Childlessness: How to Decide if Motherhood Is for You

Today, we are talking about childlessness - the conscious decision made by women to forego having children. To be clear, I am not talking about women who have dealt or are dealing with infertility, but rather about women who view the prospect of motherhood as a choice rather than a predetermined milestone. When we dig into the reasons why this is happening, we see there have been many shifts since American fertility rates were at their peak in the 1950s.

The shift toward increasing childlessness reflects a variety of social trends; these include, but are not limited to, access to contraception and abortion, women’s increased opportunity for education and focus on career growth, and changing attitudes toward mothering. Generally speaking, in my practice as a psychologist, I have seen attitudes toward mothering operate on a continuum. There are women with strong motherhood attitudes, those with strong childfree attitudes, and those somewhere in the middle, who are open to the concept as long as certain contingencies are in place (e.g. stable relationships or financial security).

In this episode we will focus specifically on straight, cisgender women who make the choice not to have children. Research on men and LGBTQ+ individuals' parenting decisions is more scarce. For heterosexual men, it has been noted that some reasons given included loss of freedom and importance of other life goals. While higher levels of education in women is associated with making the choice to be childfree, it was found that men with lower education levels were more likely to make this choice. In general, those who have chosen to be childfree tend to be more politically liberal, less religious, and value independence more highly. In terms of the LGBTQ+ community, please keep in mind that they face additional barriers to being parents. For instance, adoption, finding a surrogate, or donor, and discrimination. Therefore, they may not have freely made the choice to be without children. 

That said, here are four reasons why women are choosing to be childless:

Reason #1: Safer sex and access to abortions

Let’s start with access to contraception and abortions. I'm not trying to draw any lines in the sand here...wait, yes, I am! Myself and anyone associated with my practice is pro-choice. We believe fundamentally that all women should have the freedom to decide if and when they become mothers. There is no universal right answer for anyone, and I help people explore this topic from a non-judgmental position every day. Having access to contraception and to abortions allows women to take control of their sexuality. Removal of these rights can force the hand of the woman and, when given the choice, some women are choosing an...

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