One of the best parts of parenting is the journey you take with your kids. One moment, you can be sitting at your kitchen table mindlessly paying the bills and suddenly you look up, pen in hand, and witness your 12-month old taking his first steps across the way in the family room! Parenting milestones such as this are invigorating, exciting and leave you wanting more.
And then there are those moments where your parenting journey goes south. Those sweet, rewarding experiences such as your baby’s first words or your six-year-old learning to read are quickly replaced with a mural of geometric designs all over the freshly painted walls courtesy of your favorite tube of lipstick, or your newly licensed teen backing into the closed garage door. Sigh!
Regardless of whether your family is experiencing a terrific high or a rock-bottom low, the one thing that can keep all of the emotions in your family on an even keel is how you, the parent, react. Here are five tips on how you can keep your emotions in check and not overreact when times get tough.
5 Ways To Prevent Losing Your Cool With Your Kids
- Pretend You Have an Audience
- Speak Positively about Your Kids in Their Presence
- Ignore Bad Behaviors
- Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
- If (When) You Do Lose Your Cool, Own It
We’ll explore each in more detail.
Tip #1: Pretend You Have an Audience
I usually have a laid back personality, so when I do get riled up it’s quite noticeable and I still have plenty of moments with my kids where I want to throw my hands up and yell, “I surrender!” It’s easy to overreact when our kids are goofing off, not helping out around the house after they’ve been asked several times, fighting with each other, or being disrespectful, but if someone you respect—your child’s teacher, your pediatrician, your coworker, a close friend—were to see you lose your cool with your kids, you’d probably be mortified and try to pull it together as quickly as possible. So, why not get into the habit of pretending you have an audience? You’re less likely to overreact with your child if someone’s there watching your every move.
Tip #2: Speak Positively about Your Kids in Their Presence
Often after a negative incident has taken place, we as parents want to discuss it with our spouse when he/she returns from work. If your child is in the vicinity, however, don’t get into such a conversation until you’re certain your child can’t overhear you. Discussing their behavior in a negative light while they are within earshot can reinforce the bad behavior as well as damage your child’s self esteem.
Once you’ve discussed a negative incident with your child, let it go and save further discussions about the incident privately. Not doing so could get you all hot and bothered and you could end up overreacting twice over the same matter.
See also: 5 Ways to Change Bratty Behavior and 4 Ways to Keep Your Family Strong
Tip #3: Ignore Bad Behaviors
One of the first parenting books I read was The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries by Michele Borba. I related to her tips because they were so practical and easy to apply. One of my favorites was how to deal with tantrums, whining, and annoying behaviors. Turns out, the longer you give attention to these behaviors, the longer they will last. The trick is to ignore, ignore, ignore!
It sounded much too simple to actually work, but when I focused on my kids' good behaviors and paid no attention to the less desirable ones, I was pleasantly surprised at how well this tactic worked. We can’t always change how another person behaves, especially a young child, but we can change how we deal with these behaviors, and that has been one of the biggest stress reducers and ways to keep my own temper in check while raising kids.
Tip #4: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
One of my favorite rules of parenting is, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Having an immaculate home, unstained clothing, a car that isn’t laden with crumbs and empty juice box cartons, and a kid who wants to wear unsightly combinations of stripes and plaids means absolutely nothing at the end of your parenting day.
Incidentals must be factored into the parenting equation and then let go as soon as possible.
When you become a parent, your priorities change. Those inconsequential, day-to-day mishaps are a part of life—let it go. Spilled milk, muddy floors, broken furniture—these incidentals must be factored into the parenting equation and then let go as soon as possible. If you stop overreacting about these minor, unimportant things, if and when a real crises does hit, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with it.
Tip #5: If (When) You Do Lose Your Cool, Own It
If your anger has already boiled over and you’ve lost your cool, don't back away from it. Instead, simply own up to what you've done wrong. Don't give in to the temptation to blame your child for triggering your outburst. Say, "I am very disappointed by your sneaky behavior, but I shouldn't have yelled at you, and I'm very sorry.” The act of apologizing alone can be calming and at the same time, you’re being a good role model for your child.
How do you prevent losing your cool and overreacting with your kids? Share your thoughts in the comments section at http://ift.tt/1zMEe2L, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com. Visit my family-friendly boards at http://ift.tt/1wyJKr5
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