired and even use the information to do comparison shopping online.

3. Calculate an item’s value in time

Since a spending impulse is often emotional, engaging the logical part of your brain is a powerful way to stop it. One tactic is to think about how much time it would take you to earn what an item costs.

For example, if you earn $25 an hour after taxes, buying a $250 suit costs you 10 hours of work. Is it worth the equivalent of a long workday?...

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Is Silicone Cookware Safe?

A Nutrition Diva listener writes:

Non-stick silicone cookware, especially for baking, seems really useful. But is it safe? Also, I would like to stop using my plastic steamer that I rely on for steaming vegetables in the microwave. What type of container do you suggest?

What is silicone made from?

Silicone is a type of synthetic rubber made from silicon, a naturally occurring element that’s abundant in rock and sand. Silicon (or silica) is used to make mortar, glass, cement, bricks, and concrete.

Silicon is also used as a semiconductor in computers and cellphones. That's why the Santa Clara Valley, near San Francisco, California, is often referred to as Silicon Valley.

Silicone is not exactly new to kitchens; your grandmother probably used silicone-based rubber spatulas.

Silicon can also be modified or polymerized into a rubbery material called silicone. Silicone is not exactly new to kitchens; your grandmother probably used silicone-based rubber spatulas. But more recently it’s been used to make nonstick cake and muffin pans, baking mats or liners, and a whole range of other cooking gear.

Silicone cookware has several advantages. It’s lightweight, flexible, easy to clean, stain-resistant, and nothing sticks to it. You can put it in the freezer, dishwasher, microwave, or oven. And it comes in all kinds of fun bright colors. But is it too good to be true?

Is Silicone another Teflon?

Many of you have written to me lately about the movie Dark Waters, a legal thriller in the tradition of Erin Brockovich. It tells the story of PFOA, a chemical originally used in Teflon, the nonstick coating created by the chemical company Dupont in the 1940s and widely used in nonstick cookware. 

It was eventually revealed that this supposedly safe compound can accumulate in the tissues of humans and other animals and potentially lead to serious health problems. PFOA was implicated in multiple cases of cancer and other serious health problems. Dupont eventually settled a class-action suit for $671 million.

PFOA is no longer used in Teflon. And it’s important to note that the health problems attributed to PFOA were not linked to the use of nonstick cookware.

PFOA is no longer used in Teflon. And it’s important to note that the health problems attributed to PFOA were not linked to the use of nonstick cookware. Rather, it was due to industrial dumping of this chemical into landfills and water supplies, which exposed local residents to large amounts of the chemical.

Even though PFOA is no longer used in the US, it persists in the environment. And in human tissues. And it’s been replaced by similar chemicals that some fear...

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How to Remove Stains from a Driveway, Patio, or Concrete Surface

If you have stains on paving stones or a concrete patio, sometimes the solution is simple. Try pouring hot water from several feet above the stone onto the stain. Repeat several times, and your stain may just disappear. If this doesn’t work, try rubbing some dishwashing liquid into the spot with a toothbrush, then rinsing off. For really tough stains, first douse with vinegar or ammonia and let sit for several hours before rinsing off. But for even tougher stains, we have the hacks you need to remove them. 

For Driveway Stains Caused by Dogs

Lately, all the dogs in the neighborhood seem to think your driveway is the perfect place to pee. Neutralize the odor that is driving them to mark their territory there by mixing together 7 cups vinegar, 7 cups water, and 1 cup baking soda. Saturate the area with the solution, allow it to dry, then hose it off. The stains will be cleaned off and neighborhood dogs will find a different place to relieve themselves.

Related: How to Treat Common Carpet Stains

For Rusty Concrete

If you have rust stains on your concrete, pour some cola direct from the bottle or can onto the stain and let it sit. By the next time it rains, the stains will be gone. Cola contains some of the same ingredients as store-bought rust removers (scary, but true!).

Get Rid of Grease Stains

If your driveway or garage floor has become an easy place to do some Rorschach testing thanks to the grease, oil, and transmission fluid stains all over the place, take heart—clean concrete is easier than you think. Rub some cat litter into the stain and let it stand for one to two hours before sweeping it up. The super-absorbent litter will soak up the stain.

Related: How to Remove Almost Every Stain

Final Assault Against Stains

If you have a grease or other stain you still can’t remove from concrete or asphalt, it’s time for a different approach. Spray any stained areas with oven cleaner, then let sit for 10 minutes. (Make sure to use in a well-ventilated area, as oven cleaner is some nasty stuff!) Rinse off with a hose, and the stains will disappear.

Keep Weeds Out of Cracks

Now that your paved areas look so great, keep them that way with this easy trick. To remove unwanted grass or weeds from sidewalk and driveway cracks, squirt them with a solution of 1 gallon vinegar, 1 cup salt, and 8 drops liquid detergent. It will make current weeds die and keep new...

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Helping Your Child Before, During, and After a Panic Attack

It’s happening again. Your child is having another panic attack. They’re hyperventilating and shaking. They feel nauseous, tingly, or just plain bad. They’re afraid something terrible is going to happen or that they’re going to die.

What do you do? How do you help your child get through this, and how do you help prevent future panic attacks?

The National Institute of Mental Health states that one in eight children is affected by an anxiety disorder.

While you may feel like you’re alone in trying to figure out your child’s anxiety, the truth is that anxiety disorders are common during childhood—and they’re becoming more common. The National Institute of Mental Health states that one in eight children is affected by an anxiety disorder.

As a therapist and the author of a children’s book featuring a main character with a panic disorder, helping young people with anxiety is near to my heart. Let’s look together at some of the things you can do to help your child before, during, and after a panic attack.

Before a panic attack

If your child has been experiencing panic attacks, here are some steps to take before the next one.

Consider taking your child for a physical to rule out any medical causes for their symptoms. Your pediatrician can also offer treatment recommendations and referrals.

Help your child to maintain a schedule with set times for meals and snacks, proper hydration, physical activity, relaxation, and sleep. Keeping a schedule will decrease your child’s overall anxiety, which will decrease panic attack frequency and intensity.

Keep lines of communication open between you and your child and in your family in general. Get into the habit of talking to your child about their day, their feelings, and their fears.

False alarms happen when our brains believe we’re in danger and give us a burst of energy so that we can run away or fight.

Learn about panic attacks and talk to your child about them. Use simple, straightforward language appropriate to your child’s age. You can describe panic attacks as “false alarms.” These false alarms happen when our brains believe we’re in danger and give us a burst of energy so that we can run away or fight. Reassure your child that while these false alarms can be very...

