Your morning has been a near success. You manage to get your older child to preschool on time despite her last-minute decision to take a black Sharpie and draw a smiley face on the front of her white blouse. The dog came in from the rain the first time you called him, and only one kid balked when you served oatmeal for breakfast. You'll take it!
Goodbye, near-perfect morning—hello, meltdown!
Then, just as you sit down to relax with your second cup of coffee, your two-year-old decides he wants to wash his toy trucks in the toilet and refuses to budge when you sternly tell him the toilet is not a carwash. He hurls his wet vehicles at the dog and runs away from you. Goodbye, near-perfect morning—hello, meltdown!
If you have a toddler in your life, scenarios like this are sooo relatable. But the good news is, your toddler's just doing what comes naturally—it's his job to be oppositional. Toddlerhood is the period in your child's development when he begins to understand that he can exert some control over his world.
In her article Toddler Misbehavior and Defiance Improves with Positive Discipline, Maureen Healy, author and expert on highly sensitive children, says:
The act of defiance is displaying an inordinately high level of emotional intelligence — your children are actually listening to their inner wisdom.
In other words, when your spirited toddler throws a fit and says no when you ask him to take his trucks out of the toilet, fear not! He's exploring and trying to exert his independence.
First, keep in mind that some toddlers are by nature, more likely to be oppositional than others. Three of my eight kids were more stubborn and challenging early on than their siblings. They had intense personalities and were more high-maintenance than the rest of my brood. As they got older, they were better able to manage their tempers, but until that happened, I learned how to navigate their rebellious nature.
The key is to find ways to show your child how he can be in control and make his own choices in positive ways—and without driving you to your breaking point. Try my six strategies that will divert challenging behavior and help you keep calm.
If you suspect your child may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), seek guidance from your child's doctor or a mental health professional.
1. Don’t lose your cool
The most crucial first step to dealing with a defiant child is not to lose your cool. Defiant toddlers lack resources for knowing what to do next—they're looking...
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