A friend, Jim, recently asked me for advice about his relationship. He said his girlfriend broke up with him because she perceived him as too controlling. After putting in some work to try and better himself, he and his girlfriend have decided to try and make it work again. She agreed that he has clearly demonstrated growth and has made an effort to improve, and has decided to give him that second chance.
Jim asked me a question that a lot of have faced in the past: "What's the likelihood that this relationship will last?"
This kind of relationship is called an on-again/off-again relationship, also known as a cyclical relationship. This is when a couple has broken up at least once before and then gets back together. Cyclical relationships are fairly common, with nearly two-thirds of adults in one study indicating that they have experienced an on-again/off-again relationship at least once in their lifetime.
What do we know about on-again/off-again relationships?
The quality of cyclical relationships generally tend to be lower than noncyclical relationships. What does that mean, exactly? People in cyclical relationships report having more conflict and experiencing more aggression from their partner, while also experiencing less validation and understanding from their partner. They also report experiencing less love, sexual satisfaction, and satisfaction of needs like companionship or emotional involvement from their partner. If these couples decide to get married, the lower satisfaction tends to carry over into the marriage as well.
Break-up periods in cyclical relationships ("off-again") tend to last an average of 1-2 months. When couples are off-again, partners take fewer measures to maintain their relationship when compared to couples who break up and don't get back together, even though partners in cyclical relationships...
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