Transitioning from being a parent of one tiny human to being a parent of two can feel overwhelming. There are so many questions about how you’ll make it work just from a logistical standpoint, let alone managing the emotional aspects of the situation. Will your first child feel excluded? Will your affection feel divided? Will your relationship with your partner be negatively affected? Will there be time to take care of yourself in any way? Expecting a second child can be a time of great excitement and anticipation for the adults involved—but how can you prepare a toddler or young child for the arrival of an infant? How do you help them deal with the drastic change of suddenly having to share you with another child?
The temporary—but intense—emotional upheaval that comes with bringing a second child into the family is one of the most common reasons parents reach out for my help. Managing this phase of family development will have its ups and downs, but it doesn’t have to be a source of distress.
Here are some tips for surviving this often turbulent transition with most of your sanity intact:
Preparing for your second child
Reflect on your own feelings and needs
Expecting a second child can be a very happy time for a parent. It can also be a time of chaos for the whole family. There are so many changes on the horizon. The knowledge that the dynamics with your first child will soon shift in permanent ways might spark worries about your older child’s well-being after the baby arrives. Make sure to process these worries with a trusted friend, family, or therapist—even journaling about it can be helpful. It’s normal to have some worries, but it’s also important not to let worry about the future negatively impact your current relationship with your older child or your newborn.
Proactively arrange for protected, non-childcare personal time
So often, once things get busy, you’ll end up doing more thinking about making time for self-care than actually making that time. Think of your future self and do this before you have two kids instead of one! Talk to the people in your community like family members, friends, or a partner about how they can help you make this happen. With a partner, talk about how you might rework your current divisions of home- and child-related tasks to account for two kids. Write these things down—don’t just speak of them in the abstract. Will one of you take the kids to the playground while the other sleeps in? Great—put it on a shared calendar so everyone knows what to expect of the other.
Will a trusted friend or family member hang with the kids for a few hours once a month so that you can have some alone time or a date night? Wonderful—get it on that calendar.
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