How to Make Life With a 6-Year-Old Easier

Today we're talking about what to expect as kids make their way from age six to age seven.

A newly minted six-year-old’s behaviors may be frustrating to their parents, causing the parent-child relationship to break down. However, having a sense of how a child’s development is impacting them, makes challenging behavior easier to manage. If you think of challenging behavior as the visible tip of an iceberg, what isn’t visible to us underneath the surface tells the whole story.

Of course not every six-year-old will behave in the same way, but knowing the typical patterns of this age means you can be more understanding when your child is loving in one minute and threatening to put you in the garbage the next.

In the book Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant, child development experts Louise Bates Ames and Frances Ilg explain age six as an era of ambivalence; a period when kids have difficulty making decisions and can be demanding and argumentative. They’re becoming the center of their own world and beginning to de-center their parents. They might reject their parents on the one hand and at the same time be desperate for their approval. The desire to be successful at the things they attempt is so strong that they may become dysregulated when they don’t do as well as they’d hoped, or when they aren’t first or best or recognized for their accomplishments.

Insecurity is a theme of the first half of age six, which is why you hear so much boasting and grandstanding at that age, as it helps to bolster their confidence. They have high energy and may make lots of repetitive sounds and movements. They can be bossy and competitive with younger siblings and friends. Emotions are high - and right at the surface - so outbursts can be intense.  Complete collapse can occur over the smallest paper cut. Their favorite pajamas being in the laundry can result in crying of the loud, dejected, and inconsolable kind. A full-on tantrum here and there is not unheard of and sometimes “I hate you!” is thrown around.

But on the other hand, six-year-olds can also be a delight! They can be incredibly warm and affectionate. They’re inquisitive, enthusiastic about learning, and driven to explore and discover new things. They enjoy telling jokes, playing guessing games, and being extremely silly.

Focus on process rather than performance, so kids are motivated to do things because they are fulfilling, instead of just seeking approval for the effort.

8 tips to make life with a six-year-old easier

1. Repair the relationship quickly following a conflict. After the two of you have struggled...

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