Where Should You and Your Partner Spend the Holidays?

The holiday season is meant to be a time filled with joy, friends, family, and good food. In fact, Thanksgiving in particular is one of the happiest days of the year. All of the social rituals and expressed gratitude on that day are linked to reported increased happiness and reduced feelings of stress for 68% of Americans. In the last year in particular, many of us felt the strain of missing out on holiday experiences due to COVID-19. The social connection during this season is something that many people look forward to. 

However, with the holidays comes certain expectations for how people ought to experience each holiday. We feel obligated to see family, to travel long distances, and to celebrate in particular ways. This sense of obligation may lead romantic partners to feel competing ways about how they should be spending each holiday. Do we go to my family or your family? What did we do last year? I don’t like the way your family celebrates this holiday. You don’t want to be interrogated by my nosy Aunt this year. We want to create our own traditions in our own home for the holiday. 

Navigating these competing concerns can be difficult. Whether it’s your first holiday as an official couple or the 15th time you’ve had to decide where to go for Thanksgiving, these decisions may invoke a sense of anxiety or discomfort. This is particularly true for people who have fought about this in prior relationships or in their current relationship during the prior holiday seasons. So, how can we more effectively navigate this?

Navigating milestone conflicts

The holiday season is a set time every year that we can expect to encounter. Research tells us that when an event is associated with recurrent conflict, like fighting with your partner about where you are spending the holidays, it can preemptively produce anxiety or worry in anticipation of that conflict occurring. This worry may spark intrusive, or ruminative, thoughts about the issue and/or your partner. This conflict can feel high stakes and produce overly emotional conversations because they center around meaningful relationships in your life or touchy subjects, like your family, money, or your faith.

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