5 Ways You Can Support Your Partner

Have you ever felt like your help went unnoticed or was unappreciated by your partner? Likewise, are there times you have felt your partner didn’t do much to help support you during a difficult time?

Feeling supported is a hallmark quality of a good relationship. We want to feel like we're helping our partner through mundane or everyday tasks as well as difficult times, but we also want to feel that our partner is reciprocating.

Sometimes we do things for our partners that help make their day-to-day lives easier but aren’t super obvious. This is called invisible support.

For instance, imagine Mitchell is especially busy at work this week. Cam takes care of all of Mitchell’s usual chores around the house and spends extra time with their daughter, all so Mitchell can be his best at work. By the end of the week, Mitchell’s case at work is complete and the family can have a relaxing weekend. Cam finds himself a little salty though—he made sure everything ran smoothly all week and didn’t even get a “thank you” from Mitchell. This is, in part, because Cam provided invisible support. 

As the name implies, invisible support is not directly noticed or interpreted as support. As in the case of Cam and Mitchell, Cam completed Mitchell’s chores when he was not around, so the house just happened to be clean when he got home from work. Invisible support doesn’t always have to be practical though. Someone might be able to discreetly provide advice, not by directly telling their partner what to do, but by referring to how someone else in a similar situation handled it and how that ended up working out for them. It’s something helpful, but not obvious.

While not being recognized for your help can make you feel like you’re being taken for granted, invisible support may actually be more helpful to your partner than more obvious support.

Past research has shown that receiving more overt forms of support can actually be detrimental to people’s self-image. Some may feel like they are receiving help because they are incompetent and cannot manage what's going on in their life on their own, which in turn may make them feel poorly. They may also feel like they have to “pay back” the support, which may also feel like a burden....

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