8 Tips for Respectful Communication With Your Child

Babies begin to communicate with their caregivers from the moment of birth. How that caregiver responds not only impacts their brain development, but also how they go on to behave in relationships. That's why it's crucial to communicate with your child in ways that strengthen trust and the emotional bond between you, even when you disagree.

Communication doesn’t only involve the exchange of information through language. It also involves non-verbal cues about our internal thoughts and emotions, the sensations happening in our body, and whether or not we feel safe. And that’s all influenced by our personal, social, psychological, and cultural traumas and conditioning. There’s a lot going on!

Even so, it’s possible to have interactions with your children where you both feel understood and both get a chance to express your feelings and needs in a connected way. Here are 8 tips for respectful communication with your child.

1. Remember that respect is not the same as agreement

When frustrated parents say to their child, "I don't like that you're not being respectful to me," what they usually mean is "I don't like that you're not agreeing with me!"

Respectfully offering understanding isn't the same as agreeing. Instead, it shows that you're trying to see a situation like your child is seeing it, from their unique vantage point.

2. Become aware of the words you say to yourself and to your child

Everyone has a continuous dialogue playing in their mind, but you may be more or less aware of yours. How you talk to yourself is usually how you talk to your child. And how you talk to your child becomes their inner voice.

Do you speak to yourself with kindness or with criticism? With respect or disrespectfully? Notice what your behavior, gestures, facial expressions, and posture are saying to your child too.

Even your silence communicates what’s going internally for you. Still-developing brains take a longer time to process what you've said and reply, and silence plus patience can be respectful of that process. But while your silence can heal, comfort, and support, it can also reject, judge, and punish. Be aware of the effect your silence is having.

3. Self-kindness is key

Start speaking more kindly to yourself. When you notice that you're having self-critical thoughts, get a pen and write them down.

Your brain works so instantaneously that you can think of 100 self-critical thoughts lightning-fast, resulting in a lot of psychic pain. But writing longhand...

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