Today, I'm going to show you the best, sure-fire, works-every-time, easiest way in the world to make any partner happy, and make yourself happier by extension.
That's a big promise, I know. We therapists don't usually make promises. But this one can really change your life. And I’m going to tell it to you absolutely free ... in a minute.
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But first, I want to tell you a story.
My most unhappy patient
A long time ago, before I became a sex and relationship therapist, I was a regular therapist. I had just a few patients, and I’d meet with them every week, for months and years, listening to their problems and trying to figure out how to help them.
I had one patient who absolutely drove me crazy. She’d come into my office, sit down, and immediately start ranting.
She ranted about everything—her work, her life, her parents. I could never manage to get in more than a few words before she’d start ranting again. It wasn’t long before she started ranting about me, too. It was useless talking to me, she said. No one understood her—least of all, me.
Some serious advice about being happier
Not sure what to do, I called an older colleague and described the situation. He listened carefully and made a few suggestions. Then, almost as an afterthought, he said something I've remembered ever since:
"Don't forget to enjoy her."
For a moment, I wondered if he'd gone soft in the head. But as I continued to sit with my patient, day after day, week after week, I realized my colleague was on to something.
No one, as far as she or I could tell, had ever really enjoyed this woman. Her parents, she said, were awful people—always critical. And she'd been a difficult child—irritable, quick-tempered, not an easy person to get along with.
Once I decided just to let her be, she calmed down, stopped ranting, and started to get better.
Clearly, something had gone seriously wrong very early in my patient's life. And now, ever since, she’d been playing the same drama over and over again with everyone she met.
I decided to set everything else aside momentarily and see whether I could find something about this woman to enjoy. It turned out to be unexpectedly easy. She had all sorts of interesting, quirky opinions about all sorts of things. I disagreed with most of them, but hey, who was I to judge?
Once I started to relax a bit with her, she started to relax, too. She had a goofy sense of humor that I'd never noticed before. Once I decided just to let her be, she calmed down, stopped ranting, and started to get better.
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