7 Ways to I.M.P.R.O.V.E. Difficult Moments

Have you ever been in a situation that you truly disliked? And I mean truly.

Your displeasure can range from mild discomfort to pure agony. Do you hate going to the dentist? Do you have a tight deadline at work? Have you recently experienced a loss?

Today we will discuss how to improve the moment. When we improve the moment, we replace immediate negative events with more positive ones, and make the moment feel positive and easier to tolerate. This skill is particularly helpful when we are feeling overwhelmed in a stressful situation that is likely to last for a little while. To help us remember the steps, we'll use the acronym I.M.P.R.O.V.E.

I is for Imagery

Do you have a pretty good imagination? You can put it to work by using imagery to create a situation different from reality.

With imagery, you can create a safe or relaxing space for yourself when you’re in a difficult moment. For instance, I have a friend who hates getting shots—and has even passed out at the doctor! They use imagery to imagine themselves on a warm beach whenever the doctor pulls out the needle. They find it helpful for getting through the experience. The trick with imagery is that you should practice it outside of the event so you have greater access to the imaginal experience and get to that safe place more easily.

Imagery can also be used to cope more effectively with crisis events. You can imagine a future event that will likely be highly stressful for you, such as a death in the family or meltdown at work. While imagining the event, you can rehearse how you can respond in ways that are helpful to you and won’t make the situation generate more suffering. For example, I have my patients imagine future conversations that they are worried about. I will have them imagine what the person is likely to say and how they could respond to different scenarios. This helps them feel more confident in the actual moment. It might feel silly to pretend as an adult, but never underestimate how much rehearsal can help you in the long run.

M is for Meaning

Finding or creating meaning helps many people survive tragic and horrific situations. Victor Frankl wrote Man’s Search for Meaning, an important book about surviving the Nazi concentration camps. It is based on the premise that people need to find or create meaning in their lives to overcome tremendous suffering. This is very similar to making lemonade out of lemons. When we can find meaning in our pain, we can bear it and walk through it more easily.

Now when I say "more easily," it doesn’t mean easy. It means that it could be harder if we took a different path with our pain. One quote that has helped give me meaning through difficult moments is from Leonard Cohen:...

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