How Do I Remove Myself from Group Texts Without Insulting People?

Have you ever gotten stuck on a very active group text that keeps blowing up your phone? Do you desperately want to get out of it? Here’s a question from a listener about this very issue that many of us have had to deal with. 

The Problem

Dear Lisa,

I have learned so much from your podcasts and from Smart Talk.  I have a question that has come up enough times to merit asking you about it. Maybe you could add it to your list of topics to cover.

How does one ask to be removed from a group text without causing offense? In my case it has happened in family texts and in departmental text threads. At the very least I have texted, “Could you please remove me from this text?” and I have sent a whole long explanation about why I preferred to be excluded at that time.

No matter how I word it, someone always gets snitty.

Any suggestions?

Jill S.

One Solution: Ignore It

Here’s the thing—when you want to leave a group text (three or more people), it can feel like rejection to the others. And did you might not know that our brains respond similarly to rejection and physical pain. Studies show that rejection really hurts. In fact, according to MRI results, rejection stimulates the same regions of the brain as physical pain does. In addition, many studies suggest that even mild rejections lead people to take out their aggression on others. It makes sense because, according to Jean Twenge, an NIH researcher in social rejection, "Humans have evolved into creatures motivated to form stable, lasting relationships with others. This is deeply embedded in the culture."  

Add to the fact that communicating your desire to leave the group via text or email makes your request seem somewhat impersonal. It’s so difficult, without voice tone or facial expression, to mitigate the abruptness of words on paper. Hence, the invention of emoticons. And although they help in personal communication, they aren’t the same as face-to-face communication (and certainly aren't appropriate for work communication). So it’s not surprising that when you explicitly ask to leave a group text, some people might get snitty.

So, my advice? Just mute the conversation and let it run its course and eventually die off.

Another Solution: Remove Yourself Quietly

But if you really want to be removed from the group, you do have another alternative: remove yourself. In most text applications, you can choose to leave the conversation...

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