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Consistent Habits Are the Key to Fitness

Let’s start with this. When you exercise, over time it creates a whole bunch of biological reactions that allow your body to become strong, fast, mobile, coordinated, and efficient. Different exercise types and factors create different adaptations and individuals react differently depending on their genetics, history, current fitness, and interests.

Even in one individual, endurance training will produce different changes than resistance training. That's why I think it is important to dip your toes into as many fitness realms as possible.

By keeping your fitness program varied, you can gain these (and more) benefits:

• Stronger ligaments and tendons
• Increased VO2 max (your ability to use oxygen)
• Increased lactate threshold (how hard you can exercise)
• Increased blood delivery systems (capillaries) in muscles
• Increased cardiac muscle (a stronger heart)
• Increased force production (how much you can lift or how high you can jump)
• Improved balance and coordination
• Increased speed
• Improved ability to continue exercising for longer periods

Each of these wonderful fitness changes is helpful (and necessary) in different scenarios of our lives. So when your body is becoming efficient or strong, powerful or fast, your performance—not only in sport but in life—is enhanced.

But, the long-term benefits of these improved abilities are only seen and become meaningful if we're able to be consistent in our training.

You don't get and stay fit because of the 21-day program you did three months ago. It’s what you've done consistently in the three months since that defines where you are today.

Consistency is both the key and the most overlooked component of fitness. Put plainly, you don't get and stay fit because of the 21-day program you did three months ago. It’s what you've done consistently in the three months since that defines where you are today.

Habits

I wrote an article for the Weighless Life blog a while ago called Getting Unstuck. In it, I said this:

Have you ever wondered what it is that keeps us stuck at a particular weight, or a particular level of fitness, or a particular amount of money in the bank (etc.)? Well, I have. And I have to say that the answer is more surprising and simpler than I had imagined.

It is our...

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How to Build a Secret Circle of Mentors

Hold onto your hat for the big reveal—I dig mentors. Who'd have thought?

Depending on the goals you’ve set, your mentor may educate, inform, inspire, or offer you feedback. There are no limits on what that relationship might bring your way. But for many, the idea of finding a mentor and maintaining that relationship can feel heavy, overwhelming, or intimidating.

And I get it. It’s a big ask of someone you admire and respect. And as the mentee, you may feel pressured to make the most of every minute spent together.

But here’s the thing—“mentor” is a verb as well as a noun. It’s entirely possible for someone to mentor you without being a “capital M” Mentor.

“Mentor” is a verb as well as a noun. It’s entirely possible for someone to mentor you without being a “capital M” Mentor.

And while I don’t hold myself up as the epitome of success, I have achieved a lot as I’ve defined it for myself. And as I reflect on levers I’ve pulled and buttons I’ve pushed in getting here, I realize I’ve built a secret circle of mentors that has supported me along the way. Some have known they’ve been mentoring me, and others haven’t. Others, I don’t even know personally—they’ve mentored me from afar. In some way, they’ve provided support in a form that has served me in growing and achieving.

If you’re not feeling up to the task of asking someone to be a mentor, then let’s talk about the different types of secret mentors you might pull into your own circle of support.

Here’s what my circle has looked like.

Find direction with a compass-holder

A compass-holder is the person who inspires you, offers a sense of direction.

When you set down a path—any path—it’s super helpful to look toward someone a few steps ahead of you. You don’t have to follow every step they’ve taken, but you have the luxury of seeing how their steps have played out. In some cases, you may study what they did and attempt to replicate it. In others, you may choose to go left where they went right.

This person can be either someone you know or a total stranger.

This person can be either someone you know or a total stranger. Author and personal branding expert Dorie Clark was one of my secret mentors when I was just getting started. It wasn’t just what she had achieved, but it was the scrappiness and hustle she demonstrated that really spoke to me.

I listened to her stories, read her books, and played with her tools. And much of what she had to share really pushed me down my own path.

So yes, when I recently had the...

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How Do Meteorologists Calculate 'Feels Like' Temperature?

Meteorologists talk not only about what the temperature will be outside, but also what that temperature “feels like.” Why are these numbers sometimes so different? How do meteorologists know what the temperature will feel like to you?

Although numeric, temperatures are not universal. Most of us have a sense of what a temperature of 75 degrees Fahrenheit means, but add a brisk wind and you will feel colder. Raise the humidity and the temperature your body experiences feels a lot higher too. Precipitation and cloud cover also play a role in making that 75 degrees a more relative experience. So how are “feels like” temperatures calculated?

What is the heat index?

A simple measure of how a temperature of 85 degrees Fahrenheit, for example, will likely feel different in Houston, Texas versus Los Angeles, California is the heat index. The heat index combines the temperature and a measure of the relative humidity to give a better indication of how hot that temperature will actually feel.

On a hot day, our bodies sweat to cool down. In a low humidity, dry environment, that sweat is quickly evaporated into the air leaving us feeling effectively cooled. In humid locales, the air is already full of moisture and so our sweat evaporates more slowly (or not at all), leaving us feeling hotter.

The heat index combines the temperature and a measure of the relative humidity to give a better indication of how hot that temperature will actually feel.

Cold air can hold less water vapor so as temperatures decrease, eventually a temperature called the dewpoint is reached when the air is too cold to hold anymore moisture. Since water vapor can no longer remain in the air as humidity, it instead begins to condense on surfaces.  The temperature and the dewpoint together give the relative humidity, a measure of how much moisture is in the air relative to how much moisture the air could potentially hold. That relative humidity, combined with the temperature, then determines the heat index or an estimate of how hot the air actually feels.

So 85 degrees at 10% humidity, the temperature feels closer to 79 degrees, but at 90% humidity, it will feel closer to 100 degrees outside.  You can find the heat index in your city without...

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How to Rock Your Professional Life While Loving Your Role as a Parent

Working mothers continuously strive to find the perfect balance between a fulfilling career and providing a stable home for their kids.

If anyone knows how to strike a balance between career and parenting, it's Tameika Isaac Devine. She's an elected official, attorney, and a leading expert and speaker on work-life integration for busy working moms.

Click on the audio player or link to your favorite podcast platform (above) to have a listen to our conversation.

Working moms will learn expert tips on how to create a thriving career all while nurturing their families and providing a warm and loving home environment.

Tune in to this interview for Tameika's insightful tips. We talked about:

• What work-like integration is
• Whether work-life balance is achievable for on-the-go moms
• Why it's hard for moms to achieve that perfect balance
• Tameika’s favorite tips and strategies for balancing career and parenting
• Why she wrote her book, THINK LIKE A CEO Act Like a Mom: The Pursuit of Work & Life Integration

Tameika offered some tangible tips that can help you realistically achieve the perfect balance between a fulfilling career and providing a loving, stable home for your kids and spouse.

