Hi and welcome to the Project Parenthood podcast! I’m Dr. Nanika Coor, a clinical psychologist and respectful parenting therapist. This podcast is for parents who want to experience more peace, connection, ease, flexibility, and fun with their kids, and have less conflict and struggle in their relationships with their children - no matter how old they are.
Before becoming a parent, I once had an unfortunate incident with a friend’s child. Without meaning to, I came off more harshly than I’d intended and that moment of seeing the little girl's face painted with fear, well, it really stuck with me.
Wanting to be a parent someday, I went seeking answers to the question: How do you control children without scaring children?
What I found blew my mind and changed the course of my career. A foundational principle of respectful parenting is that control is not the goal. Instead you choose collaboration borne out of mutual respect. I was also surprised to learn that you can start creating that environment of mutual respect right from the start of a baby’s life. It’s easy to find information about how to “manage” babies in terms of feeding, diapering, getting them to sleep, and settling them down. But beyond these basic needs, you can actually start building a relationship with your baby as soon as they’re born. And this relationship will become the foundation for lifelong mutual respect.
Here are five ways to build your bond:
Tip #1: Show respect for babies’ body autonomy
Magda Gerber, creator of the respectful caregiving approach Resources for Infant Educarers, commonly known as RIE (pronounced “rye”), was a parent and caregiver educator, infant specialist, and author of the book, Your Self-Confident Baby. She encouraged parents to prioritize the caregiver-child relationship by showing respect for babies in all of their interactions.
The first way parents can build a connection is by being mindful of their baby’s body autonomy. Tell your baby what you are about to do with their body before you do it, wait a moment for them to take in the information, and then proceed with the caregiving task. When starting the day, you might say, “Good morning, little one! It’s time to get out of the crib. I’m going to pick you up now...ready? Here we go.” This sows seeds for the concept of consent down the line, and makes it clear that the child has a say in what happens to their body.
This sows seeds for the concept of consent down the line, and makes it clear that the child has a say in what happens to their body.
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