Have you ever worried about your safety? Missed potential red flags with a new partner? Been the victim of a con? Today we will address warning signs of a potential predator.
The #metoo movement has been in the news lately with the release of Bill Cosby and New York City Governor Andrew Cuomo resigning his position after an investigation confirmed sexual harassment. It's something that came up with many of my patients since the topic of victimization is, unfortunately, commonplace in my work as a psychologist. While much of what I do is dealing with the aftermath of trauma, I think it's also important to help others avoid these circumstances whenever possible. I wish we could live in a world where there weren’t folks looking to do harm, but that's unrealistic. I also want to be clear that being the victim of a predator is never your fault; however, being aware of potential warning signs can be one way we arm ourselves against those who have a mind for malice.
Trust Your Gut
Many of us don't trust our "gut," or intuition, because of past experiences, general self-doubt, or agreed-upon social norms. Well, I’m here to tell you that gut health is about more than probiotics. In a mental health context, we can train our gut through the use of mindfulness to generate more situational awareness.
The first step is to throw out your preconceived notions of what a predator looks like. We know from news reports and documentaries that many predators come from "good families," whatever that means, or appear to be "nice." Now, I don't want you to leave this podcast being paranoid about everyone you encounter. What I do want you to do is use your mindfulness skills to be curious about your environment and the people around you, and use it to tune into your gut or intuition about your experience. Not all masks are worn by criminals, and not all sweaters are worn by Mr. Rogers.
I will be using gendered language in this scenario. Most often I will use the pronoun "he" for the perpetrator and "she" for the victim. The rationale for this is that these kinds of crimes are overwhelmingly committed by men. However, these strategies could be used by any gender, and all genders can be victimized.
Gavin de Becker is an author and security expert. He wrote The Gift of Fear, which outlines what he calls Pre-Incident Indicators, or PINS. PINS are early warning signs that someone is possibly up to no good. Examples can include a con artist, or someone who intends to physically assault, kidnap, sexually harass, or sexually...
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