How to Engage Socially When You’re Feeling Anxious

Spring is here! We often associate this season with breaking out from the cocoon of winter and into social butterflies. This is easier for some than others. I am a proud introvert, and I usually have to prepare myself for the increase in social interactions.

You may not identify as introverted. Maybe you've been diagnosed with social anxiety, or you just feel socially awkward in general. Whatever the case may be, there are many of us that desire social interaction and closer relationships, but it doesn’t come naturally to us. In fact, many social interactions can feel threatening. For instance, a great friend of mine is getting married and I’m invited to the wedding. My first thought was, “Heck yeah, I am super happy for you!” and my second thought was “Now I have to be at a wedding where the only person I’m going to know is the bride.” This is an introvert’s nightmare. The introductions, having to remember all those names, the forced smiles, and laughter, the dreaded small talk. Suffice it to say, I and many others will read that as threatening.

What does it mean to feel threatened in social situations?

You might be wondering: what happens when we read an environment as threatening and what does that mean? Threatening doesn’t mean that it’s abusive, violent, or anything of that nature. When you struggle socially, simply saying, “Hi, I’m Terrence” to strangers can feel like doing a State of the Union address. The problem with reading these environments as threatening is it causes us to be socially disengaged. In order to bond with others, we have to socially signal that we are interested and open. When we feel uncomfortable, our body language can express the exact opposite.

When we feel socially threatened, we don't engage in prosocial signaling. Instead, if you’re like me, you may what is socially referred to as “RBF,” which I will call Resting Badass Face. In technical terms, your facial expressions become constricted. You may often have a downcast gaze or you may have a tendency to stare. Your body language is also typically tight and robotic in nature. You may speak in a monotone or flat voice. Additionally, you may more easily misinterpret what others are saying or their social cues. All of this leads to people staying away from you because you are signaling that you don't want to be bothered, when in fact your internal intention may be that you want others to talk to you and like you.

Activating your social safety system

In order to combat this, we want to activate our social safety system. We can do this through facial expressions, gestures, and body language. In the same way that we use these tools to communicate with others, we can use them to communicate with ourselves. For example, if you're in a good mood and you force yourself to frown and walk around with an angry posture, you'll...

Keep reading on Quick and Dirty Tips