5 Positive Ways to Reduce Sibling Rivalry

"She keeps touching my doll—make her stop!"

"We always have to watch Jack's stupid shows!"

"I told you to stay out of my room!"

If you're the parent of siblings, bickering like this is the norm. Squabbles amongst siblings are a constant source of frustration for families. As much as we'd rather not have our kids at each other's throats all day long, sibling rivalry is a normal part of family life. How a parent deals with sibling friction, however, can help turn feuds into opportunities for growth and harmony.

Why do sibs squabble?

If you grew up with siblings of your own, you probably remember anything from petty bickering to all-out brawls. Why can't brothers and sisters just get along?

There are many reasons—stress, being overly tired or hungry, not feeling well, or being protective of possessions are common themes. The ultimate reason, however, is that it’s challenging for kids to share Mom and Dad with others, particularly their siblings.

Sibling jealousy, which leads to continuous rivalry, stems from each child’s deep desire for the exclusive love of his parents.

A book with terrific insight—Siblings Without Rivalry, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish—explains that the experts in this field agree: sibling jealousy, which leads to continuous rivalry, stems from each child’s deep desire for the exclusive love of his parents.

While raising my eight kids, who were very close in age, I knew that although I had plenty of love to go around for each of them, it was also vital that they knew it. Here are five positive ways you can show each child the love, and help them constructively manage their sibling setbacks.

5 positive ways to reduce sibling rivalry

1. Try a Leader of the Day program

Once, my kindergartener snuck into her big sister’s bedroom and helped herself to the colorful Sharpies sitting on the desk. The bloodcurdling screams from my older child lead me right to the scene of the crime, the bathroom. My five-year-old was using the markers to perform a makeover on her doll, and then herself! I was preoccupied with a project at work and hadn’t spent much time with her. Now, she had my undivided attention.

And that was often the case! My kids would aggravate one another to get me to interact with them.

One way to be proactive in keeping the peace is to find ways to shower your kids with special time.

One way to be proactive in keeping the...

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