I’ve long believed that parenting is definitely the toughest job you’ll ever love, but let’s face it—there are plenty of days that our role as a parent is tested to the limit leaving us worn out.
There are dozens of reasons our parenting skills get tested on a very regular basis, and though each of our children have unique personalities, learning styles, and talents they all share one thing in common—the ability to challenge their parents in order to get their own way.
Mighty Mommy has faced many a parenting trial over the past 20 years while raising her own 8 kids, and shares 6 common parenting challenges along with some tried and true solutions to fix them.
#1. Back Talk
As I stated in my episode, 5 Ways to Curb Backtalk, one of the most challenging aspects of parenthood is dealing with a fresh child who engages in back talk. Bottom line is—it’s rude, disrespectful, draining but definitely a behavior that parents across the globe must face.
"When a child talks back, what he's really expressing is anger, frustration, fear, or hurt," writes Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline, on babycenter.com. "Talking back guarantees your attention, and some attention is better than none."
Solution: Sometimes back talk is simply a way that your child wants to get a rise out of you. If you want to nip it in the bud, remain calm and simply say, “I feel hurt by the way you’re talking to me. When I hear that tone of voice, I’m going to walk away. We can talk again when you can speak respectfully to me.” Then walk away. The key here is to be consistent. You need to remain calm each time the back talking takes place and quietly leave the room. As tempting as it might be to raise your voice or go right back at your child with negative words, this strategy will never be helpful without consistency.
#2. Tantrums
As overwhelming as this stage of parenting can be—not to worry—for the most part, it’s completely normal. It's basically a test your child is giving to you, her parent. Tantrums usually result from one simple thing: a child not getting what she wants. When a child doesn’t get her way, she responds with frustration and, in order to get your attention, she throws a fit.
In an on-line article, How to Handle Tantrums and Meltdowns, Dr. Vasco Lopes, a clinical psychologist, explains “A majority of kids who have frequent meltdowns do it in very predictable, circumscribed situations: when it’s homework time, bedtime, time to stop playing.”
“The trigger is usually being asked to do something that’s aversive to them or to stop doing something that is fun for them.”
Solution: Dr. Lopes recommends eliminating or changing tantrum trigger so they’re not as problematic for the child. “Anticipating those triggers, and modifying them so that it’s easier for the child to engage in that activity is really important,” says Dr. Lopes. “For example, if homework is really difficult for a child, because she has underlying attention, organization or learning issues, she might have outbursts right before she’s supposed to start her homework. So we say to parents, ‘How can we make doing homework more palatable for her?’ We can give her frequent breaks, support her in areas she has particular difficulty with, organize her work, and break intimidating tasks into smaller chunks.”
#3. Entitlement
Today’s kids grow up with an entitled mentality due to heavy exposure from non-stop advertising, TV shows and movies that glorify having stuff, and peers at school who always seem to have the latest gadgets or the hottest labels. This ultimately leads to parents giving their kids much more than they need—and sometimes, more than their family can really afford.
Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, writes in the article, 9 Signs That a Child Has Entitlement Issues, “When children receive everything they want, we feed into their sense of entitlement—and feelings of gratitude fall by the wayside.” ““The entitlement epidemic usually begins with over-parenting—over-indulging, over-protecting, over-pampering, over-praising, and jumping through hoops to meets kids endless demands," she says. "Today’s generation of parents are overly invested in their child’s happiness, comfort and success.”
Solution: Find Gratitude Lessons in the Everyday
It's easy to turn daily life into valuable lessons about gratitude. When you see your son lovingly playing with the family pet, stop and express your gratitude to him for being so kind. “Brady, I love watching you take such good care of Molly, you’re so good with her.”
When your spouse stops at the store after a long day of work to pick up milk and bread, instead of taking it for granted or treating it like an errand let him know you appreciate his efforts. By positively reinforcing such actions, you’ll be setting an example of how much you value the good things that your family does, and in turn will help your family build a foundation of gratitude for the good things in their lives—not just material stuff.
See Also: 6 Ways to Curb Your Child’s Sense of Entitlement
#4. Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is inevitable whether you have 2 kids or 8 kids like Mighty Mommy. It’s important to understand that sibling rivalry is quite normal. Dr. Laura Markham, author and Clinical Psychologist, states in an article titled Siblings 101, “It's very, very hard for children to have to share us. In fact, when a younger sibling is born, virtually all children worry that they've lost their parents' love.”
Solution: Dr. Markham suggests “Love each one best. If your child knows that you could never love anyone else more than you love him, he won't find himself jealous of his sibling very often. So your first focus needs to be strengthening and sweetening your relationship with each child.”
See Also: 5 Ways to Handle Sibling Rivalry
#5. Getting Kids to Listen
As a parent, one of my biggest frustrations is realizing my child isn’t listening to me when I’m talking. It can be something as simple as my asking how her day at school was and, if I’m lucky, just hearing her breathe heavily in return.
When kids consistently don’t listen, it can’t make any parent want to lose their mind. Of course, it’s normal for kids to be non-compliant and argumentative sometimes. However, if not addressed, this can lead to bad habits and disrespectful behavior in the long run.
Renowned pediatrician, Dr. William Sears, states in an article How to Talk With Children, “A major part of discipline is learning how to talk to kids so they will listen. The way you talk to your child teaches him how to talk to others.”
Solution: Stay Brief Dr. Sears notes to use the one-sentence rule: “Put the main directive in the opening sentence. The longer you ramble, the more likely your child is to become parent-deaf. Too much talking is a very common mistake when dialoguing about an issue. It gives the child the feeling that you’re not quite sure what it is you want to say. If she can keep you talking she can get you sidetracked.” And Stay Simple “Use short sentences with one-syllable words. Listen to how kids communicate with each other and take note. When your child shows that glazed, disinterested look, you are no longer being understood.” concludes Dr. Sears.
See Also: 7 Simple Ways to Get Your Kids to Listen
#6: Finding Time for Self
One of my favorite episodes is 5 Ways That ‘Selfish Parenting’ Can Benefit Your Family. In this column I note that today’s parents (moms in particular) are wracked with guilt and determined to make all things relating to the child, regardless of the toll it takes on them personally, as the top priority. We have a fear that doing anything else might be considered a failure in this role. I used to fall in to this way of thinking, but thankfully I realized years ago that I was only hurting my family when I didn’t take care of myself.
I offered 5 tips that have worked for me in keeping my mind, body, and spirit balanced while raising 8 kids: One of my favorites is:
Solution: Create a Mom Cave. Before you laugh at this idea, please hear me out. Whether you live in a sprawling home with tons of square footage or are stepping on one another’s toes in a tiny apartment, find at least one little corner of the house to call your own. By having some sacred space that is just yours, you will teach your kids how to respect your personal boundaries. My Mom cave is in my bedroom. I have a cozy desk along with my own bookcase loaded with special books and treasures, a comfort drawer with a few of my favorite treats, and some inspiring quotes and photos framed in the surrounding area. It is my precious nook that I can retreat to when I’m having a bad day, need some inspiration, or just want to chill, and my family has been well-trained to not disturb me when I’m in there unless the house is on fire!
What’s a tough parenting challenge that you face and what’s worked for you to solve it? Please share your thoughts in the comments section at http://ift.tt/1zMEe2L, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5.
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