Don't Let Valentine's Day Ruin Your Relationship

Conducting relationship research can be difficult even in the best of times because people and relationships are complex. However, there is nothing quite so difficult as needing to study couples around the holidays. One piece of advice I received from my graduate school advisor is to never collect data from undergraduate couples in the weeks surrounding Valentine’s Day or spring break because these are particularly tumultuous times for couples and may actually affect participants’ perceptions of their partner and their relationship.

Perhaps one of the most controversial days of the year, Valentine’s Day can bring about either viscerally negative feelings or overwhelming excitement. Advertisements are in your face about the day, targeting people who may feel pressure to give gifts. Every store has over-the-top messaging just in case you forgot the holiday was approaching. It can be overwhelming and all-consuming.

Some people are extremely vocal about their disdain for this "Hallmark holiday." It’s expensive because there are expectations for gift giving to prove your love for your partner. It ignores single people, potentially making them feel left out of tradition. It’s cringe-worthy because it’s about celebrating love and all of those mushy-gushy feelings attributed to teenage angst. It also has a reputation for setting people up for disappointment when the day doesn’t go as hoped for, leading to unnecessary negative feelings.

Other people find Valentine’s day to be something to look forward to. You get to spend time thinking about and sharing positive things about your partner and hopefully have them return those positive sentiments. You get to have a fun date, maybe get dressed up, and celebrate your relationship. For those people not currently in a serious relationship, it may be the perfect opportunity to start one! If nothing else, it is a day to express your appreciation and love for the meaningful relationships in your life.

In this episode, I'm going to look at how Valentine's Day can affect our relationships and some science-backed tips on the best way to spend the holiday.

How does Valentine’s Day affect your relationship?

There are several ways in which Valentine’s Day can create the conditions to affect your relationship. One study found it can exacerbate existing problems we may be experiencing in our relationships. Indeed, relationships in that study...

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