With Labor Day behind us, we bid farewell to summer. No more weekends at pool, or days a camp; now it’s deliciously cool weather, and even tastier autumn treats like Pumpkin Spice Lattes! Yet even though we’re entering fall (my favorite season) that doesn’t mean we have to put the summer behind us for good. So let's celebrate summer the only way we know how: sharing email received from readers, detailing some insanely rude people.
Ah, can you feel the mannerly magic in the air? I can! But don’t worry, all of these horror stories are PG. Plus, the emailers gave me permission and I’ve changed their names and likeness to cover up any finger pointing. But don’t worry, these stories are factual and truly unmannerly. Grab a thick blanket and some wool socks as we kick off fall in style by mocking those who made your summers terrible .
Tip #1: Bob the Griever
In my article, How to Be Supportive of Unusual Grief, I touched on some situations where it’s hard to connect with friends/family who grieve over a less than conventional topic. You know, like how one person locks themselves in a room for weeks on end because their favorite celebrity has passed away. Or the daunting task of having to console someone who is beside themselves over a goldfish who’s swam their last lap in life. If you feel my pain, Modern Manners Guy Facebook friend Bob had a rather interesting experience with a woman he just started dating. After a fantastic first date and even better second, Bob planned a romantic evening at an expensive restaurant. The restaurant was one of those places where you need to know the owner just to get a table this year. Fortunately, he was able to pull some strings and make it happen. However, an hour before he was supposed to pick up his girlfriend, she called balling over a loss in her family. Yes, Mannerly Nation let’s all take a moment of silence for Bob’s girlfriend’s pet cow. In case you breezed over that sentence and thought you read it as a cat, please make sure you understand, I said a cow! Worst part was, it wasn’t even her cow, but her parent’s cow.
First, for all the cow lovers out there, please don’t turn on me by not exactly empathizing with Bob's girlfriend’s beloved pet. See, my issue is how to properly balance the level of grief (which, let’s be honest, is debatable in this case) and the plans that Bob had put together. Again, let me just say, I’m not being insensitive (insensitive would be if Bob took her to a steak house that night) or saying, “What? It’s just a cow!” Which we all are thinking); I'm just using this example to illustrate the levels of priority here. First, it’s a cow. Sorry, folks. Secondly, it’s a pet that is not currently in her presence. What is right here is a caring boyfriend who bent over backwards to impress her. That should not be forgotten. So, to make both sides happy, Bob should have reached out and said (while trying to hold back laughter), “I understand you’re hurt right now, but maybe a night out would make you feel better and take your mind off the loss.” And she should have obliged. Here, both sides are saying, “I have invested energy into something but I can put that aside.” Bob wins by being a stellar boyfriend and his girlfriend gets a couple hours—thanks to Bob—to let her mind drift as far away from the farm as possible.
Tip #2: Stage Four Clinger
Who doesn’t like a psycho-ex marching into your office and ruining your day? Regardless of where we come from, we’re all in agreement that a rude lover scorned is one part of romance that seems to be left out of the manual. Turns out Modern Manners Guy Twitter follower Charlotte had her own war story about an ex (they only went out on one date!) who burst into her restaurant to profess his love to her. Sweet, right? I mean, who doesn’t like a little spontaneity? “Thinking with his heart,” he walked in dressed in a tuxedo, carrying two dozen roses, and sat down at the piano in the bar then started belting out some John Legend. Despite thinking this was a smooth move, let’s break this down to see where he went wrong. First, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he did get a couple things right: brought flowers, dressed nice, and poured his heart out. All things that show class. However, where he flubbed up to the extreme was the fact that he wasn’t her boyfriend. See, he wasn’t in love—he was obsessed, or some would call it possessed. No matter how you look at it, bursting into someone’s office to prove your love isn’t romantic.
Understand that being a manners guru, I fancy myself a romantic. With that, I will say I don’t always get it right yet, being a romantic is all about practice. However, many people try and take the “over the top idea” rather than reality and fail miserably. Why is this? If you ask me, I blame the movies. Sure, the movies can give you good ideas, but don’t be convinced that what works for Ryan Gosling will work for you as well. I’m not sure if Charlotte’s suitor binge-watched some bad romance movies on Netflix, but I will say that taking your love to someone’s office is highly improper. As well, trying to spill your heart out in public to someone you just meant might be a bit much. OK, it definitely is a bit much. Bottom line: never go to someone’s workplace and pull stunts like her guy did. Yes, it’s flattering to have someone boldly show their affection, but when it’s in public, there are way too many outliers that could make the person you’re trying to impress not enjoy the process. And like I said, if you just started dating, going public with an overzealous expression of your love will surely scare someone away.
Tip #3: The Bad Haircut
This story came from Anna in Cincinnati, who after a rather bad haircut had a hard time tipping the stylist for her work. We’ve all been in this situation and the level of “badness” that occurred for the haircut is different for everyone. However, here Anna had four inches chopped off, rather than two. That’s a big deal! Especially for a woman. I mean, if I get butchered at the local Hair Cuttery it will make me crazy-upset, but guys can get away with shorter hair for the two weeks it takes to fill out. Many women spend a lot more time and money on maintaining their hair than men do. So if someone cuts off double the amount, I firmly believe they should kiss their tip goodbye. Is this too harsh? Not at all.
As I said in Tipping Conundrums: Should You Tip More at an Upscale Restaurant?, many people beat themselves up over how much to tip and when. There are two sides to this argument, however. First, you can say, “I’m paying for service, and I’ll only tip if it’s up to my standards,” while others think, “Well …even if it’s not the best service, I’ll still give something because it's the social norm.” In a way, they are both correct … however, tipping is a case by case issue and based solely around service. Like Anna, for example, who had the complete opposite of what she wanted. It’s like ordering a bacon cheeseburger and getting a salad. So, if you are shelling out your hard-earned money, why should you feel obligated to tip graciously when the service wasn’t met? I recommend doing what Anna did; she tipped “something” rather than nothing, and nowhere near what she would have. I applaud her because it showed class. She had the proper mindset to at least give them something for their time but made sure they were aware they just lost a good customer. As well, don’t be afraid to let them know you’re not happy and why. Don’t be snippy about it, but make sure they get it. You owe it to them and the next person.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
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