8 Ways to Help Your Child Develop Gratitude and Thankfulness

A Project Parenthood listener recently sent me an email requesting some help. Here’s his email (edited for clarity):

Hi Dr. Coor—thanks so much for the podcast, I’ve gotten so many good tips from your episodes that I thought I’d ask your advice on something.

I’m feeling really irritated after having spent a lot of time and energy pulling off a last-minute—and quite successful I might add—outdoor celebration of my child’s 5th birthday yesterday. 

She got a ton of gifts and cards from friends and family during the celebration and seemed to have a great time. There’s just one thing though—I didn’t hear a single thank you from her all day! I was mortified as she opened gift after gift, just tossing them aside before demanding the next one!

I thought we were modeling being grateful. We don’t force her to say “thank you”, but we do say “thank you” to her all the time, and show our genuine appreciation for her when we feel it.  We certainly thanked the gift-givers while she was opening them, but she just didn’t catch on. I’m just not getting how we’re supposed to give and get her material things without her turning out to be completely spoiled.

Is this normal 5yo behavior? Is there something we should be doing or not doing that would encourage more gratitude?

Thanks for your help, and thanks again for all you do!

Well, first I want to say to this parent that it’s such a pleasure to know that the information I’m sharing here has been helpful for you. And I want to acknowledge this parent’s courage in reaching out for help and support. It’s one of the hardest things to do as a parent, even though it’s one of the most important things to do as a parent. It really does take a village to raise a child, and I feel honored to be a part of the proverbial village for all of you listeners!

If you are a listener who’d like my help applying a respectful parenting approach to a parent-child issue you’re having, send me an email at parenthood@quickanddirtytips.com or leave me a voicemail at (646) 926-3243) and let me know if it’s okay to play your message on the show.

Back to this parent’s conundrum.

Out in public—especially in a gift-giving situation—when your child isn’t adhering to societal norms of "manners" and "politeness" it can bring up a lot of shame. Shame, being a particularly vulnerable emotion to experience, can switch your nervous system into fight/flight/freeze survival mode.

With your survival-mode lenses on, everything starts to seem more dangerous. In a split second, you’re on high alert. You judge your...

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