4 Secrets Therapists Use to Be a Great Listener

Do you know how to be a good listener? It's not only a skill we all need, but one we all crave.

Let’s say you’ve had a tough day, or tough month. You didn’t get that promotion you were promised, and you found out that your more junior coworker makes a higher salary than you. Your AC is out and it’s hot as a sauna. Your separated parents are fighting over who gets you for the holidays. And your favorite khaleesi just dracarys’d a million civilians for no reason at all. (No, I’m still not over it.)

What do you need in this moment? If you’re like me, an iced tea and a friend’s listening ear might be at the top of your list. Which friend would you go to? I’m guessing you’d want someone who's a good listener. But what makes a good listener, exactly? And do you think you’ve got those qualities?

Why listening is a necessary skill

A friend was recently venting to me about her relationship. She’s dating this awesome guy. He's kind, smart, funny, handsome, and her dog loves him … so, pretty much perfect! She really likes him. The only complaint she had was that he’s just not a great listener. Don’t get me wrong, she said—they had great chemistry, talking about everything from travel to music, but if she needed to vent about work frustrations or get some emotional support about family drama, he suddenly clammed up. Not that he would leave the room or do anything rude. Apparently, he was very attentive, willing to sit down for as long as she wanted to talk, and was never impatient or mean. He kept his ears open, maintained good eye contact, and nodded frequently.

So, what was wrong? It sounds like he did a lot of, well ... listening.

The problem, my friend said, was that she felt like she was talking to a wall. A very nice wall, but frustratingly unresponsive. She didn’t get any feedback to indicate that he really understood or empathized with her, that he was thoughtful about what he'd heard, or that he even cared. In other words, she didn’t feel heard.

When she felt this way about her boyfriend, she would sometimes try to talk to her sister about it. The good news is that her sister is certainly responsive. She was very active in giving advice. The downside is that that’s all she did—give advice! Sometimes my friend found this helpful, but sometimes this was just as frustrating as talking to her boyfriend, because the advice was often not on-point or felt judgmental. Most of all, my friend still didn’t get the emotional support she needed. So, in a way, her sister was acting like a wall, too. Perhaps a more interactive one, but just as impenetrable and unhelpful.

So what to do? Being silent doesn’t work. But giving too much advice...

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9 Tips for Writing Scripts and Speeches

Today, we’re going to tackle two of the scariest things you may ever be asked to do: writing and delivering a speech. To help your next presentation go well, check out these quick and dirty tips for writing scripts and speeches.

Tip #1: Keep it Quick and Dirty

Keep it short. Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address is one of the most famous speeches in history, and it’s just 10 sentences long. Of course, not every presenter can be as brief as Lincoln, and a two-minute speech wouldn’t be appropriate if you’ve been asked to fill half an hour. Don’t cut yourself short, but do fill your time with relevant material that will keep your audience interested.

Tip #2: Orient Your Listener

Take control of your listeners’ expectations. A strong introduction is important whether you’re writing or speaking, but it takes a lot longer to listen to a speech than to read an article, and it will help your audience commit to your presentation if you start by telling them why it’s important. For example, “We’re going to spend the next 30 minutes talking about the zombie apocalypse, because if you’re prepared for zombies, you’re prepared for anything!”  It also helps to include an interesting anecdote or question to hook them, like, “Did you know that FEMA recently released tips on how to survive a zombie apocalypse?”

Also, remember that your presentation begins as soon as you take the stage. Don’t spend 10 minutes thanking everyone in the room before you get to the meat of your piece. A brief thank-you is fine.

Tip #3: Keep Important Information at the Beginning of Your Sentences

Keep your listeners hooked throughout your speech by crafting your sentences in a way that grabs them at the beginning. When telling the audience something new and interesting, start your sentence with the most important information. Imagine Darth Vader telling Luke Skywalker, “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I had a son, and it was you.” Putting the main subject and the main verb first in the sentence makes it far more interesting: “I am your father.”

Tip #4: Finish Strong

To help your audience walk away satisfied, finish by reminding them of what they’ve learned and if appropriate, what you want them to do next: “Zombies may not be lurking outside your door right now, but you never know when a disaster will strike. Build an emergency kit, make a plan with your family, and be ready to run if your neighbors come looking for brains.”

Tip #5: Write an Outline, Then Write Your Speech

Write an...

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Is 'Aks' a Question Proper English?

Today, we have a tidbit about the word that’s spelled A-S-K. You’ll usually hear this pronounced “ask”—but sometimes, you’ll hear it pronounced as “aks,” with the “s” and the “k” sounds transposed. 

Some people can get all agitated when they hear the “aks” pronunciation. They might be surprised to hear that although it isn’t considered standard English, the “aks” version actually has a long and storied history that extends back through nearly a thousand years of the English language.

Here’s the scoop.

The word “ask” comes from the Proto-Germanic word “aiskōan,” which evolved into the Old English word “ascian.” From what we can tell, these words were probably pronounced with an S-K sound.

The oldest printed citations indicate 'ask' was pronounced like 'aks' or 'axe.'

However, the earliest references to these words that we can find in print reveal something different: a K-S sound. For example, the earliest citation for this word in the Oxford English Dictionary is spelled A-C-S-O-D-E. The second is spelled A-X-O-D-E. Both indicate the “ks” pronunciation.

Based on these citations (and many others), it seems that during the time when Old English was spoken—from about 500 to 1100 AD—the “aks” pronunciation ruled the land. The “ask” version still appeared, but not nearly as much. And the use of “aks” continued steadily through the periods when Middle English and Early Modern English were spoken—that is, all the way up through the 1500s.

In fact, we find it in Geoffrey Chaucer’s “Canterbury Tales” and in William Tyndale’s translation of the bible into Early Modern English. Both of these landmark documents use the spelling “axe”—A-X-E. 

During this same time, a third variation of the word started popping up in print—one with more of an “ash” pronunciation. 

(If this seems odd, remember that back in the day, spelling wasn’t particularly standardized. The small subset of the population who could read and write spelled out words phonetically. Dictionaries literally didn’t exist yet, so there were no references to guide people on correct and incorrect spelling.)

In any case, over time, something shifted. Speakers started moving from the K-S sound back to the S-K sound—the one used way back in the Proto-Germanic “aiskōan.” And they completely dropped the “ash” version. That change is reflected in the King James Bible, published in 1611, and Shakespeare’s plays, which were written in the late 1500s and...

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10 Easy Tricks to Organize Jewelry

Organizing jewelry has never been simpler. All you need to do is look around your house or apartment and muster some creativity. 

How to Organize Jewelry

1. Bulletin Board Display
2. Candlestick Bracelet Stand
3. Brooch the Subject
4. Buttons
5. DIY Necklace Holders
6. DIY Jewelry Holder
7. Safekeeping for Delicate Jewelry
8. Ice Cube Tray Jewelry Holders
9. Bracelet Storage Solution
10. DIY Earring Organizer

Let's explore each DIY tip a little further.

1. Bulletin Board Display

This organizational tip is also a great bedroom decoration. Buy a bulletin board and lots of sturdy pushpins, then use them to hang your bracelets, necklaces, rings, and hook earrings. With all your jewelry on display, you’ll be able to more quickly decide what you want to wear, and it won’t be a tangled mess. You’ll also get a chance to look at beautiful pieces that may not make it into your regular rotation.

2. Candlestick Bracelet Stand

You could get a pricey jewelry holder to organize your bracelets, but why fork over that cash when you can make your own version that’s both elegant and unique? Look around the house for an old, unused candlestick—or visit a thrift shop to find one on the cheap. Give it a nice polish, if needed, then slide your bracelets over the stem and place it on your dresser or vanity.  

3. Brooch the Subject

Do you have too many brooches and pins to ever get around to wearing them all? Repurpose them at home or at the office by turning them into unique magnets that get noticed! Just use wire cutters to clip off the pin on the back, then glue a magnet (available at craft stores) on the back.

