When one of my kid's goes out of their way to tell me how great I look, particularly when I'm feeling harried, I cautiously embrace the compliment. I know I'm not having a great hair day, and I've worn my vintage denim jacket dozens (probably hundreds) of times, so it's not like I'm rocking an awesome new outfit they've never seen.
Hmm, what's up?
Do I seriously look amazing? (Every busy mom hopes so!) Or could this compliment be a ploy to cover an underlying motive like wanting the go-ahead to break curfew or to soften the news of a failing grade?
My daughter tends to be trustworthy and get good grades, so her overzealous fashion compliments are probably innocent. But when she applies that same charisma to go to her father behind my back to get his blessing for a new cell phone after I've already said no ... that's inappropriate.
Kids manipulate their parents for various reasons, usually to get something they want. There are times, however, when that tactic gets out of hand, and it becomes a challenge.
Kids learn to be manipulative from a young age
When a child manipulates, it may seem like an artful and calculated con job. But often, learning to manipulate comes about instinctively. In an article on child manipulation, clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Rutherford writes:
Children can learn how to get certain responses from their parents from a very young age. Typically not before 15 months, but some kids can understand this dynamic quickly.
She refers to a young child crying in the middle of the night. The parent runs in to pick the child up to soothe him. The child soon learns that this behavior will get his needs met, so it develops into a pattern.
As the mom of eight kids ranging in ages from 15 to 27, I've learned first-hand about behaviors and why kids rely on them. All action serves a purpose and is a means to an end. Our kids do things because they want something and because they need things. Whether they're craving a new toy, candy at the check-out aisle, or the ability to wheedle out of a chore, many kids learned ways to game the system without much effort.
As a child grows and discovers their needs are being met through crying, whining, or lying and controlling others, they may continue on this course. After all, it's working quite well for them! Their success rate reinforces their behavior.
Here are Mighty Mommy's five strategies to help you take control and nip manipulative behavior in the bud.
1. Respond, don't react
It's helpful to think of your child's...
Keep reading on Quick and Dirty Tips
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar