Blended Family and Step-Children Parenting Tips with Coach Naja Hall

I recently received an email from a stepmother requesting help with handling her step children. Here’s her email (edited for clarity):

“Hi, I am writing you because I honestly don’t know how to handle so many situations with my step children right now. I have 3 step children (all girls ages 8,10,15). Right now I am just referring to the younger two. Our 10 year old is extremely stubborn, always has been, and does not like to do anything that doesn’t benefit her. If you ask her to do anything, I mean anything she says 'NO.'

"Examples…. 'Can you feed the dog?'… Her response: 'Are you going to pay me? Then NO.' ... 'Can you please go get your Grandmother a glass of water?' 'NO.'

"When I grew up we treated adults with respect, and I get no respect from her. It’s not just me, it’s her dad as well. She treats us both the same. She fights with me every time I have to wake her up in the morning. She does not respect that I have to do things on a particular time frame. She can also say very mean things for absolutely no reason and her response when it’s pointed out is 'I was only kidding.'

Our 8 year old says mean things as well—calling people names and just saying ugly things to people. This is on a daily basis for the 8 year old. She has also been saying 'NO' to a lot of things as well. I get that kids will say no to things but this is for everything.

I would love some advice on how to handle them. I hate fighting all the time and I’m willing to listen and try something new because what I’m doing isn’t helping. They all think they are entitled to anything and everything. What can we do?”

I knew just who to go to for help answering this listener: Coach Naja Hall, the founder of the largest blended family community for millennials, Blended and Black. She also runs VIPStepmom.com, a membership community for stepmothers. As a certified coach and educator, and stepmom of 3, she understands that the family is the most influential entity of human development, and her work centers around helping individuals, couples, and families navigate some of life’s toughest transitions. Host of the popular podcast, I Know I’m Crazy with Naja Hall, and author of the Amazon best-selling book series Girl, Bye!, Naja’s life’s work is to teach empathy...

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