4. Buttons

Here’s an easy way to keep your earrings together: Thread the posts through old buttons, and then attach the backs.

5. DIY Necklace Holders

You don’t have to buy a jewelry organizer to keep your necklaces untangled. Just cut plastic straws in half, thread your necklaces through, and fasten the clasps. The straws will keep the chains straight and untangled.

6. DIY Jewelry Holder

Transform an old wooden cutlery tray into a beautiful jewelry holder with these easy ideas: Spray paint the tray any color you like to match your room’s décor. Insert cabinet handles to serve as hanging hooks for your necklaces and...

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7 Micro Habits That Create Financial Success

 

Daily habits lay the foundation for short- and long-term success with our health, wealth, and happiness, so it’s critical to carefully examine our repetitive behaviors and thought patterns. They’re either moving you closer to your goals or further away from them.

I’ll admit that breaking old habits and forming new, beneficial ones isn’t easy. But one way to create more financial success is to begin layering simple micro habits into your routine that require minimal effort and motivation to complete.

You already have many tiny daily habits, such as brushing your teeth or taking vitamins. Any small step that allows you to stop a negative habit or start a positive one is a micro habit.

They take up little time, but can build up to huge, significant results when you make them part of your routine.

7 Micro Habits That Create Financial Success

1. Listening to 15 minutes of audio.
2. Reading one page of a book.
3. Going to bed 30 minutes earlier.
4. Buying quality instead of quantity.
5. Setting a spending waiting period.
6. Automating your savings.
7. Saying “no” more often.

Here's how to use these seven micro habits to create more professional and personal financial success.   

1. Listening to 15 minutes of audio.

Everyone has 15 minutes of daily downtime, such as when you get dressed, shave, put on makeup, fold clothes, take a lunch break, or commute. That’s the perfect opportunity to listen to a great podcast or audiobook that improves your life.

No matter if you’re an employee or have a business or side gig, find audio content about your industry so you can stay up-to-date. Or seek topics like customer service, e-commerce, or marketing to find more customers and serve clients at a higher level. Choose anything you want to start doing better and find expert content that moves you forward with information and motivation.

When you surround yourself with positive information, it’s easier to stay informed and inspired. You never know where the information may take you.

The beauty of podcasts and audiobooks is that you can consume portions when you have small windows of time and then pick up where you left off. Start by listening to something new that interests you for just 15 minutes and see how you can incorporate it into your day on a regular basis.

When you surround yourself with positive...

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Top 5 Nutrients for Postpartum Recovery

Moms who have just given birth need good nutrition to support their healing and recovery. And for mothers who are breast-feeding, their diet also has a direct impact on their baby's health and growth.

Registered Dietitian Melissa Mitri specializes in nutrition counseling for busy moms, helping them move away from restrictive, fad diets and find more sustainable ways of meeting their health goals. Today, she joins me to talk specifically about special nutritional needs during the postpartum period. In this interview, Melissa shares why nutrition is so important after childbirth and details the five most important nutrients for postpartum mothers. Below are highlights from our discussion. Click on the audio player to hear the entire interview. 

5 Critical Nutrients for Postpartum Mothers

1. Iron. It's important to replenish the iron you lose during childbirth. If you're breastfeeding, your iron stores supply your baby with iron for their proper development and thyroid function.Good iron sources include red meat, liver, clams, oysters, and green leafy veggies. If you’re a vegetarian, Melissa recommends an iron supplement. 
2. Vitamin B12. B12 is required for proper red blood cell development, energy production, and helping to form our DNA. Babies with inadequate B12 levels are often more irritable, and have an increased risk for failure to thrive, developmental delays, and poor brain growth. The best sources are animal foods, such as clams, tuna, liver, beef, and salmon. You can also get if from fortified dairy and cereals. Vegans are advised to take a B12 supplement. 
3. DHA, an omega-3 fatty acid. Infants of mothers with a high DHA concentration in their breast milk have been shown to have improved brain and vision development. Even if you’re not breastfeeding, there has been research in the role of DHA in enhancing mental focus, and reducing inflammation and the risk of postpartum depression. Good sources include salmon, sardines, fortified eggs, and dairy. Most moms should continue to take a DHA supplement after pregnancy because many do not get enough in their diet.
4. Choline. Choline is a nutrient similar to folic acid that is crucial for brain development. The needs for this nutrient increase during pregnancy and are the highest in breastfeeding moms. Choline is very important for infant memory and brain development. The best food sources of choline are eggs and organ meats like liver.
5. Vitamin D. It supports the immune system, brain, and nervous system and reduces risk of postpartum depression and anxiety. The best dietary sources of Vitamin D are fatty fish like salmon and...

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7 Things Any Party Host Should Know

Make your soirée the talk of the town—and enjoy yourself while you're at it! 

Inexpensive Entertainment

If you’re hosting a party that requires you to hire someone like a clown, face painter, or bartender, head to your local college first. There, you’ll find hundreds of young people who will do the job for a lot less than a pro. Put up an ad near the cafeteria, and stop by the careers office to see if they have an online “bulletin board.”

Mail Management

If you’re mailing out invitations for a formal party or event, stick them in the mailbox on Wednesday, so that they’ll arrive on Friday or Saturday. People respond more quickly to mail received on the weekend—so you’ll get your headcount finalized sooner!

Food Rationing

Wondering how much food to make for your big soiree? Wonder no longer. At a cocktail party (no dinner served), 10-12 bite-sized portions per person is a good bet. If you’re also serving a meal, figure on four to five bites per guest. For dip, figure two tablespoons per person (plus veggies or crackers for dipping), and for cheese, get four ounces for each person.

A Party Is About the People…

A party is about the people, not how much you spend on it. Before you throw a huge bash, write out your priorities in terms of what you think is most important to spend your money on (for example, the least on decorations and the most on food). Then figure out how much you’re willing to spend on the highest item on your list, and work your way down. Friends always ask, “Can I bring anything?” and you shouldn’t be afraid of asking your good friends to bring a dessert or appetizer. And don’t forget—potlucks and picnics are cheap and always popular.

Card Table Trick

This simple trick offers peace-of-mind when several folding tables are placed together to form a bigger table. Use cleaned-out coffee cans as holders for adjoining legs from different tables and rest assured that your grandmother’s hand-blown glass punch bowl is safe.

Extra Garbage Space

Having a party and need an extra trash bin for your guests? Just repurpose your hamper. (Your dirty clothes will be fine in a garbage bag in the closet until tomorrow.)

Keep the TV Going

During parties, our...

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3 Problems with High-Intensity Interval Training

I was recently investigating a fancy new stationary bike that came on the market not that long ago. It uses a variation of High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT). It's a slick-looking bike, which appeals to my fashionista side. It also includes some interesting machine learning, which appeals to my inner nerd. And it boasts some pretty phenomenal health study results, which appeals to my inner coach. But despite all that, I still find myself scratching my head. 

This is where the stumbling block starts for me. The bike's website claims that the device is "clinically proven to give you the same cardio benefits of a 45-minute jog in under 9 minutes, with only 40 seconds of hard work."

Really? On a stationary bike? Where you aren't using your arms at all, your skeleton is supported by a seat, and your legs are only moving through a biomechanically repetitive and limited range of motion? I find that claim dubious at best.

Before we get into some of the problems with HIIT, let's clarify what it is. 

What is High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT)?

HIIT involves alternating brief bouts of high-intensity exercise (30 seconds to five minutes) with shorter rest periods during a single exercise session. For most people, the allure of this type of training is that it promises shorter workouts, which still provide results that are equal to (or greater than) more traditional moderate-intensity training. HIIT is versatile enough to be used in all types of settings. It also packs a punch that can take some extra time to recover from.

Arguably, the most popular form of HIIT is the Tabata method. I wrote about that in an article called How to Use Tabata Training for More Than Just HIIT Workouts. Although the article you're reading right now may seem like it's putting HIIT down, I stand by my previous claims. Tabata training, if done correctly (and that's a big if), is very demanding. The body responds to the stress of this workout by rapidly increasing its capacity to increase oxygen uptake, which is an important measure of fitness.

As I hinted at earlier, you do not need to do HIIT more often than once or twice per week. Doing it more often than two or three times a week can actually be counterproductive. If you are doing these workouts correctly, your body will need time to recover between sessions. The key to making any interval training effective is in the intensity. Which leads me back to the problems with HIIT.

HIIT Problem #1

Cardiovascular fitness based on one particular activity is not the same as cardiovascular health in everyday life.

Cardiovascular fitness based on one particular activity is not the same as cardiovascular health in everyday life.

...

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Make a Good Impression in Writing Online

Today we're going to talk about the written equivalent of voice tone and body language: the nonverbal parts of written word.

Here in the 21st century, we’re all on display, all the time. When you start a new job, within moments your bosses and co-workers have Googled you, Binged you, Facebooked you, LinkedIned you, and Instagramed you. They’ve read what you’ve written. They’ve seen your poetry blog. Which means that all of it—every single bit—will factor into how they perceive you.

Oh, joy.

Content and form are different

The online world is dangerous and scary if we say the wrong things.

You declare “i love rhubarb cupcake” All lower case. No punctuation. Within 7 hours, the Rhubarb People’s Collective is organizing a letter writing campaign to get you declared a rhubarb-terrorist who commits the unpardonable sin of transforming this most delicious of plants into lowly cupcakes. That’s because they didn’t like the content of your message. Content is the actual words and information in your post.

Form is how you convey your content. It’s the writing equivalent of voice tone, body language, and other nonverbal communication. 

Form makes an unconscious impression

How you express your ideas matters.

When people read your writing, they’ll respond consciously to your content. “Ban the evil-rhubarb defiler who desecrates all rhubarb by making it into lowly cupcakes!” 

When people read your writing, they’ll respond consciously to your content. Unconsciously, however, they’ll respond to the form.

Unconsciously, however, they’ll respond to the form. “Wow, that rhubarb loser didn’t capitalize or use punctation. We must shame this incompetent doofus publicly!“

This is a dreadful reaction! The only thing worse than being harassed by the People’s Rhubarb Collective is being harassed and not even having the dignity of being taken seriously by the Collective. 

With the rise of social media and texting, we’ve been going through different conventions for different media. You write in one style when texting, and another when writing longer form messages. But for the most part, the unconscious cues haven’t changed. If you want to manage your public reputation, personal brand, online presence, or whatever you call it when your boss looks at your Insta and judges you based on what they find, play it safe—manage the...

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The Amazon is on fire. What can we do?

The Amazon rainforest is burning. A blanket of dark smoke covers the Brazilian state of Roraima. A state of emergency was declared in Manaus, the capital of the Brazilian state of Amazonas. Over 2,700 kilometers away, the sky suddenly went dark over 12 million people in Sao Paolo, prompting many to post photos with the hashtag #prayforamazonia. The devastation is so large, it can be seen from space.

What caused the fires? Are they being put out? What impact does the burning South American rainforest have on the rest of the world, and what can we do about it?

How big are the fires?

According to the National Institute for Space Research (INPE, Brazil’s version of NASA), 72,843 fires have been detected in Brazil since January this year. That’s an 83% increase from the same time period just last year and the highest on record since they began keeping records six years ago. Last week alone saw 9,507 new fires, mostly in the Amazon basin. 

According to the National Institute for Space Research, 72,843 fires have been detected in Brazil since January this year.

Using data from NASA’s EARTHDATA program, which monitors active fires globally, Quartz has produced a map of currently active fires, which stretch across Brazil and South America but are most dense in the Brazilian states surrounding and including the Amazon rainforest. 

What caused the fires?

It is currently the dry season across Brazil when wildfires are not uncommon. However, the frequency and intensity of the current fires cannot be explained by naturally occurring wildfires alone. 

In fact, farmers often take advantage of the dry conditions this time of year to purposefully set fires with the intent of clearing land for cattle ranching. With minimum startup costs and easy access to the land, cattle ranching is an appealing way for those in the rural surrounding areas to earn a living. Farmers first cut the trees down and leave them to dry out. They later set fire to the fallen trees so that their ashes will fertilize the soil. 

Droughts can also lead to more widespread fires in a kind of feedback loop. Starved...

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Words that Sound Funny

 

I had my first comedy hit with the phrase “itty-bitty kidneys.” Of course, the audience was my eight-month-old son, so it wasn’t much of a hit, but every time I uttered those magic words he’d laugh until he couldn’t breathe. Similar phrases (including “itty-bitty fingers,” “itty-bitty toes,” and the rarely amusing “itty-bitty latissimus dorsi”) never had the same comic effect. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was employing some powerful tools for verbal comedy.

K-Words

Here’s the first one. Words with the K-sound — like “kidneys” — are inherently funny.

The humor potential of the letter K has been part of comic lore for years. In the Neil Simon play “The Sunshine Boys,” the character Willy explains it to his nephew: “Fifty-seven years in this business, you learn a few things. You know what words are funny and which words are not funny. Alka Seltzer is funny. You say ‘Alka Seltzer,’ you get a laugh . . . Words with K in them are funny. Casey Stengel, that's a funny name. Robert Taylor is not funny.”

So the names “Squiggly” and “Aardvark,” two recurring characters in the Grammar Girl example sentences, both have great comedy potential because they both contain the K sound. It masquerades as a QU in “Squiggly” and it lurks at the end of “Aardvark.”

Scientist and researcher Richard Wiseman put the “K is funny” theory to the test during his LaughLab research in 2001. Although the main focus of the research was finding the funniest joke, Wiseman also performed a “mini-experiment” to see if the letter K actually gets more laughs.

The experiment was built around a simple joke:

There were two cows in a field. One said, “Moo.” The other one said, “I was going to say that.”

During the experiment, people were invited to visit the LaughLab website and rate jokes pulled at random from a database. In addition to the cow joke, Wiseman and his colleagues put several variations in the database including mice that went “eek,” tigers that said “grrr,” and birds going “cheep.” The winning variation, which had the most K’s was this joke:

There were two ducks on a pond. One said, “Quack” and the other said, “I was going to say that.”

K’s for the win!

There are other verbal techniques you can use to elicit a chuckle, guffaw, or belly laugh. All of them have their roots in poetry. Humor and poetry often make use of...

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3 Kinds of Long-Distance Relationships and How to Survive Them

A leading online women’s magazine recently did a run-down of the ten most highly searched relationship questions on Google. The results were pretty shocking. The #1 most-asked question turned out to be: “How to make a long distance relationship work?” 

That’s interesting. We’re all usually told to do everything we can to avoid long-distance relationships.

What’s going on here? Google doesn’t give an opinion. But it seems more people do find themselves in long-distance relationships these days—despite all the traditional warnings.

Long-Distance Relationships in the 21st Century

According to one study, about three million married Americans now live apart from their spouse at some point during their marriage. Part of the explanation may be economic. These days it’s typical for both partners to work. Which means that sooner or later one of you may have to move for a job assignment.

Another reason for the apparent uptick in long distance relationships is that many relationships these days start out long-distance. Almost 40% of heterosexual American couples today actually meet online. For same-sex couples, it’s more than 60%. If you’re looking for love online, it’s easy to get attracted to someone who lives a bit farther away than you’d ordinarily consider practical. Before you know it, you’re part of a long-distance couple.

If you’re looking for love online, it’s easy to get attracted to someone who lives a bit farther away than you’d ordinarily consider practical. Before you know it, you’re part of a long-distance couple.

There are also lots of new, creative ways for couples to stay in touch. According to one study, the average long-distance couple exchanges 343 text messages—and spends eight hours on the phone or video together—in a typical week. There’s now a whole micro-industry devoted to supporting long-distance relationships—through special apps, special web sites, and even long-distance interactive sex toys.

