With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, most are focused on selecting stunning roses and other beautiful sentiments for their sweethearts. You can’t get near the greeting card sections of your favorite store and brilliant shades of red and pink surround us everywhere. Love is in the air!
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be centered around couples and romance, there are many other deserving people in our lives that inspire loving vibes and one such group is the teenagers in our world. Mighty Mommy happens to have four teens in her midst and understands completely that they can sometimes send parents over the edge with their quirky and often disrespectful attitudes mixed in with defiant actions such as backtalk and ignoring our rules. But you know what? Underneath this behavior are decent beings, our babies, who are trying to find their own way during this emotional time in their lives so Valentine’s Day is a great reminder that they, too, need to have a little lovin!
Mighty Mommy has six heartfelt ways you can show your teens some love on Valentine’s Day and throughout the rest of the year as well.
#1. Allow Them Their Privacy
When our kids are young, we are completely hands on with them. We tickle them, snuggle up on the couch when we watch TV, we tie their shoes, cut their meat, pick them up and hug them tight when they fall down and get a boo boo—we are physically a big part of their lives. We also spend a lot of time in their personal space such as the room they play in at home and their bedrooms. We enter back and forth without even thinking about it. But all of a sudden, our babies turn into tweens and teens and we are no longer as easily welcomed into their square footage of life.
One way you can show your teen some good, old-fashioned love is to respect his/her privacy. When my teens come home, they usually head to the kitchen and grab a snack and then bolt right to their bedrooms, shutting the door behind them. I can relate, because if I didn’t have to come home and get dinner started, that’s what I would do too. Dr. Peter Marshall, author of Now I Know Why Tigers Eat Their Young, states that a closed bedroom door signals a need for privacy that is not only normal but crucial for teens. “They’re not just goofing off,” he explains, “They spend a large part of their time just thinking about things, trying to figure out who they are and who they want to become. There’s a lot of work for them to do, and they need some space to do it.”
#2. Create New Rituals
You might not be reading them a bedtime story and tucking them into bed with a kiss and a tickle any longer, but teens still find certain rituals soothing and reassuring, whether they admit it or not. So your 18-year old son doesn’t want you to hug him goodbye when you hand him the car keys in front of his buddies, come up with another affectionate gesture that he’ll come to rely on as a sign that all is well between the two of you such as patting him on the back and quipping something like “I expect you’ll turn the radio channel back to my station when you return my car full of gas.” And then give him a warm smile. Every morning when my kids leave for school, I still tell them I love them and then I add: "Have your best day ever.” If I don’t say that to them, they feel as something is wrong, because now they’ve come to depend on that exchange every morning before they leave the house. Evaluate the everyday scenes that play out with you and your teen and try to find a clever way to start a new love-ritual with them. When you do this consistently, your teen begin to expect it and secretly love the attention.
#3. Don’t be Touchy Feely
Just as I discussed in tip #2 about creating new love rituals, as our kids get older we may need to modify the way we show affection to them. The majority of teens can become uncomfortable with physical contact from their parents, grandparents, and other special people in their lives as they go through puberty and become more aware of their developing and changing bodies. My teen sons are actually more accepting of my hugging them than my teen daughters. Go figure! I’m a hugger, so for me, this has not been easy, but I respect their comfort zone and have adapted my “touchy feely” side to something that puts them at ease. For instance, instead of going in for a big bear hug I give a small kiss on the cheek and a smile. One of the best ways you can connect without a hug or a kiss is to stop what you’re doing when your teen comes home and enters the room for the first time and make eye contact and welcome him home with a warm smile. Taking the time to do this shows them you care and he is still a very important part of your busy life.
#4. Do It Their Way
One way to show another human being that you love and care for them is to sincerely show your interest in the things he/she enjoys doing. One of my teenaged sons is totally into Minecraft. I was so not a video person/gamer until I embraced what he was interested in. Now I’m hooked! Another of my son’s likes music that I normally (OK, still don’t) enjoy listening to, but it really makes him happy, so what the heck! When you are genuine with your desire to appreciate their favorite team, hobby, or fashion style you are sending a big message: I care about you, your interests are important to me. See Also: 8 Ways to Be Present With Your Kids
#5. Physically Be There
When raising teens being engaged and supportive in their daily lives is another big way to say “I love you.” This means taking the time to get to their sporting events and cheer from the sidelines, make an effort to have several family meals each week, put your cell phones in a drawer and instead engage in a conversation with your teen—and if they’re willing to chat—listen without any agenda except to interact with your son/daughter. In an article written for Partnership for Drug-Free Kids titled “How to Listen to Your Teen and Get Through,” several excellent tips are listed for how to really listen to your teen when she’s trying to tell you something. The end of the article also offers some great advice, “Don’t worry about being perfect the first time, or every time. You’re human, and so is your teen. If you’re struggling with a really challenging subject, tackle it in a series of small talks instead of one big one. If a conversation gets derailed, take a deep breath—and get back on the right track the next time.” See Also 15 Ways to Show Your Family You Love Them
You’re human, and so is your teen. If you’re struggling with a really challenging subject, tackle it in a series of small talks instead of one big one.
#6. Say It and Often
Our teens still need to hear the words, “I love you.” Nobody ever outgrows that. I’m a firm believer that when our kids leave for the day we should tell them we love them. When I have a phone conversation with any of my 8 kids, I always end with “I love you”. When I text, I end with xoxoxo. I still love to leave little notes in their lunches, on their pillows or send cards to my kids who are away at college letting them know I love being their mother and I love them always. Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to sneak in a “mushy” sentiment about how much you love your teen. It lays the groundwork for the other 364 days of the year that you can express your unconditional love in so many different ways.
How do you show your teen you love them? Share your thoughts in the comments section at http://ift.tt/1zMEe2L, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5.
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