To learn more about Tameika, visit her at adevinelife.com.

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Expert Advice on How to Rock Your Professional Life While Loving Your Role as a Parent

Working mothers continuously strive to find the perfect balance between a fulfilling career and providing a loving, stable home environment for their kids. Tameika Isaac Devine is an elected official, attorney, and a leading expert and speaker on work-life integration for busy working moms who will show how to balance this fine line.

Working moms will learn expert tips on how to create a thriving career, all while nurturing their families and providing a warm and loving home environment.

Tune into this insightful interview and learn some amazing tips such as:

• What is work-life integration?
• Is work-life balance achievable for on-the-go moms?
• Why is it so hard for moms to achieve that integration?
• Tameika’s favorite tips and strategies for making work-life integration a reality for overwhelmed moms.
• Why she wrote her popular book, THINK LIKE A CEO Act Like a Mom: The Pursuit of Work & Life Integration
• In closing, Tameika will offer some solid, tangible tips that can help women realistically achieve the perfect balance between a fulfilling career and providing a loving, stable home environment for their kids and spouse.

To learn more, visit Tameika at https://ift.tt/2X1hKiZ

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Pain Is Inevitable—Here's How to Make Suffering Optional

Do you know the difference between pain and suffering? Do you know which one you'd choose?

When I think about the most painful experiences in my life—whether they involved physical pain or emotional pain—I notice something funny. The amount of hurt I felt at the time is not proportional to how much I shudder at the memory when I look back.

Let me give you some examples. There's no way any event caused more sheer, body-wracking pain than giving birth—I labored for 20 hours! But even in the toughest moments, I felt pride and excitement. The next most painful experience was breaking my ankle in the first month of college. But for the most part, that experience was humorous.

On the other hand, that time it was really cold when I was visiting Minnesota and my feet were freezing? That was a drag. And it’s no exaggeration to say that every time I get a mosquito bite, I rage and rail. Suffering galore!

The secret ingredient behind how much we suffer from painful experiences lies in the way we think about pain.

Judged by the level of pain alone, giving birth is a million times worse than a mosquito bite. Judged by duration, a broken ankle lasts much longer than cold feet. And yet, I didn't endure prolonged suffering with my most painful events. So, what governs the amount of suffering we experience?

For some hints into the difference between pain and suffering, we can look to the cognitive-behavioral and mindfulness underpinnings of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, a treatment developed by Dr. Steven Hayes, a psychology professor at the University of Nevada and developer of Relational Frame Theory.

Spoiler—the secret ingredient behind how much we suffer from painful experiences lies in the way we think about pain. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look.

What is pain?

Pain is very clean. It’s simply an unpleasant physical sensation—either mild (like an itchy elbow), extreme (like a broken bone), or somewhere in between.

Pain can also be an unpleasant, raw emotional experience. I emphasize “raw” because once a natural emotion has been processed, thinking about it or analyzing it too much gets into suffering territory. A raw emotion is an automatic and simple feeling, one that a first-grader could name—anger, sadness, fear, joy.

Pain is universal and unavoidable. Nobody can truly say they've led a completely painless existence.

...

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The difference between young adult and middle grade: A primer

Are you thinking about writing a book for children or teenagers? Good for you! Many children’s book authors feel inspired by their young readers, and love that their stories provide encouragement to growing minds. In fact, writing “kidlit” — a common slang word used by children’s authors and readers — is a valid market supported by a range of professional organizations, including the well-known Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. Libraries are also strong advocates of children's books; for example, the American Library Association is quite active in sponsoring conferences and awards. Children’s books even have their own distinguished trade, fiction, and industry magazines, such as the Horn Book, Highlights, School Library Journal and VOYA. So it’s not at all unusual for authors who aspire to write for children to find the support and information they need to thrive in this market from these organizations.

One thing that makes the children’s book market different from the adult book market is that the children’s book market is divided into segments based on age. Although it’s true that readers of all ages can read and enjoy children’s books, publishers, librarians, educators, reviewers, and booksellers adhere closely to these age brackets when publishing, marketing, selling, and discussing children’s books, so it is important for writers to recognize the appropriate market for their story.

In general, children’s books are divided into four categories: 

• Picture books
• Chapter books
• Middle grade 
• Young adult

Today, we’ll just focus on the difference between middle-grade and young adult books, since there are common misunderstandings between these two specific markets.

Is it Age Appropriate?  Middle Grade Writing Format and Style

The most basic definition of middle grade is a story that is meant for readers 8 to 12 years old. But to explore this concept more deeply, you should consider narrative elements such as chapter format, reading level, story themes, and age-appropriate content. Middle-grade, like all book markets, can also be affected by current ideas and trends on what would be appealing to kids. Adults in the industry also act as gatekeepers, and there are ever-shifting discussions in the field on “what is right” for children to read.

Middle grade books are designed for beginner readers who have matured beyond picture books and heavily-illustrated...

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Blursday or Whensday?

A new study by U.K. researchers found that you are not alone: It really does feel like time is distorted when we’re strictly staying home and alone during the pandemic.

Only about 20% of the people they surveyed felt like time was passing normally, but of the 80% who felt like the passage of time was altered, half felt like it was going faster, and half felt like it was going slower. The people who felt like time was dragging by tended to be older, bored, and lonely; and the people who felt like time was speeding by tended to be younger and much busier, like parents juggling jobs and children. Whoosh. There went another day.

But whether it feels like time is going fast or slow, one thing researchers think is altering the perception of time is that many of us have lost our routines. We don’t have to leave the house by a certain time to make it to work or to get the kids to school, and weekends can be a lot like weekdays. 

And that’s where we get to the words because people seem to want a word to describe the feeling of not knowing what day of the week it is.

Nancy Friedman, a corporate naming expert who goes by @fritinancy on Twitter has been publishing semi-regular round-ups of new words related to the coronavirus, and her most recent update included both “Blursday” and “Whensday.” And I love them both!

Searching Twitter shows that both words were in use before the pandemic, but they’ve dramatically picked up steam since the first stay-at-home orders were put in place.

If you’re wondering exactly how these words are used, here’s a fun example I found on Twitter.

Professor Tricia Wood wrote, “Just wrapped up a meeting with a colleague and wished her a nice weekend, whereupon she kindly advised me it is Tuesday. #what

And Neil Hanlon replied, “Been there. Happened last Blursday.”

Been there. Happened last Blursday.

— Neil Hanlon (@NeilHanlon3) July 8, 2020

I did a poll to see which word people liked better, and about 2/3 liked “Blursday” more than “Whensday,” and in the end, I have to side with the Blursday camp because it...

