Stuck in a Situationship? Here's How to Define the Relationship

In the early stages of a relationship, there usually comes a natural point when both partners feel a desire to have the "what are we?" discussion.

Picture this: you’ve been talking for a while, and you feel like you're compatible. There's chemistry! But maybe you're worried that they're seeing other people, and you want to make sure they know that you want to be exclusive. You feel compelled to "DTR"—define the relationship.

But what happens if the "what are we?" conversation doesn’t happen? Instead of dealing with your feelings, you ignore them and pretend like everything’s fine with this undefined relationship status. You aren’t officially dating, so there might be reciprocated feelings, but you aren’t sure. Eventually, this in-between relationship goes on for so long that the "what are we?" conversation feels risky. 

This undefined relationship is called a situationship, and it is becoming increasingly more common today. According to research from the dating app Hinge, even though 75% of their user base wants to enter a serious relationship, 1 in 3 of their users has found themselves in a situationship in the last year. 

Why are situationships problematic?

Being in an undefined relationship comes with a lot of psychological difficulties, mostly because you're feeling anxious or uncertain about where you stand with your partner.

Research has found that increased uncertainty in a relationship can be associated with feelings of stress, increased instances of conflict, more negative perceptions of the other person's behaviors, increased feelings of jealousy, and an increased likelihood that the other person will violate the expectations you have for the relationship. All of this together is likely to lead to more negative emotions and a higher likelihood that your relationship will end.

Part of what complicates a situationship is that you aren’t able to express your concerns about the relationship to your partner because you aren't truly held to the rules of a committed dating relationship. In a committed relationship, you can work together to deal with...

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