Should I Stay or Should I Go? The Investment Model of Relationships

We all have that one friend who constantly complains about their partner, but won’t actually leave the relationship. A perfect example of a relationship that seems obviously flawed to others, but not to the couple themselves comes from The Office. Pam was engaged to Roy for several years, despite not seeming particularly happy in the relationship. Why did she stay with him for so long? What might she have been considering when choosing to stay? The Investment Model of relationships can help us answer these questions.

The Investment Model of Relationships

In the Investment Model, an individual’s commitment to a romantic relationship depends on their relationship satisfaction, how they perceive the quality of alternative romantic partners, and their current size of investment into the relationship.

As you might notice, some of these terms sound like a business transaction. Quality of alternatives can be thought of as opportunity costs—in other words, what potential partners are you missing by staying in the relationship? Size of investment can be thought of as sunk costs—that is, should you stay with someone because you’ve already put in a lot of time, energy, and money into the relationship?

Let’s think back to Pam and Roy, and how each aspect of the Investment Model contributed to Pam staying with Roy (at least for a few seasons):

• Relationship satisfaction: It seems like Pam’s satisfaction in the relationship is quite low. On their first date, Roy and his brother leave Pam at a hockey game when she goes to the bathroom because they forget about her—which is an apt metaphor for the state of their entire relationship. They are engaged for several years, but in spite of Pam's frequent remarks that she expects to be married soon, they never set an actual date. Roy sometimes says insensitive things and isn't supportive of her desire to pursue a career in art which ultimately leads to Pam's dissatisfaction and a desire to leave the relationship. 

• Quality of alternatives: Pam has a crush on her co-worker Jim and there is clearly chemistry between them. Jim is a...

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