What Therapy is Really Like (And How Pop Culture Gets It Wrong)

When someone says they’re going to therapy, what comes to mind?

Perhaps you imagine them lying on a couch, the way they do in cartoons, while a serious-looking man in a sweater vest and glasses takes notes, pausing once in a while to ask, “And how does that make you feel?”

Or perhaps you think of that scene in Good Will Hunting, where Robin Williams’ character, a therapist, keeps repeating "It's not your fault" until his patient breaks down and cries in his arms.

What pop culture gets wrong about therapy

In real life, therapy doesn't look like it does on TV or in movies. At least not the vast majority of the time.

People don’t lie down anymore; they sit in chairs or on sofas and face their therapist so they can engage in a collaborative dialogue. We therapists also understand that cornering a patient and forecfully and repeatedly insisting they change their mind about something they believe is not effective.

Therapists in real life do not and should not date their clients. This is a big ethical no-no.

And most importantly, therapists in real life do not and should not date their clients. This is a big ethical no-no. Clients are vulnerable to exploitation in this type of relationship. It always blows my mind when movies and TV shows make it seem normal, and even romantic, when therapists and their clients start flirting!

Maybe our imaginations run wild about what happens in therapy because it seems so mysterious. I mean, what do two strangers talk about for a whole hour, week after week? Does therapy really help anyone? Do therapists say wise things that magically heal people? Why pay a therapist when you could just talk to friends about your problems?

No wonder so many people are either hesitant to try therapy or give up after trying one session. They have no idea what to expect, which means they might also have no confidence that it’s going to work. Often, people are either convinced that therapy is all just a scam or they go into it expecting a miracle cure, only to be disappointed when they don’t find The Answer right away.

I've seen patients make life-changing decisions, repair damaged relationships, overcome fears, and learn to value themselves.

This is such a shame, because therapy really can help. We know from plenty of research that psychotherapy is effective for:

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