Minggu, 13 November 2016

How to Teach Your Child to Be a Gracious Loser

There are dozens of lessons we as parents want to teach our children before they leave the nest, and in light of the recent Presidential Election, one big one that comes to mind is how to be a gracious loser. I’m not referring to the Democratic nominee, Hillary Clinton, I’m referring to the people in this country who didn't have the result they'd hoped for.

You’ve heard it before: winning isn’t everything, but something equally as important is teaching the lesson that we don’t have to be sore losers, no matter what. As our country tries to repair the many painful rifts that have resulted over the outcome of this election, now is a great reminder on how we can teach our children how to be gracious losers. Mighty Mommy shares five tips to consider the next time your child doesn’t come up with a win.

Tip #1:  Be a Winning Role Model

I know I’ve touted this tip over and over again, but the reason I am so adamant about stressing the importance of being a good role model for your kids is because they truly do watch every move we make.  Millions of people were very disappointed in the outcome of this election, but there were also millions who were happy.  Regardless of whether your candidate won or lost, how you choose to share your feelings in front of your kids can make a huge difference in how they will react when something similar happens in their lives. Maintain your self control and learn to hold your tongue if things don’t go your way. Sure it’s ok to express your disappointment if your choice for President didn’t play out as you had hoped, but screaming at the TV, stomping around the house in a fury, and spouting off that you can’t believe how many morons voted for the opposite candidate only signals to your child that this behavior is perfectly acceptable. 

Instead, model how to take the high road when someone or something you believe in doesn’t play out as you had hoped. “I’m so disappointed that Hillary Clinton didn’t get elected to become our next President because I really believe she would’ve done an outstanding job for our country. We’ll have to see what our new President has in store for America. The United States is such a great place to live—we’re lucky we have the right to vote.”  (Then sneak off and cry or gloat in private!)

Tip #2:  Always Congratulate the Winner

Though it’s truly not easy, whenever a loss occurs the first step in the right direction is to offer your congratulations to the winner.  Many school and organized sports teams have the losing team offer a high-five of congrats to the winning team.  This is great practice for other areas of winning and losing in life. By initiating a genuine (or as close as we can muster) token of congratulations to the winner, we acknowledge that someone else was able to complete the game or task a bit better than we could (this time!) and it shows maturity on our part and respect for the other person as well as honoring their accomplishment.  See Also:  5 Ways to Speak Positively to Children

Tip #3   Learn to Accept We Don’t Always Win

You win some, you lose some—that truly is just part of life. 

Accepting losing isn’t going to be easy, and can be more difficult for others, but when you look at legendary Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s take on the subject he puts it all into perspective. He said “You can’t win unless you learn how to lose.”

It’s up to you how you deal with it. So how about making it into something positive?  See Also:  5 Tips to Help Kids Handle Disappointment


 

Tip #4:  Teach Coping Skills

Sore losers often react in angry fits of rage such as spouting off hurtful remarks about the situation or even physically throwing things to express how upset they are at the outcome.

Kids need to know how to react in a calm, peaceful matter when they lose at something or witness a loss that they are passionate about. If we teach our kids calming, coping skills that they can rely on when something disappointing like losing a game or a job promotion to a peer happens, they need to have a coping mechanism to rely on.

Teach your kid to take a few slow, deep breaths or count backwards from 10 when she starts to feel upset. Let her know you’re available to talk through how she feels about losing the game or race once she has calmed down.

Teach him that feeling angry is OK but hurting people verbally or physically is absolutely unacceptable no matter what.  Invest time and energy into teaching your child different coping skills early and often so that as they grow into their pre-teen and young adult years they will have their very own toolkit for when things don’t go their way.

They need to know it’s not the end of the world to 'let it all out.'

Tip #5:  Talk about Feelings   

It’s OK to be upset after a loss. Hillary Clinton poignantly mentioned this in her condolence speech which was watched by millions of people across the world. In her speech, which was highlighted by the New York Times, she acknowledged that after a long campaign, the loss cuts deep. Secretary of State Clinton said, “This is painful, and it will be for a long time.” 

Our kids need to realize that the feelings of losing something really important can be extremely painful, and that’s absolutely OK. They need to know it’s not the end of the world to “let it all out.” For some people, dealing with loss means screaming into a pillow, or going to the gym and taking it out on a punching bag. For others it’s shutting down temporarily and keeping a distance from others until the sadness feels more manageable.  When one of my kids is dealing with a difficult loss, I remind them it’s perfectly normal to feel this way and they need to find a way to release the pain and let it all out. This may mean having a good cry, punching a pillow, or taking a long walk all alone.  

It’s important for our kids to know that although it’s OK to have some time to grieve the loss, it needs to be done in a healthy way. Turning to anything that might result in harm to yourself such alcohol or drugs is the cowardly way out. Loss isn't about inflicting harm or making things worse. It’s a time to reflect on what could be improved upon and learning to cope with the disappointment so perhaps the next time this type of situation arises—you’ll have a smarter understanding on how to graciously accept a loss and humbly acknowledge a win.

How do you help your kids deal with losing? Share your thoughts in the Comments section at http://ift.tt/1wBcPAN, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Also visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5.

Be sure to sign up for the upcoming Mighty Mommy newsletterchock full of practical advice to make your parenting life easier and more enjoyable.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.



Tidak ada komentar:

Posting Komentar