So, Is There Hope for Long Distance Relationships?

With all these innovations, do long-distance relationships stand a better chance than they used to? Two recent studies found that people in long distance relationships report equal levels of relationship satisfaction, and even better levels of satisfaction on some measures, than conventional couples.

So let’s ask the obvious question: Are we now at a point where friends and family should finally stop warning couples against long-distance relationships? The answer, I think, depends on where you happen to be in your relationship when you face the decision to go long-distance or not.

The Stages of Love...

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5 Ways to Curb Back-to-School Anxieties

Heading back to school brings on such a mixed bag of emotions. Families are winding down from carefree summer vacation-mode, where plenty of down-time is the norm. Weeks of laid-back summer living can be fun, but many families also admit to needing a break from the 24/7 togetherness. Kids are looking forward to seeing their school friends once again and beginning their new classroom adventures. But transitioning from the non-structured lazy days of summer into the rigidity of the new school year can be tough.

Some anxiety about returning to school is typical in kids. Will they like their new teacher, have friends to play with at recess or sit with at lunch, and be able to handle their new grade's workload? For most kids, new-school-year worries will gradually disappear as they get acclimated to their routines and environment. But the weeks leading up to and beginning the new year can be a stressful time for the whole family.

Here are five tips to help lessen the anxieties of transitioning back-to-school.

#1 - Prepare Ahead

One reason kids feel anxious about the start of a new school year is that they get thrust into a rigid routine without any warning. Keeping late-night hours, sleeping in, and grabbing something crumpled to wear will not make the grade once school starts.

Although you may want to soak up every last bit of your current summer lifestyle, gradually switching gears from those late-night movie binges to a bedtime routine similar to what you’ll be practicing when school starts will have huge benefits for you and your kids.

Plan to initiate your school routines two to three weeks before the first day of school.

Plan to initiate your school routines two to three weeks before the first day of school. This can be as simple as getting them to bed 15 minutes earlier for a few nights, gradually increasing the time to half an hour, and eventually landing at your child’s typical school bedtime. Once school starts, your child won’t feel such a dramatic shift in their sleep schedule.

This applies to wake-up time as well. Just like with bedtime, begin gradually moving wakeup time earlier. 

The weeks leading up to the start of school are a great time to re-establish the ritual of choosing outfits the night before. Anything you can do to get your family back into their fall routine—like meal planning, re-adjusting to school lunch items, and re-establishing regular laundry days—before vacation ends will take the edge off of those back-to-school jitters.

#2 -...

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Where in the World is Get-Fit Guy Sweepstakes

Homographs: Words That Are Spelled the Same but Sound Different

One of our listeners named Gregg wrote in recently with a question. He wanted to know if there’s a term for words that change their definition when their syllable emphasis changes. 

He mentioned the word “invalid” as an example. According to Merriam-Webster, the word means “being without foundation in fact or truth” when you stress the second syllable (as in, in-VAL-id), but it means “one that is sickly or disabled” when you stress the first syllable (as in, IN-val-id).

Good question, Gregg! There is a term for words that are spelled the same but have different meanings. They’re called “homographs.” The “homo” root means “same,” and the “graph” root means “write.” 

And as Gregg pointed out, some homographs are pronounced differently, like “wind” (the movement of air) and “wind” (to coil something like a string around another object). Others are pronounced the same, like “odd” (meaning strange) and “odd” (meaning a number that can’t be divided evenly by two). 

Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone if we just had separate words for totally separate concepts? Here’s why we don’t.

Some Homographs Have Different Etymologies

Some homographs have different etymologies. For example, the verb “match” comes from an Old English word that means “equal” or “mate,” whereas the noun “match” comes from a Greek word that meant “lamp wick”: “myxa.” (And the word “myxa,” in turn, was originally “mucus, based on [the] notion of [a] wick dangling from the spout of a lamp like snot from a nostril.” I bet you never thought that word etymology could be so disgusting!) 

Another example is the word “compact.” The noun “compact” (meaning an agreement) comes from the Latin verb “compacisci,” meaning to covenant together. The past tense of this verb was “compactum.” In contrast, the verb “to compact” (meaning to press tightly together) comes from the Latin verb “compingĕre,” which had the same meaning. And the past tense of that verb was “compactus.”

Even some words that seem similar in meaning can have different origins. For example, think of the noun “bow,” as in a bow and arrow, and the verb “bow,” meaning to bend over. Both of these words suggest objects that have a curved shape. But the noun “bow” comes from the Old English word “boga,” referring to an archery bow...

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How to Survive as a Night Owl in a 9-to-5 World

Would you rather watch a sunrise, or count the midnight stars? Do you have your creative energy and optimistic zeal when you pop out of bed in the morning, or when everyone else has gone to bed for the night? Or how about this—if you had to wake up at 6:00am, would you look and feel more like Mary Poppins or Oscar the Grouch? 

Your answers will depend on your chronotype, a biologically hardwired tendency for your body and brain to function best at certain times of day. Most of you are somewhere in the middle—you don’t love waking up at 5:00 a.m. for a run, but you’re not the type to be buzzing with energy after midnight either. But many of us have more obviously advanced or delayed chronotypes. That is, we could be extreme morning larks or night owls.

Why Do Night Owls Have a Bad Reputation?

I’m personally a night owl. Back in college, I never signed up for classes starting before 10:00 a.m. and I could comfortably stay up past 2:00 a.m. partying—I mean, studying—without my energy flagging. And there was no problem with that in college! I had no 7:00 a.m. rounds or 8:00 a.m. meetings, so my body and brain could happily live on the schedule they wanted to. But the further I get into my professional career, the more my biology has to cater to the big bad world, which is designed by and for morning people.

I blame Benjamin Franklin. When he said, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise,” he didn’t follow that up with the caveat that this is only true for morning people!

I blame Benjamin Franklin. When he said, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise,” he didn’t follow that up with the caveat that this is only true for morning people! If he were speaking to the rest of us, he should have said, “Staying up, sleeping in, makes you healthy and happy in your own skin.” But unfortunately, his admiration for morningness has contributed to the stereotype that late risers are just lazy or immature.

Night Owl Coping Mechanisms and Health

And it's not only a problem of bad reputation. People with delayed chronotypes (i.e., night owls) are at greater risk for psychiatric disorders, addiction, hypertension, obesity, type 2 diabetes, and even infertility. But this is not because owls are inherently unhealthy. It’s because we are forced to live a life of misalignment—our biology does not match up with our external demands, and this causes us to have less healthy habits for maintaining our biological clocks. For example, if you’re a delayed chronotype person, I bet you sleep in on weekends. You try to go to...

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4 Ways to Save Gross Sponges

Easy DIY Sponge Holder

Did you know that binder clips can also be turned into savvy sponge savers in your kitchen? Instead of placing a used sponge on the rim of your sink, where it’ll cultivate yucky mildew and mold build-up, set the sponge between the upright prongs of a binder clip so it stands straight up.

Salt Water Revival

There’s no need to throw out your stinky, old sponges—saltwater can make them like new again! Just fill a bowl with cold water, then add 3 tablespoons of salt and stir to dissolve. Then add the sponge and let sit overnight. The salt will kill off the bacteria and your sponge will be as good as new tomorrow!

Run Sponges Through the Dishwasher

As we told you in our post about dishwasher hacks, running kitchen sponges and brushes through the dishwasher is an easy way to keep them clean on a regular basis! Just squeeze out any dishwashing liquid that’s in the sponge, then add it to the utensil compartment of your dishwasher with a load of dishes once a week. This will ward off any bacteria and mildew that may be forming in the sponge before it starts!

Quick Sponge Disinfectant

Here’s another easy way to quickly kill the dangerous bacteria that make a home in your kitchen sponge. Wring it out, then microwave on high for 30–60 seconds. (Don’t nuke a dry sponge, or it might ignite!) The mild radiation from the microwave kills the bacteria and makes your sponge safe again.

