How to Deal with Mean Sarcasm

Sarcasm is like jazz—it’s hard to define, but you know it when you hear it. That’s because sarcasm, which is used to convey the opposite of the literal words spoken, is primarily communicated by a person's tone of voice. You can tell by a speaker’s tone that “Well, that’s exactly what I need right now” means "I sure wish this wasn't happening."

Sarcasm can be used to compliment: “You ran a marathon and went to night school? Slacker.” Or to make a good-natured tease: “Would you like some ice cream with your sprinkles?” It can be self-deprecating: “It’s a complete mystery why my high school mullet and I didn’t get more dates.” Or someone might even channel Beyonce: “I woke up like this.”

Sarcasm is used to convey the opposite of the literal words spoken, and it's primarily communicated by a person's tone of voice.

More often, though, sarcasm is used to demonstrate irritation or just to be plain old mean: “Yeah, that’s a real genius idea" or maybe "Could you be less competent?”

Before we talk about how to respond when you're the target of someone's mean sarcasm, let’s get a little nerdy about the science of sarcasm.

Sarcasm requires more advanced thinking skills

Research shows that sarcasm is understood through both what we say and how we say it. What we say is the opposite of what we really mean, which a listener has to get from the context of the situation. How we say it tends to be lower, slower, and louder.

And all of this information is processed lightning-fast, on the spot. So for all the social mayhem they cause, sarcastic people actually employ some pretty advanced social cognition.

Why advanced? Simply put, it’s because the tone and content oppose each other. A sincere comment in a positive tone—“That is so original!”—or a critical comment in a negative tone—“That is so cliche"—are congruent. A sarcastic comment, however, is often a positive message with a negative tone—“Wow, that’s original!”—which is more complicated for the brain to process.

This doesn't mean sarcastic people are smarter, despite what some Internet articles might want you to believe.

Now, this doesn't mean sarcastic people are smarter, despite what some Internet articles might want you to believe. It simply means that the ability to use and understand sarcasm requires a skill called Theory of Mind, which is the ability to detect the mental states of others, including their true feelings, thoughts, and intentions.

So even though what is...

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