1.) Know the power dynamics and realities
It’s smart to assess the realities and perceptions. The reality: since they approached her, and her business is doing just fine, she doesn’t actually need anything they have to offer. So in fact, she has something they want, and so far, they haven’t demonstrated that they have anything she wants. That means she has all the leverage, and at the moment, all the power. Now she has to act like it.
The perception: Since they’re the 800-pound Audrey II of the plant industry (they used to be the 800-pound gorilla, but a gorilla is no match for an Audrey II), and since they’re offering her a job, GOT GREEN is probably coming in thinking that they are one-up and that Bernice is chomping at the bit to be noticed by such a Magnificent Enterprise.
She needs to adjust their perception so they begin to treat her as a serious entrepreneur and CEO in her own right. She needs to convey that she’s the Audrey II that could gobble up their 800-pound gorilla.
2.) Power is signaled even with logistics
Her instinct is to call GOT GREEN and ask, “What time and where do you want me to come for the meeting?” “What’s the job you’re offering?” “Is my plant store experience enough for me to get a Vice President level job with you?” Even though she asks in a confident voice tone, she's asking as if GOT-GREEN is the final authority on everything. They come from a place of “Little, unworthy me wants something out of Grand Amazing You.” They immediately put Bernice in a one-down position by assuming that GOT GREEN has all the answers and all the benefits, and all she can do is comply with whatever they are generous enough to offer. A powerful person expect to have input, and have their issues considered, too.
3.) Convey power by controlling the process
When you’re at the negotiating table, power isn't just attitude. You also want to behave in ways that show you're at the top of your game.
While weak questions presuppose GOT GREEN has all the power, Bernice can use questions very powerfully. Questions absolutely have a place in a negotiation, and that place is finding out enough about the other side’s needs and constraints that you can craft an offer that meets their needs, and find leverage to get them to meet yours. In this case, though, all of Bernice’s questions come down to some form ofasking permission or asking for the result of their decision, which are what a one-down person does. Instead, she can decide what answers she wants and she can be the one to offer them the opportunity to provide them.
And this is the crux of how Bernice signals power. She takes control of the process. Instead of asking these questions, she can make declarative statements that give them a chance to counter-offer.
Instead of “What time and where do you want me to come for the meeting?” she can say, “Let’s meet Friday at 5 pm at Green Growing Things 1, behind the Audrey II feeding pens. If you’d prefer another time, let me know and we can schedule something.” She’s taking control of the process, while leaving them plenty of leeway to choose a new date, time, or place. Framing things this way communicates, “I’m a busy person, I’m in control of this situation, I’m going to move it along at my pace” instead of deferring to GOT GREEN to move at their pace. She doesn't necessarily expect them to move at her pace—large companies often move very slowly due to their size—but she's signaling that her needs are as important as theirs.
4.) Keep the process moving
When they say “Great, we’ll get back to you sometime later this week to confirm,” it sounds like good news. But only partly. Because that leaves the next actions in their hands. If they’re still thinking of this as a standard employee interview, they might jerk her around for weeks before getting back to her with anything definitive.
Her maneuver here is to keep the process moving, herself. She does this by making sure there’s always a next step on the calendar in a time frame that works for her. “That sounds great. I’ll expect to hear from you by Wednesday at 2 pm. Does that work for you?”
By using phrasing like “I’ll expect to hear from you,” she’s again making the power dynamic clear—she’s an important person who has expectations about this process. She ends with a question that gives them the freedom to propose a different time, but she’s making sure the process keeps moving and never depends on them having to remember to get back to her.
5.) Rebalance the power dynamic subtly in your favor
“What’s the job you’re offering?” becomes “We can talk about your needs and my needs and how we can work together.” Instead of framing the discussion as them offering little, defenseless her a job, she’s framed the discussion as a meeting of equals trying to meet each others’ needs. This is a much more powerful framing.
“Is my experience enough to qualify for VP?” becomes “I’m the founder and CEO of Green Growing Things and that carries with it a certain level of status, autonomy, and control. Let’s put that on the agenda for our conversation. Is there anything you’d like me to add to the agenda, from your end?”
Next time you go into a negotiation, take a moment to assess your mental state, the real power dynamics, and how you’re thinking about the power dynamics.
6.) Make yourself the decision-maker
Bernice had the meeting yesterday, at the time she suggested. It turns out that meeting by the Audrey II feeding pens gave her a bit more psychological control than she’d anticipated. There's nothing like the crunching sounds of an Audrey II feeding to make it clear who has the power. She explained her needs, listened to GOT GREEN’s needs, and at the end, both sides decided that the most sensible way to go would be for Green Growing Things to acquire GOT GREEN.com. Details to be determined.The first framing, “is my experience enough to quality?” implies that GOT-GREEN is the judge of her. The reframe implies they’re equals, by reminding them that she’s a CEO (albeit of a small business) and that she has needs that are getting met that they’re going to have to meet in order to get her. Suddenly she’s the one judging their offer, not the other way around. Then she offers, quite reasonably, to add their items to the agenda. But notice that by doing so, now she’scontrolling the agenda and gets to be the one who is adding items that they’re requesting. There’s been a real change in who’s one-up and who’s one-down, and all it took was a couple of sentences.
Next time you go into a negotiation, take a moment to assess your mental state, the real power dynamics, and how you’re thinking about the power dynamics. Don’t ask lot of permission questions; instead, use declarative proposals of working together, that give the other side a chance to respond. Keep control of the calendar to keep the process moving, and keep your framing powerful, while giving the other side plenty of flexibility. I’m not saying you’ll take over the world this way, but if you do, send along a seven-figure bonus check for the Get-it-Done Guy. There are two Bs in Robbins.
This is Stever Robbins. Follow GetItDoneGuy on Twitter and Facebook. I run programs to help people have Extraordinary Lives and extraordinary careers. If you want to know more, visit SteverRobbins.com or join my personal mailing list by texting GETITDONE to 33444. You’ll also get a free copy of my secret book chapter on how to build relationships that help you succeed.
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