How to Have a Conversation with Your Critical Boss

Over the years I’ve had bosses who inspired me, pushed me, challenged me, scared me, bored me, made me laugh, and made me cry. Now I’m my own boss and frankly, the jury’s still out.

Bosses come in all shapes, styles, and fashions. And some are just better than others.

I recently received a question from a listener named Lisa who’s struggling with an overly critical boss. She said:

[My boss feels the need to] 'take the whip to the horses' so we can get things done. That might work for some people … but it does not work for me. I’m sensitive to criticism. I'm afraid that if I say anything about it, I'll just look like I'm whining and asking for special treatment. Or, worse, my boss will start thinking I can't handle the pressure of my job and decide to fire me. Should I talk to my boss? Just suck it up and deal with the criticism?

Lisa, I feel your pain. Anyone who listens to Modern Mentor knows I define workplace success not just by how far you climb, but how much you enjoy the journey. So let’s talk about some ways to handle the situation.

I define workplace success not just by how far you climb, but how much you enjoy the journey.

Critical boss? First, assess the situation

Your boss doesn't have the right to behave badly. But you do have some degree of control over your response to their behavior. Start by trying to get a better understanding of our boss's behavior, and then seek clarity.

Empathize with your critical boss

A few weeks ago, a colleague was short with me on a call. I was left wondering if I’d done something to offend her. She called later that day to apologize, telling me she had just missed a deadline and was frustrated with herself. She had taken it out on me.

Sometimes just imagining what the other person might be experiencing allows you to replace anger and defensiveness with empathy and recognition.

Her explanation neither excused her behavior nor changed my experience. But it did allow me to see where she was coming from. I’ve been in her position before, and I know I’m not always my best self under pressure.

Sometimes just understanding or imagining what the other person might be experiencing allows you to replace some of your anger and defensiveness with empathy and recognition. What might your boss be dealing with? Could they be feeling intense pressure from their own boss? Has your company recently lost a big account that’s leaving your boss anxious? Has your team been struggling to deliver what’s expected of them lately?

Your boss's criticism might not be about you. So, begin by understanding what...

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