For more cleaning tips for around the house, check out our Cleaning Tips board on Pinterest. And don’t forget to sign up for our newsletter and follow us on Facebook and Instagram!

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.

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Working Remotely: Tips for Team Communication

One of the best things about today’s modern technology is the ability to work from pretty much anywhere in the world and still be connected to your colleagues. Workers no longer are restricted to offices or hotel business centers to accomplish their tasks and remain in the game. As long as you have an internet connection, you’re set!  

Yet communication can still be tough to maintain. There are any number of factors that play into this—time zone differences, distractions at home, illness, and even just plain old forgetfulness.  Here’s a list of tips and tricks to help you stay in touch with your colleagues no matter what challenges you encounter!  

• Schedule communication
• Project management services
• Buddy up
• Connect and create community 

Schedule Communication with Cloud-Based Services

Cloud-based services vary in complexity, but they can be as simple as using a shared doc. This type of tool allows you to collaborate in the moment because you can see editing happening in real time. Supplement that with chat and video services to greatly improve communication in a personal and immediate manner.  

The quickest and easiest way to work on projects while remote is by using a cloud-based service like Dropbox. Sharing files with a service like Dropbox helps you monitor versions and updates anywhere you go. Use Dropbox to store, send and share large files that are too bulky for email and to promote collaboration through interactive commentary.  

All of the work is easy to organize and progress is easy to track. Nobody has to hunt through messages or wade through pools of folders to locate the correct files. Any type of file is readily available and usable no matter what type of computer or technology the collaborators are using....

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401(k) vs. IRA - Should You Pick One or Have Both Retirement Accounts?

Using one or more retirement accounts is one of the best ways to save more money and cut your taxes. But these special, tax-advantaged accounts can also be confusing because they come loaded with rules created by the IRS.

A common question is whether you can or should contribute to both a 401(k) and an IRA. In some cases, having more than one retirement account changes the benefits you receive. So, no matter whether you work for a company that offers a 401(k) or you’re self-employed with a solo 401(k) or a SEP-IRA, it can be a dilemma.

Leveraging a variety of options simultaneously allows you to invest as much as possible, but there are critical pitfalls to avoid. I’ll help you understand the advantages and disadvantages of contributing to multiple types of retirement accounts in the same year.

Can You Contribute to a 401(k) and an IRA in the Same Year?

Many people don’t realize that you can contribute to a 401(k) or a 403(b) and an IRA in the same year. For 2019, you’re allowed to contribute up to $19,000, or $25,000 if you’re over age 50, to most types of workplace retirement accounts.

The IRA contribution limits are $6,000 for either a traditional IRA, a Roth IRA, or a combination of both. And if you’re over 50, you can contribute an additional $1,000, for a total of $7,000.

In theory, you could max out both accounts by contributing a total of $25,000 ($19,000 plus $6,000) if you’re younger than 50. If you’re older, you could save up to $32,000 ($25,000 plus $7,000). 

In general, you must have earned income to qualify for an IRA, and you can’t contribute more than you earn for the year. But if you’re married and file taxes jointly and one of you doesn’t work, the working spouse can make contributions on behalf of the non-working spouse.

See also: How to Make Kids Rich by Investing in an IRA

How to Choose Between a Traditional and a Roth Retirement Account

If you have access to a traditional or a Roth 401(k) at work and are considering making contributions to a traditional or Roth IRA, which type(s) should you choose? What’s best for you depends on various factors, such as:...

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Swiping, Ghosting, Tinderella, and Phubbing: Relationships in the Age of Technology

In honor of launching our new podcast, Relationship Doctor, and his episode about three ways technology can ruin your relationships, I have the run-down on a few words related to online dating.

Swipe Right

First is “swipe right.” This phrase originally came from the dating app called Tinder because in the app, your swipe right on a profile to show you like that person. Your hottie isn’t notified that you’ve swiped right unless they have swiped right on you too, and then it’s a match. But unless you are both feeling good about each other, swiping right just tells the algorithm “I like this person” or maybe more generally “This is the kind of person I like; show me more like this.”

But “swipe right” has moved beyond dating both in apps and in real life, and people now use it more generally to say they like something. For example, you might see a hot fudge sundae and say, “I’d swipe right on that.” 

It’s not in the major serious dictionaries yet, but it’s been in Urban Dictionary since 2014.

Not surprisingly, “swipe left” means the opposite. You swipe left to say you’re not interested in someone on Tinder, and you can use “swipe left” as slang to say you don’t like something. 

Ghosting

Ghosting isn’t a new behavior, but technology makes it easier…or maybe harder.

Ghosting is when someone you’re dating cuts off communication and disappears, like a ghost. I got ghosted in college, but there wasn’t a verb for it back then. 

Today, when it’s so much easier to be in touch—when everyone is just a text message away—there’s really no denying that you’re being avoided. You can’t just say, “Maybe his roommate didn’t give him my message,” or “Maybe her answering machine is broken.” If someone is suddenly unavailable in every way, you’ve been ghosted.

The English word “ghost” is quite old and is one of the words that goes all the way back to Proto-Indo-European so has similar words in related language. We get the noun “ghost” from the Old English word “gast.” But according to Etymonline, it also existed in Old Saxon (“gest”), Old Frisian (“jest”), Middle Dutch (“gheest”), Dutch (“geest”), and German (“...

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How to Pick a Protein Bar

Karen asks: “Is there such a thing as healthy protein bars, or are they just glorified candy bars?” 

When it comes to protein bars, there are scores of choices and new brands appearing weekly. Following are some tips about what to look for and what to avoid when choosing a protein bar.

But first, let’s draw a distinction between a protein bar and an energy bar. These terms are often used interchangeably to refer to any bar-shaped item that's not an actual candy bar. And, to be honest, these terms don’t have any strict definitions. But I think of energy bars as being relatively high in carbohydrates. 

Protein bars versus energy bars

Energy bars were originally designed to provide a portable source of calories, or energy, to fuel physical exertion or exercise. Carbohydrates are more quickly absorbed than fats and proteins, which take longer to digest. In fact, the simpler the carbohydrate, the faster it will be available to the muscles. And another word for simple carbohydrate is sugar. So, in order to provide quick energy during extended exercise, an energy bar is going to be high in sugar.

See also: What to Eat Before, During, and After a Workout

The rest of the time, however, we are we’re usually trying to limit the simple sugars and emphasize complex carbohydrates, instead. So an energy bar isn’t a great choice for a meal replacement.

Protein bars, on the other hand, are lower in carbohydrates and higher in protein. Although this makes them less useful as a source of quick energy during exercise, it makes them a better choice to replace a meal of snack. 

If you need a meal or snack, real food would always be preferable to a highly processed bar.

Protein helps to maintain and build strong muscles and bones. After a hard workout, a combination of protein and carbohydrates can help you recover more quickly. Because it is more slowly digested and absorbed, protein also helps to regulate blood sugar and appetite. 

If you need a meal or snack, real food would always be preferable to a highly processed bar. But if real food simply isn’t available, a protein bar would be a better choice...

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Why Art Deserves a Place in Every Portfolio

Should you make art part of your investment portfolio?

As investors move towards a more holistic wealth management model, diversifying client portfolios with art-related assets is on the rise and adding up, with total U.S. investment in art expected to reach $2.7 trillion by 2026, according to Deloitte's 2017 Art & Finance Report.

Although the art market is starkly different from more traditional asset classes, there's money to be made for those willing to invest.

Although the art market is starkly different from more traditional asset classes, there's money to be made for those willing to invest. According to the 2018 Art 100 Index by Art Market Research, art achieved a 10.6% return in 2018, outpacing all other categories. 

Is art a good investment?

Art makes good sense as an investment, and most wealth managers agree. In fact, 88% of wealth managers think that art should be a wealth offering. However, only 11% of wealth managers surveyed offer an art investment fund product in-house. This is in part due to the lack of transparency of the art market. 

