6 Ways to Handle a Defiant Teen (Without Yelling)

Remember when you first looked lovingly into your sweet baby’s eyes? When his newborn coos could melt your heart in an instant?

And now, 15 years later, as you try to stay patient through his attitude and smug, hurtful remarks - are you left wondering what the heck happened?

If you’ve got tweens and teens in your life, you’ve most likely been the recipient of backtalk or other defiant actions.  Unfortunately, this type of behavior is the norm of the teen parenting package. But don't despair! Positive change can happen in your family if you’re willing to invest some time dealing with it. 

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For parents, the key is to handle that nasty and exasperating behavior in a way that calmly and consistently shows your child that you are in control and that you will not tolerate it.  Mighty Mommy has 6 teens in her life right now, so here are 6 ways that you can respond positively to your defiant teen and keep the peace at home:

Tip #1:  Never Assume the Reason Behind a Teen's Bad Behavior

Your child’s defiant behavior is actually the symptom of the actual problem. Don’t guess or assume that your child is acting out based on what you see.  If your son is belligerent towards you when he returns from school, it might not be that he hates algebra and is taking it out on you. Maybe he’s finding it hard to make friends and is feeling like an outcast.  That doesn’t excuse his poor behavior, but when he’s in the comfort of his own home, he can let his guard down and therefore targets his frustration toward those closest to him, usually his parents and siblings.

Try tracking your child’s behavior for a short period of time and notice what situations or feelings seem to trigger the aggression or defiant outbursts.  If you notice a pattern where he’s unloading his anger every day when he comes home from school, once he calms down later that evening ask him if you can talk about what you’ve noticed.  “Hey, it’s pretty obvious that when you get home from school you’re miserable and you’re taking it out on Dad and me. What's up...

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