6 Steps to a Successful Bedtime Routine

Raising 8 kids over the past 20 years has been amazing, exhausting, surprising, and everything in between.  I’ve learned plenty from trial and error and the best teacher has ultimately been experience.   

My first podcast episode as Mighty Mommy was called, How Routines Will Simplify Your Life. It remains one of the most popular episodes I’ve ever done. I’m not surprised. Without question my sanity and my family’s overall well-being would not be as strong if not for the structure of routine – and I’m clearly not the only one for whom this is true.

When I’m asked what routines are the most sacred, I hesitate to recommend one over another. But while they’re all important, I think a solid bedtime routine, no matter how old your kids are, is definitely worth its weight in gold.

Whether you have tiny tots or temperamental teens, here are Mighty Mommy’s 6 tips for establishing a successful bedtime routine for the entire family.

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Tip #1: Know How Much Sleep Your Family Needs

There are plenty of jokes about sleep being overrated, but the fact is that the majority of us and our children do not catch enough zzz’s every night.  According to the National Sleep Foundation, newborns should sleep 12 to 18 hours out of every 24 (as every new parent hopes). This amount is gradually reduced as kids get older.

Toddlers under age 3 need to 12-14 hours of sleep, preschoolers between ages 3 and 5 need 11-13 hours, and schoolchildren ages 5 to 10 need 10 to 11 hours per night. Teens need about 9 ¼ hours of sleep each night to function best, but most teens don’t get nearly that much.

See also: 5 Ways to Help Your Family Sleep Better

 

Knowing how much sleep your family needs is a great place to start when implementing a successful bedtime routine because depending on your child's age, you can gauge what time they should be going to bed and organize your routine from there.

Tip #2: Select a Bedtime and Work Backwards

As I recommended in the episode How Routines Will Simplify Your Life, start by selecting the bedtime you wish to establish and work backwards. If you decide 7:30pm is when you want your toddler to go to bed, figure that you will want to get started an hour before the bedtime. At 6:30pm give a gentle reminder that bedtime will be happening in about an hour and that all activities need to come to an end. A few minutes later announce “clean up” time and get your kids in the habit of picking up the playroom before they go to bed.

If they are school-aged, establish a routine for getting their outfits, backpacks, snacks or lunches for the next day ready the night before. Next, oversee teeth brushing, going to the bathroom, PJs, and then you can have some quiet time together reading their favorite bedtime story or just snuggling and talking. When younger kids have your undivided attention at the end of their long day, it gives them a sense of security that all is right in the world.

Likewise, with older children, decide on a bedtime for school nights and plan backwards from there. If bedtime for your 15-year-old is 10pm, homework, outfits, lunches, showers, personal care, and cleaning up their bedroom (no, I’m not kidding—even if they put some of their clothes away it’s a help), that should all be done by 9:30pm.

Your teens need your attention before bedtime as well. Although you may not be reading to them any longer, you should try and get them to talk about their day, what happened in band or sports practice, or anything else that they may want to discuss. If you get into the routine of connecting with them on a very regular basis, they’ll know they can count on you when they really need to talk about something important.

Tip #3: Build in Comfort Rituals

Routines are important because they build a structure into various parts of your family’s day. While they’ll never admit it, kids really do crave schedules and structure because that way they know what to expect. A predictable routine allows children to feel safe and to develop a sense of control in their lives. A large part of a successful routine is consistency. 

Another important key is building in comfort rituals that will help your child feel safe and secure, especially at bedtime. You know your child best, so pick one or two things that you know help your child relax and build those into his/her bedtime routine. 

For example, my youngest daughter has two favorite stuffed animals that are her security blanket when she goes to sleep.  She’s now 9 years old, but since she was a toddler we made sure her two adored friends, a stuffed giraffe and the teddy bear she’s had since birth, are right with her when she’s getting her PJs on and then for story time. 

She’s always felt safe with these two trusted companions and was able to fall asleep on her own easily because they’ve always been part of the routine.  Another of our kids routinely has a glass of milk before brushing his teeth.  He’s 17 now and still does this as part of his bedtime ritual, even when he’s not at home.

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Tip #4: Power Down

When you have younger kids, it’s easier to turn off electronics a couple of hours before bedtime because you have them engaged with bath time, brushing their teeth, and then snuggling in to read a favorite bedtime story. As our kids get older, however, powering down their electrical gadgets can be a struggle, especially because so many tweens and teens rely on these devices to help with homework as well as to stay connected with their friends.

See also: Kids and Technology

 

As mentioned in my episode, 5 Ways to Help Your Family Sleep Better, a good way to manage this is to sit your teenagers down and collectively agree on a reasonable time when your house will go into "quiet mode." You can adjust this to work with your kids' ages. In our family of mostly teens, we decided that TV, music, and other electronic gadgets would be turned off by 10pm on weekdays and 11pm on weekends. This took several weeks of consistent attempts, but we're now in the habit of powering off at roughly the same time each evening.

See also: 6 Key Ingredients for a Successful Morning Routine

 

In addition to shutting down our electronics, we've also revamped our evening routine to include getting homework completed, making lunches for the next day, and getting outfits and backpacks ready well before bedtime. This way we can spend some time powering ourselves down before turning in rather than scurrying around like lunatics to get everything done. 

Tip #5: Be Consistent 7 Days a Week

A routine of any kind doesn’t happen overnight, especially if you currently don’t have them in place. Sticking to a set bedtime for kids may be difficult for everyone at first. But you and kids adjust to the schedule, the benefits will be made clear.  A consistent bedtime policy will be easier to enforce and kids’ internal clocks will also adjust to the schedule over time.

If your family is currently winging it every night and your kids are already out of the malleable baby age, it is still possible to implement a bedtime routine. You just have to be realistic about your expectations and don’t get frustrated when after day two, your kids are still trying to run the show and go to bed on their own terms. 

Regardless of your children’s ages, start small. Let your toddler know that you have some fun new plans to get ready for bed. For older kids, explain that you’d like to help them get a better night’s sleep and in order to do that you’ll be “powering down” as a family (see Tip #4).

If you want a bedtime (or any other routine) to be effective, consistency is key, so commit to your plan for the long haul, 7 days a week and you’ll reap the benefits of less-stressful and more restful evenings for years to come. For more great info on establishing habits, check out the Savvy Phycologist’s great advice in her episode How to Make or Break a Habit.

Tip #6: Parents Need a Bedtime Routine, Too

Hey Mom and Dad, kids aren't the only ones who benefit from a good bedtime routine! 

If you are on the go from morning until your exhausted head hits the pillow 12 hours later, you’re not doing yourself or your family any favors.  Try a few of these habits to help you unwind and get a great night’s sleep.

• Get yourself ready for work the night before as part of your bedtime ritual so you won’t be rushed in the morning. If you're a stay-at-home parent, get your work-out clothes ready for the next morning or have your first project for the day organized and ready to go.

• Allow time to wind down and relax about an hour before your scheduled bedtime. Enjoy a warm bath or shower or spend some time reading.

• Avoid working or doing anything physically demanding at least an hour before bed, including exercising.

• Make sure your bedroom is dark, quiet, and a comfortable temperature.

• Keep a gratitude journal and scribble some thoughts in there each night before bed. Think about what you are grateful for that day. This will feed your mind with positive thoughts before you drift off to dreamland.  

See also: 11 Ways to Raise Grateful Kids

 

What kind of bedtime routine works for your family? Share your thoughts in the Comments section at http://ift.tt/1wBcPAN, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Also visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5.

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