But, times are changing, and so is the opportunity to invest in art. Here’s what anyone considering adding art as an investment should know.  

Art can protect assets amidst economic woes. Between 1974 and 1981, the British Rail Pension Fund invested roughly 3 percent of its holding, or about $70 million, into fine art and collectibles in an effort to diversify its portfolio and hedge against inflation. It did so successfully, strategically buying and selling artwork, generating as much as $65.6 million in just one night in 1989 (in addition to $48 million in previous sales). More than three decades later, the risk associated with traditional assets, per the S&P 500 bond index, is enhancing art’s appeal as an investment, which can offer stability in the case of an economic downturn. 

Art can protect assets amidst economic woes.

But not all art is the same. Generally speaking, old-world art is the safest bet while trendier modern-day works...

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5 Surprising Ways to Ward Off Wrinkles

Papaya for Your Skin

Papaya is great for preventing and treating wrinkles, thanks to its powerful combo of skin-boosting antioxidants and papain, an enzyme that helps exfoliate skin. You can simply mash up the soft, cool pulp and apply it directly to your face, or you can stir in a tablespoon or so of sugar to boost the exfoliating power. Leave on for 10 minutes, then rinse with cool water for instantly younger looking skin. Follow up with a gentle facial moisturizer.

Work Out Your Eyes and Cheeks

Doing facial exercises can keep your skin looking fresh and young. Begin with this exercise for tired eyes: Simply look up and down with your eyes closed. Then move on to massaging your temples, which not only feels nice, but also helps relieve headache tension and can help prevent wrinkles. Pulling your skin from the eyebrows outward is also a good way to ward off wrinkles. Exercise your cheeks by rubbing them in circles, chewing gum, and blowing on an instrument or into a straw.

Work Out Your Chin

To tighten a wobbly chin area, push your lips tightly together and make a wide grimace to contract your lower facial muscles. Hold for three seconds. Repeat 20 times each day.

Anti-Wrinkle Moisturizer

You’ll love this DIY moisturizer that helps get rid of wrinkles. Mix together a quarter cup of honey and one to two tablespoons of milk. Spread the mixture on your face, and leave for 10 minutes. Rinse well with warm water.

Honey and Lemon Juice Moisturizer

Here’s another great moisturizer you can make at home. In a small bowl, mix together two teaspoons of honey, two teaspoons of castor oil, and one teaspoon of lemon juice. Massage into the face and neck, and leave on for five minutes. Rinse with warm water, and enjoy younger-looking skin!

See also: 18 Natural Remedies to Get Rid of Acne and Pimples

For more beauty tips, check out our Health and Beauty Tips board on Pinterest. And don't forget to sign up for our newsletter and follow us on Facebook and ...

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Should You Be Going Barefoot More Often?

A while ago I wrote an article called How to Build Strong and Pain Free Feet that really resonated with a lot of people. Apparently, foot pain is even more of a problem than I thought. Is going barefoot more often one possible remedy?

In my article, I mentioned that although most shoes are specifically designed for various aspects of athletic performance, general protection, correcting footfall, and lookin' good, many of them do not manage to avoid some very important factors:

• Toe-boxes that press your toes together, weakening foot muscles and weakening nerves
• Thick soles that reduce sensory input in the nerves in the feet
• Elevated heels that limit the foot and ankle's proper range of motion
• Built-up arches that do the work your natural arch muscles and ligaments should be doing

I linked to lots of research in my article, and the evidence is still piling up. According to a new study of shod and unshod walkers in the Journal Nature, wearing shoes when we walk is changing how our feet interact with the ground below us. No matter how big our foot callouses get, shoes are still causing more issues than we imagined. 

My guest, Galahad Clark, noticed these issues. It's why he created a line of barefoot-style shoes (I'm a proud owner—check out the Magna Trail shoes). It is also why he created the mini-documentary called Shoespiracy. After I watched the documentary, and had a lovely old biomechanical geek-fest with Galahad about foot health, I invited him on the podcast to fill us in on when, why, and how often we should be spending more time barefoot.

Interview: The Benefits of Going Barefoot

Below is a transcript of the interview. But, as with all my podcasts, I encourage you to listen to the audio. Not only does Galahad have a lovely accent, but you really miss out on the nuance of the conversation if you only read it. You have been warned—hah! 

Brock: Galahad, I know you've got an interesting background, a family history of shoemakers or cobblers. So, I'll let you take it away.

Galahad: Yeah. Hi, my name is Galahad Clark. I'm the CEO and founder of Vivobarefoot. I come from a long line of cobblers. Specifically, seven generations that have been making shoes in the southwest of England for all that time.

It was actually a childhood friend of mine, who came from the same little village where I grew up...

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Use Michael Port’s Technique to Rock Your Persuasive Presentations

How do you give a persuasive presentation and, ultimately, get your way? I was fortunate enough to track down the amazing Michael Port, author of Steal the Show and Book Yourself Solid, for an interview in which he shared some great tips about how he teaches corporate clients to create compelling pitches.

Claire, the landscape architect for Grandma Cuddles Day Care, has a great idea! She believes that beautifully styled ponds, a decorative hedge maze, and a few strategically placed Audrey II carnivorous plants can keep the little kiddies happily inside the grounds without the current eyesore of concrete walls, barbed wire, and guard towers. (Never mind the noise from the graffiti removal squad. They use abrasive sandblasting hoses! It makes it hard to nap).

If she simply presents her new plan for the Center, she’ll be laughed out of the room. Or worse. Grandma is known to be enthusiastic about letting her little charges know who’s boss.

She can make her pitch most effective by including five major elements.

#1 - Identify Your Big Idea

Every pitch needs to have a big idea. On the one hand, this sounds obvious. On the other, it may not come naturally.

Claire is thinking of all the details of her new landscape. However, if she launches directly into the details, no one will have any idea where she’s going. Each member of her audience will latch on to one element. “Claire wants ponds everywhere! This isn’t Sea World!” or “Think of all the business we’ll lose from the barbed wire manufacturers! Say no to Claire’s eco-terrorism!”

In business, the big idea will usually have implications for action.

Instead, Claire needs to summarize her plan in a single sentence. That’s how she gets her big idea. “It’s time to bring the Grandma Cuddles campus from Third Reich Brutalist into a modern landscape reflecting the joy we feel when we know everything is under control. Our control.”

In business, the big idea...

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What Do Cashews, Mangos, and Poison Ivy Have in Common?

Avid listeners of this podcast may recall my past revelations that I have a super power. When I encounter poison ivy or poison oak, even in the tiniest amount, my body’s immune system explodes in a systemic reaction, creating a situation that requires fast treatment. It’s itchy, uncomfortable, and I’ve spent many sleepless weeks on steroids trying to keep the rash at bay. 

Well, stop rolling around in poison ivy, you might be thinking. I wish! Unfortunately, for me, it’s usually my dog that frolicks in the plant. Dogs do not react to the plant’s oils, so she carries on none the wiser but brings the oils to me. 

In one instance, however, I broke out in a poison ivy-type rash after visiting a friend in downtown Los Angeles and my dog was nowhere in sight. This was a bit much, even for me. I think I saw one tree the entire time, and it certainly wasn’t hosting a nefarious vine. So, how was that possible? It was then that I learned—the hard way—that poison ivy is just one member of a family of trees, the anacardiaceae family, that can carry an oily irritant that causes a rash.

You see, my friend had cooked for me a popular meal from her homeland of Trinidad, which was full of delicious, fresh mango. Mango, it turns out, is also a member of the anacardiaceae family.

What is the difference between poison ivy, poison sumac, and poison oak?

The anacardiaceae family of trees, sometimes called the cashew family, includes mango, poison ivy, poison oak, sumac, Peruvian pepper, pistachio, and you guessed it, cashews. They all contain urushiol, the sneaky oil that causes the skin to erupt in rashes for some people and is the bane of my existence, but to varying degrees. The oil is found in all parts of the plant, including the leaves, stems, and even the roots. 

