Beware the Dark Triad in Your Relationship

We've all had our share of relationships we regret. There was the one that went on too long because we were afraid of change. Maybe one where there was a lot of chemistry but it turned out you were on opposite sides of a political issue that was a deal-breaker. Or you clicked well, but they just couldn’t get along with your family. These are common relationship missteps we can chalk up to life’s lemons, and usually there’s not much harm done other than temporarily hurt feelings and a sense of having wasted time.

If you find yourself feeling like this in a relationship, chances are good that your partner has some personality traits in the dark triad.

But then there are relationships that are darker. They perhaps start out passionately or even lovingly, but somehow, there’s an insidious slide into a different dynamic that doesn’t feel right. You wake up one day to find yourself feeling unsafe, unloved, uncertain, or like you’ve totally lost your sense of self. If you find yourself feeling like this in a relationship, chances are good that your partner has some personality traits in the dark triad. Today, we'll talk about what these personality traits are and what relationship patterns they portend.

The dark triad

The dark triad refers to three types of personality profiles that all spell trouble for relationships—psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and narcissism. Psychologists Paulhus and Williams coined the term in 2002 when they found that these three personalities tend to run together.

Machiavellianism

Niccolò Machiavelli was a 15th century Italian politician famous for advising rulers to use deception and deviousness to maintain power. Nowadays, his name is synonymous with a person who schemes and manipulates people. People with this trait are strategic in their relationships, associating with people they can use to get more social status, wealth, or other things for their own gain.

In a self-report questionnaire of the dark triad personality traits, items for measuring Machiavellianism include:

• "It’s wise to keep track of information that you can use against people later"
• "Whatever it takes, you must get the important people on your side"
• "I use insincere flattery to get my way"

Think of the way Lindsay Lohan’s character in Mean Girls faked bullying evidence in the Burn Book to get her rivals into trouble.

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