It’s that time of year again! My parent clients who gather with extended family during the winter holidays are starting to stress out. Folks are either traveling to holiday gatherings or they’re planning and hosting them.
While there are some parents who are fondly looking forward to connecting with family members, others are dreading the less positive aspects of meeting up with far-flung family.
How will your kids manage the different rules in other adults’ homes? What will you do about kiddie cousin conflict, when your sister and brother-in-law tend to use harsh shaming and punishments to "solve" squabbles? How will you deal with the side-eye you get from your own parents when you choose respectful discipline approaches instead? Do you enforce your children’s normal routines from home when the other kids and adults have very different daily rhythms? What if your child isn’t great with transition and change? What if you aren’t great with transitions and change?
The rigamarole of holiday logistics can lead to challenging behavior from both you and your children.
Here are 7 ways to reduce family anxiety during the winter holidays:
1. Prepare for family differences in habits and routines
If you’ll be staying with family, talk with the other adults involved beforehand about general wake times, bedtimes, and eating times. As you begin one task or activity, remind your child of what’s coming up next. “After this card game, we’ll read some books, and then it will be time to help Auntie Jane with dinner.”
Does your child have certain sensory sensitivities and needs? Let your extended family know about these ahead of time and how you plan to handle them. The fewer surprises for everyone, the better.
2. Discuss everyone’s expectations beforehand
Don’t assume that just because you’re family that you’re all on the same page about what day-to-day living looks like. Make sure everyone communicates their hard limits and boundaries before your gathering. Otherwise, you might be unpleasantly surprised to find out that your sibling took for granted that you were buying all of the groceries and doing all of the cooking and cleaning at the vacation rental.
How much togetherness/solitary time does everyone need and how can that be accommodated? How will you handle kid conflicts? If you’re hosting at your place, do your kids need to put away any special toys that they’d prefer no other children play with?
3. Set yourself and your kids up for success
Before embarking on your family’s traditional afternoon nature hike, make sure everyone in your nuclear family has had their biological needs taken care of. A well-fed, well-slept, well-connected kiddo is going to have a much easier time tolerating their baby cousin’s poking and the...
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