Why Am I So Sensitive? Expanding Your Window of Tolerance (Part 2)

Listen to Part One of this episode.

After listening to last week's episode, I'm hoping you spent some time thinking about whether you are more hyper or hypoaroused and how narrow your window of tolerance may be.

In this episode, we'll focus on ways to expand your window of tolerance so that you can be engaged in life instead of triggered by it.

Safety versus novelty

In order to reach this goal, we must first find the middle path between safety and novelty. These are two human needs that require the right balance in order for our window of tolerance to expand and be sufficient for us to engage in life in rewarding ways.

Let’s first define safety. Safety is our need for predictability, protection, relaxation, security, and connectedness to others. We also have a natural need for novelty. This is our thrill-seeking side that craves unpredictability, risk, and excitement. We want to encounter things that are different from our norm to shake it up and keep life interesting.

Like most things in life, when we have too much or too little of something it doesn’t bode well for us. When a person tries to avoid risk at all times to maximize safety, it prevents them from growing. Most growth requires a bit of friction—thus the adage "no pain, no gain."

Healthy risks are necessary for a healthy life. Negative self-talk can lead us to react poorly to healthy challenges and changes or inhibit us from taking risks. For example, thoughts like “ I don’t deserve success” or “I’m not allowed to make any mistakes” and “If I try, I know I’ll fail" are examples of negative self-talk that can prevent us from growing.

On the other hand, when someone craves too much novelty, it can lead them to engage in impulsive risks. Impulsive risks often lead to unintended negative consequences. Examples of impulsive risks may include overspending, substance abuse, and dropping personal or social responsibilities to the detriment of relationships.

Broadly speaking, to expand your window of tolerance, you must seek a middle path between safety and novelty. You can begin to do this by practicing taking appropriate risks and being open to new experiences.

A risk is considered healthy if you’ve considered the potential consequences of the activity from your wise mind. In doing so, you can expand your window of tolerance gradually over time and use coping strategies to cope with unpleasant emotions or sensations related to trying a new activity.

When approaching a new situation, be mindfully aware of any avoidance patterns that show up. Oftentimes...

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