One of the most frequently asked questions I receive each month is how to effectively discipline a child. With that, many parents ask my opinion on spanking and whether or not I believe it’s an appropriate way to change a child’s bad behavior.
Spanking—the act of striking a child’s buttocks with an open hand— is a form of corporal punishment, a catch-all term that includes hitting with a belt, paddling with an object (such as a stick or a large wooden spoon), and slapping with an open hand. Most child-development experts include acts such as tapping a toddler’s diaper-cushioned bottom when he misbehaves and smacking the hand of a kid protectively as he reaches for a hot stove in the same category.
Since all these punishments entail hitting, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) urges parents not to resort to them under any circumstances. “There’s no reason to get physical with a child when other discipline tactics are more effective,” says Benjamin Siegel, MD, Chair of the AAP’s committee on Psychosocial Aspects of child and Family Health. The committee’s position is that spanking often evolves into abuse, which endangers a child’s safety and cause psychological damage, leading to aggressive behavior, substance problems, and acts of delinquency during adolescence.
According to a study published in the Journal of American Academy of Pediatrics, there are serious consequences to applying physical punishment to kids.
Reason #1: Spanking Equates Violence as a Problem Solver
Physical punishment such as spanking distracts a child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. Spanking also shows children that violence is an appropriate way to solve life's problems. And in this day and age, with so much focus on bullying, physically harming your child can be perceived as a form of bullying, sending the message to your child that this is an effective way to get others to do things your way. Even a hard tap on a child’s hand or a swift swat on the behind can send the message that you believe physical consequences are the best ways to get their attention and redirect an inappropriate behavior. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems.
Reason #2: Hitting Triggers a Fear Response
The work of Dr. Bruce Lipton has shown us that it is biologically impossible to learn and implement higher-order thinking when we are fearful. Spanking actually makes kids perform worse in school. The fear response triggers the fight or flight instinct and adrenaline and cortisol flood our bloodstream and brains. Showing love, however he says, actually love becomes physiological. The sensation of love releases all the chemicals that provide for the growth and maintenance and health of the body. So the matter of being in love keeps us in a chemical environment that supports our vitality and our growth. Love becomes biochemistry. And the biochemistry of love is the most health-promoting, growth-promoting chemistry that you can have and share with your child.
Reason #3: Hitting Children Teaches Them to Become Hitters
Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Well known pediatrician Dr. William Sears believes that spanking demonstrates it’s all right for people to hit others, and especially for big people to hit little people, and stronger people to hit weaker people. Children learn that when you have a problem you solve it with a good swat. A child whose behavior is controlled by spanking is likely to carry on this mode of interaction into other relationships with siblings and peers, and eventually a spouse and offspring. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and control no matter how upset you might be with your child's actions.
Many studies have shown that hitting your child can hurt more than his body: It can injure his sense of self.
Reason #4: Spanking Can Promote Low Self-Esteem
Many studies have shown that hitting your child can hurt more than his body: It can injure his sense of self. Studies by the late psychologist Irwin Hyman and colleagues at Temple University have shown that regardless of how nurturing a family is, spanking always lowers self-esteem. By nature, human beings crave to be accepted and acknowledged. This is no different for kids—young or old. When we tend to focus on all that a child does wrong—“Your grades are too low,” “You never get your homework done on time,” “You are too loud and hyper,” or “Why can’t you be more thoughtful like your sister?”—rather than what they do right—“That was terrific how you stuck up for your little brother on the playground today!” “Thanks for making sure the dog got a walk when I had to work late tonight,” or “I love how you always wake up with a smile"—we draw attention to what’s not working rather than all the things that are great! Rather than physically lashing out at your child, tweaking the focus to what is positive rather than what is negative can boost a child’s self-esteem.
Reason #5: Spanking Can Damage Your Parent/Child Relationship
According to Michael H. Popkin, Ph.D , spanking can damage your relationship with your child. In his article 8 Good Reasons Not to Spank, he notes that even if you only spank a child one time, she may remember it the rest of her life and never feel as safe around you. When you spank often, you create a climate of hurt and revenge that undermines much of the good in the relationship. You may be able to overcome this, but why take the chance when there are better methods available?
How do you handle spanking in your home? Share your thoughts in the comments section at http://ift.tt/1zMEe2L, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5.
Be sure to sign up for the upcoming Mighty Mommy newsletter chock full of practical advice to make your parenting life easier and more enjoyable.
Image courtesy of Shutterstock.
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar