Are People and Situations Frustrating You at Work? Let's Fix That

In the earliest days of my running my business, I remember being fascinated (and horrified) by the black hole into which every proposal seemed to fall. Back then, I’d meet with a leader seeking a program or some consulting. I’d follow up with exactly the proposal they’d requested, and … [insert sound of crickets chirping].

I was so frustrated. Our conversation had made clear that they had a need and I had a solution. And their inability to close the loop was so bleeping frustrating. I’ll confess to having spent a hot few minutes, or maybe months, stewing in my frustration over their failure to respond.

Then, one day my brave husband gently suggested that perhaps I needed to look at how I was contributing to this frustrating outcome.

Ugh. I hate it when he’s right.

What role do you play in your frustration?

As it turned out, I was indeed playing a role in this broken record of frustration. These people were busy doing their day jobs; they weren’t sitting around waiting for my proposals. I realized I needed to sharpen my calls-to-action in my cover notes. I needed to follow up, sometimes three or four times, to land the next meeting. 

This reflection was a game-changer for me. I made some tweaks to my approach and, magically, their behavior changed! Suddenly proposals became contracts, which inevitably became a business.

When you’re looking for the reason people around you seem to be denying or ignoring what you’ve said, you may need to look for that answer in the mirror.

Being this brand of reflective—asking ‘What am I doing that’s contributing to this problem?’—can be hard. But in your own moments of repeated frustration, consider what your role might be, and what you can do to change the tape. I'm not talking about one-off frustrations like when your neighbor's landscaper shows up with a leaf blower just as you're about to virtually present a big pitch. I'm talking about those frustrations that seem to rear their heads again and again on an endless loop.

When you’re feeling frustrated on repeat, before you bang your head against the wall, take a pause and reflect. Ask yourself, what is my opportunity to contribute to a different outcome next time?

Here are some surefire places to start.

Make sure you've been clear

When I run programs on effective communication skills, I always include a nod to a favorite quote of mine, often (and probably incorrectly) attributed to George Bernard Shaw:

The single biggest problem in...

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