A couple of years ago, I spent a year working as part of the psychological support team at a fertility center. I provided therapy to women and men who were on their journey to becoming parents, a journey that some of them had already been traveling for 10 or more years.
As a clinical psychologist, I've worked with patients struggling with a wide range of very real and very deep challenges. But never, not even at the cancer clinic, had I worked with people who were more heartbroken than the ones I met at the fertility center. They had a desire so deep, so existential, that everything turned into desperation and despair when the universe turned a cold shoulder. And nobody could tell them when their journey would end.
Research shows that the degree of distress people feel when experiencing infertility is comparable to the distress people feel when they have cancer or heart disease.
In fact, it wasn’t just my gut feeling. Research shows that the degree of distress people feel when experiencing infertility is comparable to the distress people feel when they have cancer or heart disease. Infertility not only affects a person’s mood and confidence, but it also strains relationships, makes people feel isolated, and often throws a wrench into a person’s whole life plan.
Even though infertility is common, occurring in about 13 percent of women and 10 percent of men, we don't often talk about it openly. Because of this taboo, infertility can be a lonely experience. People feel ashamed, or they don’t get helpful support even when they do share details about their experiences with others. Sometimes, even the people closest to them can inadvertently hurt more than help.
To help shed some light on this topic, and to offer some compassionate advice based on personal experience, I talked to Cheryl L. Butler about her years-long journey to becoming a parent and completing her family. Cheryl is the host of Quick and Dirty Tips' popular Mighty Mommy Podcast.
After five years of fertility treatments, one beautiful adoption, and seven trips to the delivery room, Cheryl's family was finally complete. Her experiences with infertility, adoption, pregnancies, and raising children with developmental delays have helped her become a resource on the joys and challenges of parenting. She’s the author of Pregnant Women Don’t Eat Cabbage and a freelance writer contributing hundreds of articles on the subject of family and parenting. Today, Cheryl’s children range in age from 14 through 26, and she’s enjoying an even better role than parenting—...
Keep reading on Quick and Dirty Tips
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