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How to Entertain Your Dog When It’s Too Humid to Go Outside

Important Things to Know

• We All Suffer! Dogs don’t like the heat any more than you do.
• Activity Peaks: Dogs are most active in the early morning, before the sun crests the horizon, and in the evening: in science speak, they are crepuscular.  
• AC Cools and Confuses: Air conditioning confuses dogs’ body rhythms—good for them, not always for you, if you don’t want to walk in the middle of the day!

Water, Water, Water

Dogs need a ton of water to regulate their body temperature. Since most of their pores are plugged with hair, water helps them stay hydrated. Place dishes of fresh, clean water indoors and out, upstairs and down. On walks, hikes, or other trips, bring a collapsible bowl or dog water bottle to keep your pal hydrated.

If you’re lucky enough to have central air, your pet may not notice the change of season until she steps outside. This is a both a blessing and a curse. Comfort is truly a blessing, but you know the real temperature and may not want to race outside in 90-degree heat. And once your fur-baby gets a lung full, she won’t want to either.

5 Ways to Entertain Your Dog Without Leaving the House

Fast-action Fun! 

The focus of this game is to keep your pet moving!  Consider her obsession—her go-to toy, bone, or ball—and buy a few. Toss one, labeling it “ball,” “toy,” or “bone,” so she’ll identify object and word. As she races to get the object, encourage her enthusiastically. Now here’s the fun part: After she's fetched the object, when she turns around to face you, extend the replica and run away from her. Break all eye contact as you say “I’ve got the better one!”  When she catches up to you, toss yours. Play this back and forth game around your home or in the hallway or on the stairs if they’re carpeted and your dog has good footing. The only goal here is to keep them moving and focused on you!

Back and Forth

Although you can play this one on your own, it’s more fun with a partner. Fill a cup or canister with treats—I call this a treat cup. Help your dog link the sound of it shaking with the reward of a goody! Either catch your dog by surprise if you’re by yourself, or stand at a distance from your partner and send your dog back and forth. This is a great opportunity to teach your dog to come to you when you call her name and even to teach her the name of various people in your home. Once your dog catches on, move farther away from your partner, or hide in between shuttles!

Since your dog or puppy will be most active...

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2020 Guide to Using an HSA for Savings, Tax Breaks, and More

One of my favorite tax-advantaged savings accounts is a health savings account or HSA. Not only does an HSA allow you to pay less tax for a wide variety of allowable medical expenses, but you can spend it any way you like in retirement. It’s a legal way to pay less tax and save more for the future.

But having an HSA comes with strict rules for saving and spending the funds. This post will cover how to use an HSA wisely, seven significant benefits they offer, and updates on new (and often surprising) allowable expenses in 2020.

What is a health savings account (HSA)?

An HSA is a tax-exempt account for the sole purpose of paying allowable medical expenses. But to qualify for one, you must first have a particular type of health insurance, which I’ll cover in a moment.

It’s a legal way to pay less tax and save more for the future.

You can contribute to an HSA if you get health insurance as an individual or through a group plan. You always own and manage an HSA as an individual, and there are no income limits to qualify.

You don’t need permission from an employer or the IRS to set up an HSA, and it stays with you even if you change jobs or become unemployed. Even if you lose your insurance, you can continue spending your HSA balance; however, you may not be eligible to make any new contributions to the account.

The beauty of an HSA is that contributions are deductible on your tax return even if you don’t itemize deductions. The funds can earn interest or be invested for potential growth in a menu of available options, such as mutual funds. And when you take distributions to pay for qualified medical expenses, your original contributions plus any earnings are entirely tax-free.

Contributions to an HSA can come from you, someone else, or an employer.

Contributions to an HSA can come from you, someone else, or an employer. Some company benefits include regular deposits into an HSA, such as $150 a quarter. Like with matching funds for a retirement plan (such as 401k or 403b), HSA contributions from an employer are not included in your taxable income, a fantastic benefit!

Depending on your income tax rate, using an HSA to pay for allowable medical expenses means getting about a 20% to 30% discount. Over your lifetime, that can add up to huge savings!

However, similar to a retirement account, you should never put money in an HSA that you might need for everyday expenses. You can only use HSA funds to pay for...

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10 Dessert Hacks For Easy Baking

Mess-Free Mashing and Chopping

1. The quickest way to “chop” nuts is to place them in a sealed plastic bag, then roll over them with a rolling pin. This is also a clean, easy way to break up graham crackers or vanilla wafers to make a pie crust.

2. Chopping nuts in a blender? Try adding a small amount of sugar or flour, which will keep the nut pieces from sticking together.

3. Chopping chocolate for a sweet recipe can be a real pain, thanks to the tiny shards of chocolate left on your cutting board. Make your job much easier by simply heating the chocolate before you cut it. (One minute in the microwave usually does the trick; heat until the edges start to melt.) The slightly softened chocolate won’t splinter as much, ensuring you waste very little!

Icing Secrets

4. To keep icing from hardening, just add a very small amount of white vinegar after it is whipped. You can also add a pinch of baking soda to the confectioners’ sugar. This will help the icing retain some moisture, and it won’t dry out as quickly.

Related: A Gajillion Uses for Vinegar

5. Here’s a tip that makes icing a cake much easier. To keep the cake from sliding around on the plate as you’re icing it, place a dab of frosting in the middle of the plate before you place the cake on top. The icing will keep the cake in place, and by the time you’ve served all the slices, no one will notice the little bit of extra frosting on the bottom.

Surprising Cake Decorating Tips

6. Trying to decorate a cookie or write or draw on a cake? Icing bags are still too big and leave you without much control. Try a clean kids’ medicine dispenser—the syringe design helps the icing come out slowly at your push.

7. Here’s a great bakers’ trick to make it easier to decorate the top of a cake: With a toothpick, trace the pattern, picture, or lettering before you pipe the icing. This guide will help you make fewer mistakes.

For the Best End Results

8. Having your ingredients (milk, butter, and eggs) at room temperature is the secret to smooth batter. If you haven’t planned ahead, you can take the chill off milk and butter quickly in the microwave. But what about those eggs? Give them a warm bath! Place eggs from the fridge in a bowl of warm water. As the water cools, repeat by draining the bowl and refilling it with fresh warm water. Let the eggs sit in warm water for about 5 minutes before cracking and adding to the batter.

See also: 8 Tricks for Perfect...

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Organic, Gluten-Free, Vegan—Which One's Healthiest?

I’ve received a series of questions from listeners lately. While the specific topics were quite different, they all have a common root—confusion about what various food designations and certifications mean.

Rohit's question was about contaminants in protein powders.

I was recently researching which protein powder to buy and, to my shock, one of the brands I was looking at was rated worst in terms of contaminants (lead and cadmium.) This plant-based protein was certified USDA organic. Clearly, this label means nothing since they do not test for heavy metal contaminants. Why do we place so much importance on the USDA organic label if it does not protect us from contaminants?

