How to Cope When Your Child Has a Favorite Parent

Are you a parent who can barely get one second to yourself because your child is constantly following you around? Do they insist that they need you and refuse to accept help or comfort from their other parent?

Do you find yourself having to come to your child’s or your partner’s rescue when the two of them are in yet another conflict where your child is insisting that you do something for them that their other parent is available and capable of doing?

Maybe you’re a parent who is often sent away by your child in favor of their other parent. Your child screams for their other parent to give them a bath, change their diaper, or make their grilled cheese. When your partner has to go out, your child clings to them on the way out and wails for what seems like forever after they leave, refusing to allow you to comfort them in any way. Maybe your child constantly tells you how their other parent does X, Y, or Z better than you?

One of the most common dynamics I see in my practice is the scenario where a toddler or young child shows an extreme preference for one parent over the other. Parents have expressed feelings around this dynamic that span from neutral to hurt to furious to exhausted. The rebuffed parent can feel rejected, excluded, and helpless. The preferred parent can feel like they never get a break from being the go-to parent for both their child and their partner. It feels unsustainable for everyone.

A child’s extreme parental preference can result in a situation where there tends to be one parent longing for more parent-child connection and one parent feeling overloaded with parent-child connection.

A child showing favoritism towards one parent is very common, especially in the toddler years. And the favoritism might switch from one parent to the other and back again. It’s yet another way that some toddlers begin to experiment with being autonomous and asserting themselves.

It can fade out as your child matures or it can be a lasting dynamic if an older child feels they have more in common with one parent or finds it easier to be open with them. I've often heard from teens that they have more in common with or feel more understood by one parent, or that one of their parents is more flexible or responds with more empathy when they make mistakes.

In the little-kid years, however, a child’s extreme parental preference can result in a situation where there tends to be one parent longing for more parent-child connection and one parent feeling overloaded with parent-child connection. So what are good ways to address parent favoritism when it pops up?

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