The anacardiaceae family of trees, sometimes called the cashew family, includes mango, poison ivy, poison oak, sumac, Peruvian pepper, pistachio, and you guessed it, cashews.

Urushiol is the reason cashews are never sold in the shell and are typically roasted. The oil is found on the outer shell (similar to mangos, where it’s found on the skin) and roasting the cashews at high temperatures can kill any remaining oil that makes its way through to the nut. The Center for Disease Control published a report in 1982 about a batch of  >7500 bags of shell-contaminated cashews being sold in Pennsylvania and Maryland, mostly as part of a Little League fundraiser. Around 20 percent of the ...

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What Is Point of View

 

What Is Point of View

What is "point of view"? For fans of the book “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” let’s think of point of view (POV) as the Babel fish of literature. It is a universal translator turning your brainwaves into the perspective through which your readers will understand your story. Luckily it isn't wet, it isn't slimy, and you really don't have to stick it in your ear.

There are three main points of view that you can use, all with different strengths and weaknesses.

First Person

First person: I rock. We rock.

In first person, past tense, the problem is time. The story is told from some indefinite point in the future looking backward, and the viewpoint character already knows how everything turns out. A character using first person, past tense, would say something like “I reached for his arm three seconds too late.”

The creation of present tense was a solution to bridge that gap, because storytellers and readers both crave immediacy. But, since many readers are turned off by first person, and even more by present tense, it didn't work so well. That is why third person limited with deep penetration is the most popular way to tell a story these days, but more on that in a moment.

First person limits you to only what the viewpoint character can sense, feel, and think, but it creates deep intimacy. One of the best reasons to use first person is it allows us to see from a total stranger's eyes for a time.

Unreliable Narrators

First person is generally thought to be the most difficult point of view to do well.

It also offers the opportunity to play with your readers. As an author, you have to know your character inside and out. You know what your character would exaggerate, tell truthfully, hesitate over, and even leave out. An unreliable narrator lies to your readers. Is that okay? Absolutely, as long as your readers understand that the character is a liar, and they’re given the chance to figure out what is and isn't a lie.

First person is generally the go-to for beginning writers. It seems so easy, as if it would flow like water . . . but it is widely understood by experienced writers to be the most difficult point of view to do well.

Great examples of popular first person books are Suzanne Collins' “Hunger Games” series, and Stephenie Meyer's “Twilight” series.

Second Person

Second person: You rock. Y’all rock.

Most stories, fiction and non-fiction, are written in first or third person. How-to books, on the other hand, are often written in second person. Consider cook books. Recipes are invariably...

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Three Ways to Save Your Relationship from Technology

Americans now spend an average of 3-4 hours a day on their mobile phones. For most of us, that includes almost 2 hours a day on Facebook, YouTube, Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter. 

That’s bad news for intimate partner relationships, as just about everyone has noticed by now. There’s even a new word—“phubbing”—which is a mashup between “phone” and “snubbing.”  Phubbing is what happens when someone you’re with gets so involved with their smartphone that you feel they’re no longer really paying attention. 

If you’re like most people these days, you’ve probably endured a fair amount of phubbing by people close to you. You’ve probably done your share of it, too. 

Why Does Using Social Media Feel Good?

Social media consumes lots of time. But there’s something even more important that makes Facebook and other sites particularly hazardous to intimate relationships. It’s that social media is so narcissistically rewarding. 

I’m not talking about pathological narcissism—you know, people who are really over-the-top in their need for power and control. I’m talking about healthy narcissism—the natural human drive, which we all have, to feel special and important.  

Before social media, the main way most of us got to feel special and important was through our relationships—especially intimate partner relationships. Good relationships make you feel good about yourself. That’s a big part of what keeps a relationship going. 

If you’re like many people these days, you’re probably getting more of your healthy narcissistic needs satisfied by your electronic devices than by the people in your life.

But unfortunately, if you’re like many people these days, you’re probably getting more of your healthy narcissistic needs satisfied by your electronic devices than by the people in your life.  The makers of consumer products have always been good at making you feel special. But electronics and social media take this to a whole new level. 

What’s the solution? It’s not enough just to say, “Put down your phone.” The problem is deeper than that. To really solve the problem, you have to understand the psychology of how digital media really works. 

There are three things that all really successful apps and social media platforms do to get you hooked. They give you lots of attention, they give you a sense of accomplishment, and they make you feel loved. 

Accordingly, there are three things to do if you want to save your relationship from technology. Let’s go through them, one by one. ...

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Do You Know Your Parenting Style?

Did you know that you're likely to have a specific parenting style? The concept of parenting styles was first introduced by Diane Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist, to explain differences in the way parents attempt to control and socialize their children. Our parenting styles vary on several different levels, and sometimes we're swayed by not only how we were raised but by the different trends we follow.

With the new school year just a few weeks away, you're probably stocking up on the essential supplies—# 2 pencils, notebooks, binders, and getting your kid’s wardrobes intact. But there are many other details we need to factor in. The new school year is similar to the new calendar year—a chance for fresh beginnings, exciting new goals, and as parents, a time to assess our parenting styles.

Does one of these styles sound like you? A new school year is the perfect opportunity to review how you tend to parent and to do a self-study as to whether this is working for you and your family or not. 

Parenting Style #1 - Helicopter Parenting

One of the most popular terms in parenting styles is "helicopter,” and it's probably the one that I relate to least. As a mom, I'm outnumbered eight times over. Five plus years of infertility treatments, one amazing adoption, and seven subsequent pregnancies later, I became the mother of eight kids in less than a decade. That said, because I had such a large brood to love and care for, there was just no way I had the time to hover and oversee my kids' every move.

The characteristics of a helicopter parent boil down to a parent who constantly hovers over their child.

In my episode How to Stop Helicopter Parenting, I explained how this term came to be:

“The term helicopter parent was first coined in a 1969 book titled Between Parent and Child, by Haim Ginott. The teen featured in the book reported that his mother watched over him like a helicopter. Since then, many college administrators have used the term to refer to parents who continue to manage their children's lives from a distance even after they have gone away to college. 

Today, that term is still going strong and is a common parenting style because parents are unsettled about all that is going on in this big world around us, so they hover and try to protect their kids from any and all adversity.”

The characteristics of a helicopter parent basically boil down to a parent who constantly hovers over their child. They monitor them excessively and jump in whenever they see a potential problem. The...

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Writing for Dyslexic Readers

 

Have you ever tried to read something in a foreign language? Maybe some words looked familiar, but it was hard to determine what the sentence meant. Maybe the structure didn’t seem to follow the rules you’re used to. Now, imagine having the same problems reading your native language. Today, we’re going to talk about how to write for a special group of readers: people with dyslexia.

What Is Dyslexia?

Before we get to the writing tips, you first need to know that dyslexia is a learning disability that affects reading. Some people see words or letters jumbled around. They might see "left" as "felt" or the letter "p" as "b." They may not be able to understand jokes or idioms. Some have a hard time following complicated instructions.¹

Dyslexia is not a sign of low intelligence. In fact, some of the most successful people in history were dyslexic, including Albert Einstein, Walt Disney, and Roald Dahl.² Dyslexia can’t be cured, but reading specialists can help people cope with the problem. As a writer, you can help too. Dyslexia isn't the same for everyone, but most experts agree that these small changes can make reading easier for many people who have the condition.

Write Short, Simple Sentences

First, write short, simple sentences. Have you ever read a sentence that was so long, you were lost by the end? Many dyslexic readers have that problem all the time. Keep your sentences brief. Use short words. And use a simple subject-verb-object sentence structure.

Keep your paragraphs short too. Use bulleted lists if it makes sense. If you’re writing a list of instructions, break it down step by step, no matter how simple each step might be.

