My youngest of 8 is turning 11 years old this weekend. I’m really not one for clichés but honestly—where does the time go? At one point I had four babies and toddlers in diapers all at once. I barely blinked and now I have nearly 4 out of college. Raising so many kids close in age, there were many days that were a total whirlwind. Changing diapers and getting kids fed and bathed each day were usually the only goal on my daily to-do list (other than not losing my mind). But even among the daily chaos, I did strive to reach another goal on a regular basis and that was to start instilling confidence in my kids at a young age, as early as their toddler days, so they would hopefully grow into well-rounded older kids and and have a secure sense of self.
Well known pediatrician Dr. William Sears raised 8 children of his own as well as practiced pediatrics for over 30 years. In his article 12 Ways to Raise a Confident Child, he writes, “Self-esteem is your child’s passport to a lifetime of mental health and social happiness. It’s the foundation of a child’s well-being and the key to success as an adult.”
I couldn’t agree more with Dr. Sears’ philosophy on self-esteem and a child’s overall strong mental well- being, so today Mighty Mommy shares 8 things you can teach your toddler and young children now to help his confidence soar over time.
See Also: 5 Ways to Connect with Your Pre-Schooler
Tip #1: Establish Good Communication Skills
Establishing strong communication skills is one of the key elements to laying a strong foundation for your child’s future. One way to do this is to let younger kids speak for themselves as often as they can without intervening and speaking for them. So when a question is asked of them, even when they are young, let them take the lead. For example, if an adult from church or school asks your 3-year-old how they like having a brand new baby sibling, don’t jump in and say something like “Henry, you love having a baby sister don’t you? She’s so cute, right?” Instead, let him be as honest as he needs to be “My baby sister cries too much.” At least he’s being allowed to express himself without any fluff. In addition, let your kids do things like order their own choices at a restaurant. The more opportunities they can be exposed to communicating with other adults and children, the better. They learn they have their own voice.
Tip #2: Be Realistic with Praise Early
It’s normal to want to praise your child for all of her accomplishments, small and large. Whether it be praising them for a drawing, a strong kick with the soccer ball, or an itty bitty role in the school play it’s not unusual to be a bit over exuberant because you want your kid to know he or she is the best there is. What we don’t want is to be too over the top so that our compliment and praise don’t sound genuine.
It’s also not necessary to heap praise for something she’s supposed to do like brushing her teeth or feeding the cat.
This also applies to a situation that involves you being worried about something your child is doing. For example, if your child is learning to climb up the large set of stairs on the playground slide, don’t carry on about how worried you are about him as he makes the big climb. Instead, stand by so you can make sure he’s taking the steps as safely as he can and proudly watch him get to the top step. Once he achieves this, you can say something like “Terrific job. I knew you could do it.” See Also 5 Things Parents Shouldn't Worry About
Tip #3: Be a Positive Role Model
Toddlers and young children are like little sponges. They soak up everything they hear their parents and caregivers saying, even when you least suspect they are paying attention. Ever catch yourself saying something disparaging aloud like this: “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer to thaw for dinner. It’s all my fault that dinner will be so late tonight"?
Negative self-talk doesn’t offer any type of benefit to your children or to yourself. Whatever you model, your child will soak it in and most likely emulate it. Instead of making critical comments about some mistake, turn it around with positive self-talk instead. "Well, I forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer this morning, but I did have a chance to sit and have a nice breakfast with you kids instead so tonight, we'll grab a pizza or something." Parents generally set the tone for the atmosphere in their home. If you tend to be stressed out and cranky by nature, that only ripples down to your children. If they interact with a calm and steady mom and dad, it in turn shows them you are enjoying life and makes them act more joyful too which in turns builds self-esteem and self-confidence.
Tip #4: Help them Visualize the Future
We all have access to a very powerful tool that can help shape a positive outlook on life—the power of visualization. The daily practice of visualizing your dreams and goals as already complete can rapidly accelerate your achievement of those dreams, goals, and ambitions.
If kids can envision themselves doing something important or fulfilling when they grow up, they're bound to feel more confident now. Take advantage of any one-on-one time that you spend with your young child helping him visualize a career or talent he might like to see come to fruition in the future. For example, maybe your young daughter absolutely loves taking care of her stuffed animals and dolls. You could say “You really are so caring and it’s obvious you like to make your Teddy Bear and your dolls feel better when they are sick. Can you picture yourself as a doctor some day?” Maybe she doesn’t want to be a doctor but instead says “I want to be a mommy and take care of my own kids when I get older.” Regardless of what her dreams are, focus on the fact she is thinking of some goals and go from there. We used to do this instead of bedtime stories many nights. It made my kids feel excited and hopeful about the future and got them asking questions about different careers and artistic talents.
Tip #5: Make Free Time a Priority
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children get enough exercise and also have an hour per day to unwind, relax, and have some simple creative play time.
One simple way to gift your growing toddler and young tykes is to afford them as much unstructured play time as possible. Kids learn social skills through playing games and can let their imaginations soar with pretend play time and just simple day dreaming. It’s our job as parents to see that they get enough down time to sustain the over-zealous amount of commitments and activities that are on most of our calendars throughout the year.
For older kids, this unstructured time means unplugging and taking a break from all of today’s technology. Start young and get your little ones tuned in to the importance of free time. It’s a gift that they will hopefully take with them right into adulthood.
Tip #6: Teach Emotions
According to Ross Flom, an associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, developing emotional intelligence is important for your toddler's cognitive and social development and an imperative skill that can help is teaching them to read emotional cues.
When our young kids learn to understand emotions, it helps them build empathy among other strong traits. There are endless opportunities throughout the day to help them get a handle on what they are feeling. It starts with you modeling the words. For instance, if your toddler is playing with another child on the playground and his new playmate is running a bit too fast and creams in to him by mistake you can say something simple like “Oh no, that was just an accident.”
Label positive emotions as well. If your toddler throws a ball to your dog and Rover wags his tail excitedly and fetches it, you can say “You just made Rover so happy by playing with him.”
Taking the time to label emotions with your toddler will help him feel connected and you’ll be laying the groundwork for an empathetic and confident child and eventually young adult.
Tip #7: Teach the Magic Words
Confident kids are also well-mannered and polite kids. “Please” and “thank you” are the magic words, and when your kids observe you using them at any given opportunity, they are sure to follow suit. Other phrases you don’t want to forget are “May I,” “Excuse me,” “No, thank you,” and “You’re Welcome.”
Children learn from observing your actions, often while you’re not even aware that they’re doing so. How you behave while stuck in a long line at the check-out counter, or when running into a neighbor that you aren’t particularly fond of, can lay a positive or negative foundation in your children. Take the high road and model control and politeness, not frustration and pettiness.
Tip #8: Keep Laughing
Many times, simple humor can diffuse a tense situation and turn something negative around in just seconds. If our toddler sees us handling chaos and stressful moments with humor, we’re teaching them that laughing is important and a wonderful tool to help us through the good times and the bad.
So have a sense of humor about yourself. Young kids and teens are drawn to parents who don’t take themselves too seriously, and this way they can learn how to have a sense of humor about themselves as well. So, if you burn the cookies you were baking for your kids, make light of it and tell them that batch didn't have enough chocolate chips anyway. So you're glad you get the chance to start over.
How do you instill confidence in your young children? Share your thoughts in the Comments section at http://ift.tt/1wBcPAN, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Also visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5.
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