How Parenthood Changes Your Relationship

When my husband and I got married, it was for purely practical reasons: we wanted to put my husband on my insurance plan. We knew we wanted to get married and start our family, so it seemed like a great time to just get the formality out of the way. We had a small, courthouse wedding with a few friends and our parents in attendance. It was perfect.

We made the decision to try to start our family. Like many first-time parents, I had a plan for when it would be ideal to get pregnant. This plan would allow me to work from home for several months, and I would receive a release from teaching if I were able to complete some of my graduate school milestones while I was pregnant. This timing would give me as much time at home with my baby as possible.

Life ended up working out according to plan, which really was just a matter of pure luck. We welcomed a daughter together right on schedule, and I was able to spend the first eight months of her life at home with her. Sometimes she would come to collect research data with me or attend a seminar with me at school, but I was able to spend that time with her. My husband received one week off of work and had to start traveling pretty quickly after that. He is an exceptional dad, and in the early days, woke up with me at night for every feeding. Where I was really anxious about parenting, he was really confident. We grew into parenthood together, and although that time was difficult, it was so incredibly special.

Why is it hard for couples to talk about money?

What does the research say on transitioning to parenthood?

All transitions create the conditions for us to experience disruption in our relationships. Basically, change is really hard. As humans, we are pretty averse to experiencing change. Parenthood is one of the biggest transitions we can face in our relationships—we are no longer just two independent people, but instead have added a stranger into our lives that is completely dependent on us. We know nothing about who they are when they're born, so it is a whole new getting-to-know-you process for both parents.

Studies have shown...

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