Dennis was surprised to find that certified vegan products are often full of miscellaneous chemicals and artificial ingredients.

I have come to the conclusion that if I want to eat nutritious meals, avoiding processed foods, whether vegan or not, may be more important than seeking out certified vegan products.

Elaine’s question had to do with weight loss.

I’ve already cut gluten and dairy out of my diet. I'm not sure what else I can do to lose weight.

In each case, I think there’s some confusion about what various labels—such as organic, vegan, or gluten-free—do and don’t mean.

"Certified organic," for example, doesn't mean free of chemicals. It also doesn't mean more nutritious or healthier. It means that no synthetic chemical pesticides or fertilizers are added to the crops or the soils.

Certified organic doesn't mean free of chemicals. It also doesn't mean more nutritious or healthier.

The reason organic products can contain heavy metals—including cadmium, lead, and arsenic—is that these minerals are naturally occurring in the environment. Even though they're not added through fertilizers or pesticides, they exist in the soil. And the reason vegan protein powders are often higher in heavy metals than whey or egg-based protein powders is that plants tend to absorb these metals from the soil they're grown in. 

Similarly, the designation "vegan" does not mean healthier, more nutritious, or even more natural. It only means that no animal products are used. As Dennis points out, a lot of the certified vegan foods you’ll find on the shelf these days are highly-processed junk food.

Furthermore, eliminating gluten or dairy from your diet does not automatically lead to weight loss. Gluten-containing foods like breads, cookies, crackers, pasta, and other flour-based foods can contribute a lot of calories to your diet without a whole lot of nutrition...

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How to Use Resistance Bands for Your Home Workout

Regular and consistent resistance training provides many health benefits. But items that we usually associate with resistance training—like barbells, dumbbells, weight plates, and big exercise machines—are heavy, expensive, and take up a lot of space. So, unless you want to get a gym membership, bodyweight exercises are the perfect strength training workout. Enter resistance bands!

Resistance bands—also known as workout bands or exercise bands—are stretchy, elastic, rubber bands or tubes that are used for both physical therapy and general fitness. They've been around since the early twentieth century when they were used primarily for rehabilitation on people with damaged muscles. But in the 1990s, they made a move into the fitness industry. They've grown more and more popular ever since. Even high performers like quarterback Tom Brady herald them as their go-to strength-building gear. 

Advantages of resistance bands

One of the most attractive elements of these bands is how compact and lightweight they are. They can be stored in your junk drawer or tucked away in a cupboard, which makes them perfect for your home or office. The fact that they can be balled-up and jammed into a bag or backpack also makes them ideal for travel.

While you can easily spend hundreds of dollars purchasing a home weight system, you can find a good set of resistance bands online for about twenty bucks.

They're also cost-effective. While you can easily spend hundreds of dollars purchasing a home weight system, you can find a good set of resistance bands online for about twenty bucks. Sure, you can get into fancier and more expensive systems (like the X3 Elite Band), but most of us will do just fine with the cheaper option.

Resistance bands can feel a little unsteady or wobbly, which means that you will need to work harder to maintain good form. This is a good thing! This instability factor means your workout targets what we fitness pros call your stabilizer muscles as well as other muscle groups. Where a weight machine may allow you to lift a heavier load, resistance bands allow you to develop greater control, which can make you more stable and protect you from future injury.

Unlike free weights or weight machines that only allow you to perform a limited number of movements, these bands provide resistance to just about any motion, in almost any body position. With a little ingenuity—and some heavy furniture to tie the bands to—you can do nearly any workout....

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How to Pull Out of a Work Slump

I always get my ice cream in a cup. And there's a good reason.

When I was seven, I was walking along the boardwalk with my ice cream cone, licking chocolate off the top and loving life. Then I tripped, and suddenly everything good was melting into a gooey chocolate puddle on the sidewalk. Thankfully, my Dad bought me a new ice cream cone, but I've never forgotten what it felt like to lose something that was bringing me joy.

Have you ever had a moment like that where things went from awesome to heartbreak in a breath?

Professionally, things were awesome for me in February. Life was a scoop of chocolate in a cone. But by March, that sweet treat was melting all over the sidewalk.

It’s funny that I’m thinking of this now, but something about 2020 reminded me of that day. Professionally anyway, things were awesome for me in February. Life was a scoop of chocolate in a cone. But by March, that sweet treat was melting all over the sidewalk. And no one was going to buy me a new cone.

Let me explain. Running my business has always been about being present with clients—standing at the front of a room or on a stage facilitating education, dialog, and shared learning experiences. But overnight, stages and rooms full of people ceased being an option. So I started replicating my work virtually, at least to the best of my ability. But I quickly hit a slump. Work that had always lit me up was now dragging me down. I felt stuck and uncertain. I needed a way to recharge myself, to rediscover my spark.

Now it’s July and—spoiler alert—I’m in a much-energized space. But I know, from conversations I’m having daily, that work slumps are on-trend right now. And a slump is no laughing matter. If you try to ignore it, you’ll find yourself disengaged, unproductive, uncreative, and ultimately unsuccessful.

So let’s talk about strategies for pulling yourself out of a slump. I can speak to these from firsthand experience!

Define what's changed and what you miss

If you’ve gone from engaged and energized to something a bit slumpier, then start by figuring out what you’re missing most.

For me, so much changed at once. I was suddenly no longer getting dressed for work, traveling, speaking in board rooms, or reading body language. It felt like a million things had vanished overnight.

If you’re in a slump, what’s the one thing you miss most?

At first, believed I wouldn’t be able to re-engage until everything felt “back to normal.” But when I pushed myself to reflect on what I really missed most, I discovered that for me it wasn’t about the travel, the clothes, or the room. For me, it was...

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Emotional, Irritated, Faking It—Why Do Humans Cry?

You hear some bad news, your friend tells you a really good joke, or you enter a smoky room. All of these events might leave you crying, but all tears are not created equal. The tears our eyes produce actually vary in composition depending on the occasion. 

Let’s dig into how our eyes produce tears, the kinds of tears our eyes produce, and why we cry at all.

How are tears made? 

Healthy eyes have small organs called lacrimal glands that sit right above the eye and secrete tears when triggered. When tears are produced, blinking then moves them across the surface of the eye before they're carried away by our tear ducts.

Those tear ducts (also called nasolacrimal ducts) drain into our nose. So when you cry a lot, the tears mix with the mucus in your nose. And if you cry even harder, not all those tears can fit in the drainage system. Instead, they fall out onto your face to make you a snotty, teary mess. Fun!

