"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." As a young adult, when I first heard that quote (often wrongly attributed to Buddha), I thought it was wise. I thought it meant we should try to never be angry because anger is a poisonous emotion.
Science seems to back this up. Anger has been associated with increased risk of hypertension and worse pain management. For people with mental health conditions, those who also have pathological levels of anger also have higher levels of suicidality and self-harm.
Our cultural intuitions match this view of anger too. The Internet’s self-help communities are littered with quotable advice about anger, like, "If another can easily anger you, it means you are off-balance within yourself." Or, "Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but can destroy everything." Even, "Anger is your biggest enemy. Control it."
Our society has dismissed voices calling for social change by labeling people 'pathologically angry.'
These sayings make it clear that we not only fear anger, but we also condemn it as immoral, manipulative, or a sign of weak character. In fact, our beliefs about anger sneak their way into the way we hold prejudices—our society has dismissed voices calling for social change by labeling people "pathologically angry." Psychiatrist Jonathan Metzl wrote about this in his book Protest Psychosis, which details how Black Americans protesting for civil rights in the mid to late 20th century were diagnosed with (and medicated for) schizophrenia.
This societal-level gaslighting still exists. Even after America elected a black president, First Lady Michelle Obama recounted in her autobiography how she has felt reduced to "Angry Black Woman" by her husband’s critics.
Conversely, we praise people who don’t show anger as "well-bred," "intelligent," and "sophisticated....
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