Avoid Abbreviations

Second, avoid using unnecessary abbreviations. Dyslexic readers have trouble keeping track of abbreviations, and avoiding them is actually a good tip no matter who your readers are. In his book Garner’s Modern American Usage, Bryan Garner says overuse of abbreviations "require[s] the reader to refer constantly to the original uses of terms to grasp the meaning. This kind of writing…is tiresome and inconsiderate…."³

In some cases, however, the long form is awkward, or the abbreviation is more popular than the original term. For example, it’s much easier to talk about a product’s UPC than its universal product code. In such instances, feel free to use the short version.

Emphasize Boldly

Third, use bold face type for emphasis or headings. To people who have dyslexia, underlined or italicized words can look like...

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How to Be Assertive Without Being a Jerk

Do you know how to be assertive? Let's say you’re at Starbucks. You’ve been patiently waiting for 10 minutes in line and you really need that caffeine hit. Then someone cuts right in front of you. Which one is the assertive response? Do you:

• Silently resent them and throw daggers into the back of their head with your eyes,
• Loudly tell them they should be ashamed of themselves and demand their immediate retreat, or
• Make snide comments to your friend, just loudly enough for the offender to hear, about how some people are so entitled?

That was a trick question! None of those responses is assertive.

Silence is passive. Public shaming is aggressive. Throwing eye daggers and making snide remarks are passive-aggressive, the worst of both worlds. Some of these methods might get you what you want—closer to your coffee—but at the cost of not being very gracious.

Maybe you don’t care about being gracious at Starbucks, and that would be a totally okay choice. But sometimes the stakes are even higher than coffee. (That's hard to imagine, I know.)

Let’s say your boss keeps making sexist comments that make you uncomfortable. The wrong reaction could affect your job. When the pressure's on, it’s even harder to walk the line between keeping peace and standing up for yourself.

So what to do when you’re in an awkward or unfair situation and you want to both get what you need and avoid stepping on toes? What if you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or don’t want to be known as the “dramatic one,” but you also want to keep your dignity intact? Be assertive!

Being Assertive Doesn't Mean Being Aggressive

“But wait," you say. "What if I don’t have a very dominant or aggressive personality?”

No problem. You don’t need to dominant or aggressive to be assertive. In fact, being assertive is the opposite of bulldozing others’ opinions. You're not shutting down anyone's right to express themselves, hurting or humiliating them, demanding special treatment, or sticking to your selfish demands no matter what. Being assertive has nothing to do with threatening, coercing, or even raising your voice.

Being assertive means respecting yourself and others.

Being assertive means respecting yourself and others. It means clearly and honestly stating your position or your needs. It means being fair, direct, and open-minded.

Being assertive not only sounds ideal, but it’s also associated with better mental health. A 2013 study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology...

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Eponyms: Words Named After People

An eponym is a word that’s based on a person’s name.

For example, Adolphe Sax was a Belgian instrument maker who brought a new instrument to a Victorian event in 1851 called The Great Exhibition. His main job was making flutes and clarinets, and his invention, which looks like something of a mash-up of those two instruments, was dubbed the “Saxophone.”

Other things that were named after people that you might know about include:

• Braille, the language of raised dots that blind people can use to read, invented by Louis Braille
• Scientific terms like Fahrenheit, Celsius, pasteurize, ampere, ohm, volt, and watt, all named after famous scientists
• Terms we’ve covered before in the podcast or in my books, like guillotine, teddy bear, and bowdlerize.

The guillotine was named after Joseph Guillotin, who was opposed to the death penalty but lobbied for the device to be used for beheadings during the French Revolution because it was more humane. Teddy bears were named after US president Teddy Roosevelt after he refused to shoot a cute, captive bear on a hunting trip. Bowdlerize came from Thomas Bowdler and his sister Harriet, who liked to edit words they found offensive out of Shakespeare's writing.

Today, I have more interesting eponym stories, including stories from our listeners.

Estelle

[From a listener] “Hi. My name is Biddy, and I'm in North Carolina. I have two family words that we've used all our lives. One is “Estelle” as a verb. We had a maid whose name was Estelle. She always like to stack things up to make the room look neat … and my father started asking where something was, and then when he couldn't find it, he would say, “It's been Estelled,” which means the maid hid it in a pile of papers. and my brother actually grew up and became an adult, and he was in college, and he use that verb, and he realized it was just in our family that we used it.”

Cardigan

Here’s one you’...

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6 Ways to Make the Most of Your Fruit

Perking Up Apples

If apples are dry or bland, slice them and put them in a dish, and then pour cold apple juice over them and refrigerate for 30 minutes. OK, so it’s kind of a cheat, but it will ensure picky eaters get their nutrients!

Don’t Let Apples Go to Waste

If you have a bunch of apples that are going to go bad soon, here’s how you can use them up quickly: Cut them into wedges or smaller chunks, dump them in a saucepan, and sauté them in butter over medium heat. When that’s finished, sprinkle a half sugar/half cinnamon mixture on top, and you’ve got a yummy treat that the kids will love. You can even use them as the start of a homemade apple pie!

Pitting Cherries

For a quick and easy way to pit cherries, use a pastry bag tip. Just set the tip on a cutting board with the jagged edge pointed up, then firmly press the cherry down on top of it. Be careful not to cut your fingers!

Chopping Dried Fruits

Raisins and other dried fruits won’t stick to your knife (or anything) if you first soak them in cold water for 10 minutes.

Strawberry Days

Hate the waste of lopping off strawberry stems with a knife but like to serve the delicious summer treats ready-to-eat? Try this: after washing, push the stems out from the bottom up using a plastic straw.

The Brown Bag Trick

Fruit normally gives off ethylene gas, which hastens ripening. Some fruits give off more gas than others and ripen faster. Other fruits are picked before they are ripe and need a bit of help. If an unripe fruit is placed in a brown paper bag, the ethylene gas it gives off does not dissipate into the air but is trapped and concentrated, causing the fruit to ripen faster. To get it to ripen even more quickly, add a ripe apple—one of those ethylene-rich fruits

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7 Money-Saving Tricks at Grocery Stores

Food is essential to our existence. What isn't essential is paying an arm and a leg for our daily bread. Compared to dining out, buying groceries and cooking homemade meals remains a far more affordable way to eat. But grocery shopping can be even more affordable with these tips the next time you find yourself carting down the aisles. 

How to Save Money on Groceries

1. Don’t Dawdle in the Aisles
2. Price Watch
3. Consider the Cost of Convenience
4. Know Your Terminology
5. A Full Mouth Is a Quiet Mouth
6. Go for Day-Olds
7. Break Free from Brands
8. Use a Prepaid Gift Card

Let's explore each tip a little further.

1. Don’t Dawdle in the Aisles

Shop more efficiently at the supermarket by leaving your cart at the end of each aisle. It’s faster because you’ll go directly to what you need and grab it, plus you’ll be less tempted to purchase extras since you won’t be wandering slowly down the aisle with the cart.

2. Price Watch

When you’re at the supermarket, make sure you keep a close watch while your items are being rung up. A recent study found that 10 percent of items are scanned in at the incorrect price.

3. Consider the Cost of Convenience

Remember the cardinal rule when it comes to saving money on food: If it’s “convenient,” it’s probably costly. For example, pickles cut flat for sandwiches, juice in single-serving bottles, pre-shredded cheese, and “baby” carrots. Think carefully about what you’re buying and decide if the convenience is worth the extra cost!

4. Know Your Terminology

When shopping, know your terminology: Only the term “use by” means that you shouldn’t eat the food after the date indicated. “Sell by” dates are only an indication for the store, and foods will usually keep one to two weeks after. “Best before” is only an indication of food quality, not of food safety, so again, your perishables may still be fine to eat.

5. A Full Mouth Is a Quiet Mouth

If you find you’re making a lot of impulse purchases at the store because your kids are begging for snack foods, keep them quiet by buying them a package of animal crackers or a similar snack right when you get to the store. Most stores don’t even mind if your kids eat the crackers before you pay...

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