Since newborn babies don’t yet have fully developed lacrimal glands, they can cry without actually producing any tears.

According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, we make 15-30 gallons of tears each year. That may sound like a lot, but don’t worry, you won’t run out. 

Different kinds of tears

Our eyes make three kinds of tears, each with their own composition or biochemistry.

Basal tears

First up, we make around half a teaspoon each day of something called basal tears. These are the tears responsible for lubricating our eyes so they don’t dry out. Basal tears have three layers:

• An inner mucus layer that keeps them attached to your eye
• An aqueous layer that protects your cornea (and also has some germ-fighting enzymes)
• An oily outer layer that keeps the surface of your eye smooth

Our eyes naturally get drier as we age, and there is a test called the Schirmer test to check that your eyes are producing enough basal tears. In the Schirmer test, if you place a piece of paper at your lower eyelid, 15 millimeters of the paper should be wet after five minutes. Certain activities can increase dry eye, like staring at a computer screen for long periods of time.

Reflex tears

Your eye produces reflex tears in response to an irritant. Ever find yourself crying as you chop...

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5 Essential Tips for Handling a Defiant Toddler

Your morning has been a near success. You manage to get your older child to preschool on time despite her last-minute decision to take a black Sharpie and draw a smiley face on the front of her white blouse. The dog came in from the rain the first time you called him, and only one kid balked when you served oatmeal for breakfast. You'll take it!

Goodbye, near-perfect morning—hello, meltdown!

Then, just as you sit down to relax with your second cup of coffee, your two-year-old decides he wants to wash his toy trucks in the toilet and refuses to budge when you sternly tell him the toilet is not a carwash. He hurls his wet vehicles at the dog and runs away from you. Goodbye, near-perfect morning—hello, meltdown!

If you have a toddler in your life, scenarios like this are sooo relatable. But the good news is, your toddler's just doing what comes naturally—it's his job to be oppositional. Toddlerhood is the period in your child's development when he begins to understand that he can exert some control over his world.

In her article Toddler Misbehavior and Defiance Improves with Positive Discipline, Maureen Healy, author and expert on highly sensitive children, says:

The act of defiance is displaying an inordinately high level of emotional intelligence — your children are actually listening to their inner wisdom.

Maureen Healy

In other words, when your spirited toddler throws a fit and says no when you ask him to take his trucks out of the toilet, fear not! He's exploring and trying to exert his independence.

First, keep in mind that some toddlers are by nature, more likely to be oppositional than others. Three of my eight kids were more stubborn and challenging early on than their siblings. They had intense personalities and were more high-maintenance than the rest of my brood. As they got older, they were better able to manage their tempers, but until that happened, I learned how to navigate their rebellious nature.

The key is to find ways to show your child how he can be in control and make his own choices in positive ways—and without driving you to your breaking point. Try my six strategies that will divert challenging behavior and help you keep calm.

If you suspect your child may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), seek guidance from your child's doctor or a mental health professional.

1. Don’t lose your cool

The most crucial first step to dealing with a defiant child is not to lose your cool. Defiant toddlers lack resources for knowing what to do next—they're looking...

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Chemtrails, Aliens, and Illuminati—The Psychology of Conspiracy Theories

At a dinner party last year, I was casually saying how silly I thought my brother-in-law was for believing in chemtrails when a couple, whom I considered to be very reasonable people, responded that the government really does use them for population control. To be fair, they were shocked that I, a person they thought to be very reasonable, refuse to set up Face ID on my iPhone because I’m pretty sure “they” will use it for surveillance, even though I’m not sure who “they” are.

Conspiracy theories have always fascinated me. When I was thirteen, I worshiped Blink-182 and nodded along to Tom DeLonge’s theories about Area 51. Now that I’m older and a psychologist, I’m much more interested in the psychology of how and why people believe in conspiracy theories.

What are conspiracy theories?

First, let’s define the term. A conspiracy theory is a non-mainstream explanation for something about the world that involves secret, powerful, and often sinister groups. It’s speculative, meaning it’s not based on verified facts. It’s often complex. (Just think of that meme of Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia madly gesturing at crisscrossing strings on a wall crammed with “evidence.”) It usually includes negative and distrustful beliefs about an “other.”

A conspiracy theory is a non-mainstream explanation for something about the world that involves secret, powerful, and often sinister groups.

And importantly, a conspiracy theory is not falsifiable—any evidence against the theory would be chalked up to a cover-up, paradoxically reinforcing the theory. When scientists try to reassure people that chemtrails consist only of normal water vapor, a hardcore chemtrail believer might conclude that scientists have been bought by the government to lie to the people.

This episode is not going to debunk (or bunk) any specific conspiracy theories. After all, I’m no expert on airplane contrails or moon landings. But it turns out that, whether they're true or not, the psychology of conspiracy theories is fascinating. (Spoiler alert: Sleep disorders might be involved in alien abduction conspiracy theories!)

But let’s start with the basics.

Why do people believe in conspiracy theories?

Psychologists specializing in conspiracy theories believe that people have three main motivations...

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Which Comes First? Who or Where?

I saw a "family calendar" for sale in a gift shop last week. Underneath the label was the explanatory phrase: “Who does what and goes where when.” That phrase is a good illustration of several rules about how we form questions in English that you may not have considered before. 

Direct and indirect questions

First, let’s talk about whether that description of the calendar is actually a question. It wasn’t punctuated with a question mark, after all. It wasn’t asking me personally, as I stood there looking at it, “Who does what? Who goes where when?” Instead, the description was telling me, “This calendar will answer the questions of who does what, and who goes where when.” Or at least, it will after I buy it and fill in all those names, dates, and locations! 

Questions that are implied as part of a statement are called indirect questions. Unlike a direct question like “What did you do?” an indirect question isn’t a complete sentence. Instead, it acts as a noun phrase inside a larger sentence; for example, it could be the direct object of a verb like “know” in “I’d like to know who does what and goes where when.” I used an indirect question as the object of the preposition “of” a few sentences ago when I said, “the question of who does what and goes where when.” In other words, an indirect question is a kind of noun clause. If you want to know more about noun clauses, we talked about them in episode 410. 

Now, let's take a look at some grammar rules that apply to both indirect and direct questions.

Joining entire questions with ‘and’

Let’s take a close look at the word “and” in this calendar description. The “and” joins two verb phrases that contain question words: “does what” and “goes where when.” So the question as written on the front of the calendar is a shorter way of writing two questions: 

“Who does what, and who goes where when.”

So one way of asking about more than one thing at a time is just to use the conjunction “and” to join your two questions. Who are you, and what do you want? Where are we going, and when will we arrive?

