Valentine’s Day is approaching and we all have relationships on our mind, specifically how great it feels to be in a romantic relationship or how desperately we may or may not want one.
Today, we're talking about myths that hinder our relationships. In speaking of these myths, I’m highlighting ones that affect all types of relationships. I want to help you out no matter your relationship style and state.
Before we start, I want to quickly define what I mean by "myth." In this context, a myth is anything that we believe that isn’t true. We all have myths we believe, and it’s important to be aware of them so that our actions aren’t unduly influenced by faulty beliefs.
Myth 1: I don’t deserve to get what I want or need.
Do you have this underlying belief? Stop it. Because unless you’re Jeffrey Dahmer, you do deserve to have needs and desires considered.
When you walk into situations with this belief, it makes it incredibly easy to give up before you even get started. There are two approaches to this myth that I will recommend. The first is focused on the past. Explore for yourself where this belief may have come from. Did you have early caregiver relationships, unappreciative friends, or tumultuous romantic relationships that put this idea in your mind? This might be a good time to do a deep dive on your own or with a therapist.
The second is more present-focused. Ask yourself, "Do I think it’s important for others to get their needs met?" Most will answer yes to this question and if you’re one of those people, why are you treating yourself differently? You’re not special: if I deserve to get my needs met, so do you.
18 Beliefs That Are Ruining Your Life
Myth 2: If I ask for help, it’ll show that I’m a weak person.
Is it hard for you to be vulnerable in relationships? Have others ever described you as prideful or guarded? Are you the type of friend who is always there for others, but never lets them into your struggles?
If this describes you, your underlying belief is getting in the way of you building closeness and intimacy with others that you care about. I tell my patients all the time that if you care about a person, you have to allow them the opportunity to show that they love you. Needing or desiring help is not a weakness, particularly for us as humans. We tend to be social by nature and do better in groups than solo. One Power Ranger is badass, but together they form the Megazord and are pretty unstoppable.
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