‘Who’ and ‘what’ in the same question: Subject comes first

For the second way of asking about more than one thing at a time, we can look at the two questions from the calendar separately. 

Let...

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How Money Can Serve As Self-Reflection

While it has probably felt like your financial challenges and frustrations are about money, money is rarely the real issue. Instead, the problem is your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about money. The common thread running through them all requires you to look inside yourself to understand them, so you can identify the inner conflicts that are causing the outer frustrations. For many, this may feel like you’re taking a giant leap into the unknown, because it’s the opposite of how you’ve been trained to think. Normally, we’re told that if you fix your finances and create wealth for yourself, then everything will work out fine.

As a certified financial planner (CFP®) who has worked in the money business for over twenty-five years, I saw how traditional money management solutions work for some but not for everyone. During my career I’ve witnessed countless people, myself included, struggle with the emotional aspects of money far more than the financial part. My suspicion is that many people know it has something to do with their past, and yet, without a guide or process to go through, it is just too intimidating to dive into. Then there’s the fact that, for many of us, we’ve got a ton of pain wrapped up in our money stories, which means we’d prefer to never have to revisit it.

For many of us, we’ve got a ton of pain wrapped up in our money stories, which means we’d prefer to never have to revisit it.

Unfortunately, avoiding pain is often the exact challenge that prevents us from improving our lives. And, if you’re like me and my clients, we were experts at avoiding unwelcome feelings that the past could bring about, especially regarding money. We’d rather have stood on our heads, chanted a gazillion mantras, and run a marathon than explore what was happening under the surface.

Yet living without uncovering the story beneath it all causes us to live with a lot more fear than when we understand and release it. The more fear we have, the more likely we are to live in one of two ways with money: either apprehensively or aggressively. When we’re apprehensive about it, money remains elusive and hard to come by, and when we’re aggressively pursuing it, even though we may earn a lot of money, that pursuit can be riddled with problems. In either case, our fears cause us to play life in such a way that prevents us from losing rather than truly thriving. This is why you can have all the money in the world and still be operating from a lack-oriented mindset.

Perhaps you’ve asked yourself the following questions and at the same time were afraid of their answers:

• “What’s wrong with me that I can’t make my money work?”
• “Why does it always...

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How to Get Squirrels Out of Your Yard

DIY Squirrel Repellent

If squirrels are getting into your garden, keep them away with a homemade pepper spray. Take a cup of your favorite hot sauce, add a spoonful of cayenne pepper and a capful of Murphy’s Oil Soap, and mix together. Spray the mixture in whatever areas you want the squirrels to steer clear of, like the borders of your garden. Squirrels don’t like the texture or the smell, and will stay away.

Keep Squirrels Away From Birdfeeders

Wondering how to keep a squirrel off a birdfeeder? If it’s held up by a pole or metal arm, grease it up with petroleum jelly. Squirrels can’t hold on with the slippery substance and won’t be able to reach the birdseed.

Related: How to Keep Birds Away From Your Patio, Pool, and Garden

Protect Your Grill

Make sure squirrels and other rodents don’t chew through the rubber pipeline that connects your propane tank with your grill—reinforce the entire thing with duct tape by applying duct tape in rings around it. This is a good idea for anything else in your yard made out of rubber, as this is a favorite chew toy of rodents!

Keep Squirrels Out of Your Garden

Squirrels can be one of the trickiest garden pests to deal with. They chomp on flower bulbs and other leaves, dig up your favorite plants, and otherwise love to wreck your garden. Protect it by grating some Irish Spring soap around your plants. Squirrels can’t stand the smell of it and will stay away.

See also: How to Keep Snakes Out of Your Yard 

Plant Mint to Repel Squirrels

Squirrels hate the aroma of mint, so plant mint (which grows easily) around gardens and trees that squirrels like to frequent. It smells great (at least, to you) and you can even pick it and use it in drinks like iced tea and mojitos.

Another Great Squirrel Repellent

If you’ve ever bitten into a shred of foil that had gotten stuck to a piece of candy, you know how unpleasant the sensation is. Rodents hate the feeling of foil between their teeth, too, so placing strips of foil in your garden mulch will help deter squirrels and some bugs. If squirrels are eating the bark of your tree, you can also wrap the trunk in foil.

For more ways to get rid of pests from all around the internet, check out our...

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11 Facts to Know if You're Considering a Nursing Career

Nursing is becoming more complex and demanding as technology advances the roles of these frontline workers. If you are one of those special people who want to train for a career in medicine, here are a few facts you need to know about a nursing profession.

1. There's a persistent need for nurses

If you are looking for a stable career, selecting nursing is a smart move. Expectations are that 15 percent more nurses will be needed by 2025, and that's a big jump in job security.

2. Nursing will keep you moving

If you like to walk, nursing is the profession for you! In a regular shift, a nurse can walk up to five miles a day in a small hospital, and over seven miles in a larger unit. Perhaps that's why shoe manufacturers have designed special shoes just for nurses.

3. Nurses are tech-savvy

As technology continually changes in the medical field, nurses must keep up with the latest advancements. The information collected and stored, the testing methods, and the care patients expect continues to change as technological advancements alter the nursing environment.

4. Nursing is an ancient profession

Florence Nightingale is often thought of as the first nurse, but records show that honor actually belongs to a woman from the Roman Empire. There were also many nurses spread throughout cities and rural villages during the Middle Ages.

5. The field is going strong

In 2018, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that there were approximately four million nurses working in the United States across five nursing occupations. Most are Registered Nurses (RNs) or Licensed Practical Nurses (LPNs). A little under half of them work inside a hospital setting.

6. Nurses are valued

Nurses are highly valued by cities, states, and across the country. In fact, there's a National Nurses Week each year to encourage doctors, hospitals, staffing agencies, and citizens across America to show how much they appreciate the hard-working individuals.

7. There are plentiful education opportunities

Nursing (and ...

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7 Big Insurance Mistakes to Avoid During the COVID Crisis

The coronavirus has upset lives and livelihoods all over the globe. While insurance can’t keep you from getting COVIID-19, having the right types of insurance can reduce your financial risk as the virus spreads.

There’s never been a better time to protect your health, life, property, and business with the right insurance. Let's take a look at seven insurance mistakes you might be making during the pandemic. You’ll learn how to face new risks and challenges with the help of different types of affordable insurance.

Coronavirus insurance mistakes

Here’s the detail on each mistake you should avoid to make sure you and your family stay safe during the pandemic.

1. Skipping health insurance

The coronavirus has changed the health insurance landscape in drastic ways. If you’ve become unemployed or have your work hours cut and lost employer-sponsored health insurance, don’t go without coverage when you may need it most.

Here are several ways to get health insurance:

Medicaid and Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) may be options for free or low-cost coverage if you can’t afford health insurance. These programs allow you to get coverage at any time of year, depending on your income, family size, and where you live. You can learn more at the Medicaid website at Medicaid.gov.

Your parent’s health plan may be an option if they have coverage, you’re under age 26, and they’re willing to insure you. Even if you’re married, not living with a parent, and not financially dependent on them, they can cover you until your 26^th birthday.

COBRA coverage is typically available when you leave a job with group health insurance. Whether you quit, are laid-off, or get fired, COBRA is a federal regulation that gives you the option to continue your employer-sponsored health, dental, and vision insurance for a certain period, such as 18 months. However, if you have funds in a health savings account or HSA, you can use them to pay your COBRA premiums.

Affordable Care Act (ACA) coverage is available through federal or state health online marketplaces, insurance brokers, and insurance websites. If your income is below certain limits based on your family size, you qualify for a federal subsidy, which reduces your healthcare premiums. No matter where you live, you can begin shopping at the federal exchange at Healthcare.gov.

2. Not using telehealth services

If you have a high-deductible health...

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6 Tips for Removing Smoke Odor from Your Home

Recently, one of the vacation rentals my husband manages was rented to a smoker. The guest had stayed about 2 weeks and had blatantly ignored the “No Smoking” sign that sits prominently in the living room.

But as frustrated as we were by the lack of respect for the home and our rules, we knew that—more importantly—we had to get the smoke smell out of the home before the next guests arrived.

Using some ideas I had and some that I researched, I put together a plan of attack. Then my husband and I worked together using the 6 steps I’m going to share with you, and within about 48 hours, the smoke smell was completely gone from the house.

So whether you had a visitor who disregarded your home’s no smoking rule, or are moving into a new space that previously housed a smoker, following these steps will help you remove the noxious smell for good.

RELATED: 6 Easy Air Fresheners You Can Make at Home Right Now 

Getting Started

The first 4 steps I detail below are inexpensive and should remove the residue from a short-time smoker. The last 2 are more costly, but should do the trick for removing the scent from even long-time smoke exposure.

First things first: open up all the windows in your home and turn on as many fans as you can. This will help to start airing out the home while you do the rest of the cleaning.

Next, gather your supplies. You'll need:

• Vinegar. At least a gallon.
• Baking soda. 
• Clean rags/towels. You’ll go through a bunch, so stock up, You can pick up some in the automotive section of your local supermarket or go for microfiber. 
• Bucket
• Colander or strainer
• Ozone Machine. This is only for extreme cases. 

Step #1: Use Vinegar on Fabrics

If you’ve ever gone to a smoky bar, you were probably reminded of your outing the morning after—when you could still smell smoke on your clothes. The same thing applies to the fabrics in your home, which will hold onto any lingering smoke from your rule-breaking guests.

While it might not necessarily be practical, or possible, to remove all the fabric from your home (a couch can be a beast to move to the patio!), do remove all the fabric items...

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Does Your Small Business Need a Blog? Blog Writing Services Can Help

If you have a business, the next step to taking it further is to build and grow a connection with your customers. Simply providing a service or product is no longer enough. In a world that is always moving and full of change, people crave meaningful interactions. And that need extends to the products and services they use. Customers want to be surrounded by things they can identify with. If a business with great products or services is also able to provide some kind of added value for someone, that person is more likely to become a loyal patron. 

As a business owner, providing that added value can feel like a huge task. This is where the value of blog writing services can really shine. Not only can these services create more connections between you and your customers, but they can also make your life easier through a smoother workflow. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to get started.

What are my goals?

Ultimately, you probably hope to increase your sales. However, modern consumers expect personal connections. Set a goal for providing helpful facts that engage new readers. Establish a goal regarding how many new readers left comments on your blog. Consumers are more likely to complete sales when they feel that you hope to improve their lives. 

Do I even need a blog?

Yes. According to studies conducted by the Pew Research Center, people regularly turn to blogs and internet articles instead of using their televisions for news and information.

How can I connect with customers?

A blog allows businesses to connect with customers in many ways. Blogs provide answers to consumers' questions. They make your brand seem approachable and friendly. Blogs encourage readers to interact with your company and maintain meaningful connections. In addition to providing a blog, reach out through social media to invite readers to visit your website. 

Who are my current customers?

If you aren't sure about the needs, motivations, and concerns of your existing customers, it will be easy to miss out on meaningful connections. As you respond to comments on your blog posts or on your social media sites, you'll learn more about the needs that drive sales. While copywriters will spend time researching your current customers, it's also helpful for you to develop relationships with...

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How—and Why—to Read For Joy

A few years ago, long before there was a pandemic, I decided I needed a battle cry.

And so I picked READ FOR JOY.

It was advice to myself—but also to everybody else. It was something I’d discovered, after a lifetime of being a dedicated devotee of reading, that I wanted to share with other people. It was one of the smartest things I’d ever figured out about how to live a happy, nourishing life, and I felt like I shouldn’t hoard the insight.

I couldn’t really have anticipated how much we’d come to need that advice.

But we definitely need it now.

[Reading for joy is] not reading only ‘happy’ stories—but giving yourself permission to read what you want and trusting yourself to find the stories you need.

Here we are, suddenly, in the middle of a pandemic that’s raging out of control. People are scared, worried, grieving, anxious. We’re surrounded by uncertainty and despair. Forty percent of us are officially depressed.

And so, I’m doubling-down. Read for joy.

There’s a quote I love from Nora Ephron:

Reading is escape—and the opposite of escape.

Reading takes us away from our lives but also connects us more deeply to them. It focuses on others but somehow teaches us about ourselves. It turns us both outward and inward at the same time.

But it matters what you read. The right stories at the right time can be exactly the balm you’re looking for—and the wrong stories can put you off reading altogether.

That’s why now, more than ever, you should read for fun. Read for pleasure. Read what you feel like reading. What grabs your interest.

Whatever that might be.

When you find those stories—the right ones for you on a soul-deep level—it feels right. It feels good. It feels like joy.

If you think about it, reading really is a loaded thing. We did it all through school growing up, and we got judged and graded endlessly on our abilities. It’s fine. It is what it is. Reading is important, and it needs to be one of the Three Rs.

But academic reading is not the only good reading. Literary reading is not the only reading that matters. I don’t know about you, but I absorbed an idea from school that stories existed in a hierarchy, with Camus and Kafka and Tolstoy up at the top, and, I don’t know . . . maybe category romances down at the bottom. As if stories could be ranked, linearly, from “good” to “bad.”

But then I grew up and figured something out—stories aren’t a hierarchy; stories are a universe. There are all different kinds of good.

In adulthood, after...

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